Ever tried suicide?

[InsanelySane]

12 years old - I jumped off a bridge.
16 years old - I cut my wrist, passed out and woke up in a hospital.
19 years old - Drove my car head on into a white wall... Nothing happened so I backed up and did it again. Again, nothing happened except my car was totaled and I laughed.
20 ? and older - I overdosed on 60 Klonopin (Took 30 at once and right after another 30), was in a coma for a week.  Another time... 60 Gabitril, smoked crack(First & last time I did a drug) and drank LOTS, coma again and alcohol poisening.

My LAST and LAST LAST time was last year.  25 years old - (Carbon Monoxide) I cleaned out an entire garage which took me over an hour and when I drove the truck into it... IT DIDNT FIT!  hahahahahahahahahahaha

I really did suck at it.  :2embarrassed:

[Onthedarkside]

[quote author=InsanelySane link=topic=14851.msg1111035#msg1111035 date=1228871431]
12 years old - I jumped off a bridge.
16 years old - I cut my wrist, passed out and woke up in a hospital.
19 years old - Drove my car head on into a white wall... Nothing happened so I backed up and did it again. Again, nothing happened except my car was totaled and I laughed.
20 ? and older - I overdosed on 60 Klonopin (Took 30 at once and right after another 30), was in a coma for a week.  Another time... 60 Gabitril, smoked crack(First & last time I did a drug) and drank LOTS, coma again and alcohol poisening.

My LAST and LAST LAST time was last year.  25 years old - (Carbon Monoxide) I cleaned out an entire garage which took me over an hour and when I drove the truck into it... IT DIDNT FIT!  hahahahahahahahahahaha

I really did suck at it.   :2embarrassed:
[/quote]

Oh honey. 

[LostSouls]

Fifteen years ago I tried and failed.  Recently I have had to much time on my hands.  Realized how miserable I have been and thought to myself I am just to tired to continue.  I am tired of being alone and of being so confused.  I was just tired of all the things in my head at the time. Thank goodness I had a very amazing friend and cousin that stuck by me and allowed me to walk out of my life for awhile so I could figure out what I need to help myself. I have lived with depression all of my life.  When it hits there is no warning.  One minute you are good the next the world is to much.  You become you own worst enemy and everything you touch is ruined.  I have found that for me it is purely self hate and logical thinking goes out the window.

[krazykaraokehostess]

