Entry #10
February 20, 2013
Dear Diary,
Sorry I am writing this to you so late tonight. I have been busy with a few of my ghost friends. My ghosts come to visit me when I am by myself and things are really quiet. Johnny Cochran has been giving me really good legal advice. I listen to him more than I do to Nurmi. That is why I completely ignored most of what Nurmi wanted me to say today. I mean, seriously! He wanted me to say that I was sorry for killing Travis! Well, I absolutely refuse to feel bad for Travis being dead. He practically killed himself. Travis had a chance to make the right decision. I gave him plenty of opportunities. It was his choices that wound him up butchered. Not mine!
I have been thinking a lot about love lately. I'll admit that I don't understand the concept very well. I have heard people saw that love means never having to say you are sorry, right? So why should I have to say "I am sorry" for what Travis made me do to him? If anyone deserves an apology, it is ME. Look at what Travis is putting ME through. It is MY life that is practically over. It is MY life that is on the line...not his. Travis gets to be in a much better place...where do I get to be? In jail. It is completely unfair! I have tried to love Travis enough to forgive him for what he has done to me, I really have. But, it is just too difficult. Maybe someday I will be able to...but I seriously doubt it.
It was so awful when I had to talk about how I almost died when I almost tried to commit suicide. That paper cut nick from the razor was the MOST pain I have ever felt in my WHOLE life. And for the next two days, anytime I bent my finger, I could feel the searing pain again. I hope I never have to feel that kind of pain again. It is just too much to bear. Talking about it today in court almost made me feel like I could cry. How can anyone even focus on Travis when they see the kind of pain I have been through?
Well, I better go. I am conducting a group seance tonight and I don't want to keep the spirits waiting.
Till next time,
Jodi
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