I guess i can start by saying i have been diagnosed as Maniac Depressive Bipolar Disorder with Schizophrenia episodes. My parents smoked Weed & Meth were high all of the time. My dad was a drug dealer when i was growing up and was always real paranoid about everything so he was always tweaking. He was walking around with his gun waiting for someone to try to come and try and steal something from us. My parents weren't bad parents they just ignored us alot and so i would stay in my room. I stayed in my closet curled up in a ball crying alot of days. I would hide in my closet under my toys alot so people could not find me. My parents never looked for me they were always to tweaked out to notice me.
Every since i could remember my grandfather was physically & sexually abusing me. The worst part of it was after my grandpa would sexually abuse me he would give money at me & call me a whore, slut, and every other name you could think of. I was in grade-school. When i was bad he would whip me with a razor strap & hold my head up to the freezer & say he was going to slam my brains out of my head. He would throw knifes at me, One time he bearly missed my throat. I never felt like i had a family as a kid. We never had family meals at the table my parents ate in my living room. I ate on my bed or in my bedroom closet on the floor. My parents never cooked. They always bought fast food which was alright because i didn't know any different at the time. I never once had a home cooked meal as a child.  My first home cooked meal was when i was sent to live with my aunt. To be honest as a kid i moved alot. Between family members homes, hospitals & people who didn't want me. I'd always hear them talking bad about me behind my back. Telling everyone how aweful i was... Talk about feeling strange.. I was a black sheep child..An unwanted kid..
My worst memory besides my grandpa as a kid was i was in a car accident on my way to go roller skating when i was a kid and the top of my uncles head went through the window & he died in the car in front of me & my brother. I remember the other kid asking if we were still going to go skating after that. It made me angry.
I can't say i've had the worst childhood in the world but it sucked for me. I'm sure there are people out there who have had it much worse. As an adult sometimes i cry myself to sleep knowing there are still people like my grandpa out in this world abusing little kids. I think animal & child abuse are the lowest thing on earth. Anyone who does this please listen to me when i say not only do you put physical scars you leave mental scars that will stick with them until the day they die. If i live to be 100 years old i will forgive but i will never forget the torture & abuse i suffered growing up. Thanks for reading. Please stop child abuse.. Had to tell my story since i have so many attempts many i didn't list. I listed the ones that hurt my family & myself the most.
People don't believe it but i had my first suicide attempt when i was 8 years old. I was upstairs & jumped out of the window. I had a compound fracture on my right knee & i picked up the glass from the broken window & cut myself up with it.
I then tried again at 12 when my mom was driving we were fighting and i jumped out of the car going down the road. I hurt myself pretty good..
At 14 years old i decided i was not going to eat because i wanted to die so i starved myself & refused to eat anything i living with my aunt & i was put into the hospital on a feeding tube. My aunt sent me back to mom & dad.
At 15 living with a different aunt & uncle i overdosed on my psych drugs & was in ICU for 3 days they sent me back to my mom & dad because i was to much drama
at 17 i overdosed on nausea meds & valiums, lithiums & called the operator told her i was holding everyone in my house hostage and was going to kill everyone there. She asked who was there. I said all three of us. She asked our names. I said me, myself & i. Not a game. I was really in  alot of emotional pain. I was checked in the hospital for an involuntary stay.
At 20 i went into my closet with my curling iron & wrapped it around my neck hanging myself. My husband found me just in time. He got me down. The sadness & look in his eyes i will never forget he sat me on the couch until the police & emt got here. I was in the mental hospital for 4 weeks.
At 25 i called my doctor & told her i was feeling suicidal again & the meds weren't working she called me in zoloft. I felt great for about a week and a half was writing happy poems. Then about 2 weeks after being on this i walked in my bedroom poured all my meds on my dresser and started taking them all at once. My husband walked in kind of late. I had taking over 100 pills and for no reason. I had no fight with nobody. Was not feeling down or depressed. I still dont know why or what snapped inside me. I just remember thinking i was severly HAPPY.... Smiling the whole time.. Was in ICU again.
Note**
I had my grandpa die 2 years ago & i have not tried suicide once since he has died. yes, i do think about it when things get hard & when things get bad. But when he died something inside of me felt relief. Alot of the hurt & pain that was bottled up for so many years was released. I don't want to die. I want to start living for the first time in my life. I want to live & enjoy my life.

[atm142]

[quote author=krazykaraokehostess link=topic=14851.msg1235435#msg1235435 date=1238707221]
I guess i can start by saying i have been diagnosed as Maniac Depressive Bipolar Disorder with Schizophrenia episodes. My parents smoked Weed & Meth were high all of the time. My dad was a drug dealer when i was growing up and was always real paranoid about everything so he was always tweaking. He was walking around with his gun waiting for someone to try to come and try and steal something from us. My parents weren't bad parents they just ignored us alot and so i would stay in my room. I stayed in my closet curled up in a ball crying alot of days. I would hide in my closet under my toys alot so people could not find me. My parents never looked for me they were always to tweaked out to notice me.
Every since i could remember my grandfather was physically & sexually abusing me. The worst part of it was after my grandpa would sexually abuse me he would give money at me & call me a whore, slut, and every other name you could think of. I was in grade-school. When i was bad he would whip me with a razor strap & hold my head up to the freezer & say he was going to slam my brains out of my head. He would throw knifes at me, One time he bearly missed my throat. I never felt like i had a family as a kid. We never had family meals at the table my parents ate in my living room. I ate on my bed or in my bedroom closet on the floor. My parents never cooked. They always bought fast food which was alright because i didn't know any different at the time. I never once had a home cooked meal as a child.  My first home cooked meal was when i was sent to live with my aunt. To be honest as a kid i moved alot. Between family members homes, hospitals & people who didn't want me. I'd always hear them talking bad about me behind my back. Telling everyone how aweful i was... Talk about feeling strange.. I was a black sheep child..An unwanted kid..
My worst memory besides my grandpa as a kid was i was in a car accident on my way to go roller skating when i was a kid and the top of my uncles head went through the window & he died in the car in front of me & my brother. I remember the other kid asking if we were still going to go skating after that. It made me angry.
I can't say i've had the worst childhood in the world but it sucked for me. I'm sure there are people out there who have had it much worse. As an adult sometimes i cry myself to sleep knowing there are still people like my grandpa out in this world abusing little kids. I think animal & child abuse are the lowest thing on earth. Anyone who does this please listen to me when i say not only do you put physical scars you leave mental scars that will stick with them until the day they die. If i live to be 100 years old i will forgive but i will never forget the torture & abuse i suffered growing up. Thanks for reading. Please stop child abuse.. Had to tell my story since i have so many attempts many i didn't list. I listed the ones that hurt my family & myself the most.
People don't believe it but i had my first suicide attempt when i was 8 years old. I was upstairs & jumped out of the window. I had a compound fracture on my right knee & i picked up the glass from the broken window & cut myself up with it.
I then tried again at 12 when my mom was driving we were fighting and i jumped out of the car going down the road. I hurt myself pretty good..
At 14 years old i decided i was not going to eat because i wanted to die so i starved myself & refused to eat anything i living with my aunt & i was put into the hospital on a feeding tube. My aunt sent me back to mom & dad.
At 15 living with a different aunt & uncle i overdosed on my psych drugs & was in ICU for 3 days they sent me back to my mom & dad because i was to much drama
at 17 i overdosed on nausea meds & valiums, lithiums & called the operator told her i was holding everyone in my house hostage and was going to kill everyone there. She asked who was there. I said all three of us. She asked our names. I said me, myself & i. Not a game. I was really in  alot of emotional pain. I was checked in the hospital for an involuntary stay.
At 20 i went into my closet with my curling iron & wrapped it around my neck hanging myself. My husband found me just in time. He got me down. The sadness & look in his eyes i will never forget he sat me on the couch until the police & emt got here. I was in the mental hospital for 4 weeks.
At 25 i called my doctor & told her i was feeling suicidal again & the meds weren't working she called me in zoloft. I felt great for about a week and a half was writing happy poems. Then about 2 weeks after being on this i walked in my bedroom poured all my meds on my dresser and started taking them all at once. My husband walked in kind of late. I had taking over 100 pills and for no reason. I had no fight with nobody. Was not feeling down or depressed. I still dont know why or what snapped inside me. I just remember thinking i was severly HAPPY.... Smiling the whole time.. Was in ICU again.
Note**
I had my grandpa die 2 years ago & i have not tried suicide once since he has died. yes, i do think about it when things get hard & when things get bad. But when he died something inside of me felt relief. Alot of the hurt & pain that was bottled up for so many years was released. I don't want to die. I want to start living for the first time in my life. I want to live & enjoy my life.

[/quote]
It's tough, I'm really glad you made a resolution. Everyone deserves a chance to live, not just exist. Stick to it and do it for you. It takes a lot of strength to rise above what you went through, and thats something no one can take away from you. I don't know what it's like to live in your shoes, but I can tell you have good character and incredible courage. A lot of us have felt the same way before, stick around you'll make some great friends.  :-)

[DAVEMONIAC]

yeah again about a year ago, the cable didn't feel to good around my neck

[sneak weasel]

when I was 17 I put a loaded 12 Gauge shotgun in my mouth for a few seconds.

when I was 23 I put a loaded 9mm handgun to my temple for a few seconds.

I had no intention of pulling the trigger on either occasion, I just wanted to know what it would feel like, maybe it was a power trip to know I COULD have ended it all in an instant.

I never understood how someone could "attempt" to commit suicide though,
to me that is something you either do or don't do, like jumping into a pool, you either jump in or stay out.

[neenerneener]

[quote author=sneak weasel link=topic=14851.msg1287051#msg1287051 date=1243369194]
when I was 17 I put a loaded 12 Gauge shotgun in my mouth for a few seconds.

when I was 23 I put a loaded 9mm handgun to my temple for a few seconds.

I had no intention of pulling the trigger on either occasion, I just wanted to know what it would feel like, maybe it was a power trip to know I COULD have ended it all in an instant.

I never understood how someone could "attempt" to commit suicide though,
to me that is something you either do or don't do, like jumping into a pool, you either jump in or stay out.



[/quote]

are you really that dense?    *attempt* means they followed through with the action, but were not successful in actually ending their life. omg. 

[sneak weasel]

[quote author=neenerneener link=topic=14851.msg1287057#msg1287057 date=1243369742]
are you really that dense?    *attempt* means they followed through with the action, but were not successful in actually ending their life. omg. 
[/quote]

like I said, how can you "attempt" to kill yourself
that is something you either do or dont do

if someone really wanted to die
they would do it, not attempt it.

you either swallow 50 pills or eat the bullet
you dont eat 5 pills or shoot and miss.

I think people who "attempt" suicide are looking for help or attention or they chicken out at the last second etc

suicide, even attempted suicide only hurts the people who love you, friends/family etc
there is always a better option

[bowieluva]

[quote author=sneak weasel link=topic=14851.msg1292411#msg1292411 date=1243801827]
like I said, how can you "attempt" to kill yourself
that is something you either do or dont do

if someone really wanted to die
they would do it, not attempt it.

you either swallow 50 pills or eat the bullet
you dont eat 5 pills or shoot and miss.

I think people who "attempt" suicide are looking for help or attention or they chicken out at the last second etc

suicide, even attempted suicide only hurts the people who love you, friends/family etc
there is always a better option





[/quote]
lolwut? Shit goes wrong all the time. You start taking the pills and pass out or someone catches you. The bullet goes through your head but doesn't kill you.

[Creature Feature]

[quote author=sneak weasel link=topic=14851.msg1292411#msg1292411 date=1243801827]
like I said, how can you "attempt" to kill yourself
that is something you either do or dont do

if someone really wanted to die
they would do it, not attempt it.

you either swallow 50 pills or eat the bullet
you dont eat 5 pills or shoot and miss.

I think people who "attempt" suicide are looking for help or attention or they chicken out at the last second etc

suicide, even attempted suicide only hurts the people who love you, friends/family etc
there is always a better option

[/quote]

I've got several friends that would disagree.

Bullets don't always hit the spot. Bodies handle pills in different ways. People intervene. Jumping off a bridge doesn't always kill you.

Clearer now?

[sneak weasel]

[quote author=Creature Feature link=topic=14851.msg1292417#msg1292417 date=1243803190]
I've got several friends that would disagree.

Bullets don't always hit the spot. Bodies handle pills in different ways. People intervene. Jumping off a bridge doesn't always kill you.

Clearer now?



[/quote]

I understand what you mean man but thats not what I meant.

If a person REALLY wants to die and commits to doing it, they will just do it.

I understand things can go wrong but it would be rare to actually fail a true suicide.

I went to school with a guy who shot himself with a 9mm,
he put the weapon in his mouth, the bullet went through his cheek and he lived

My point is, if the kid I knew really really wanted to die, he would have swallowed fistfuls of pills, drank lots of liquor and then used a large caliber handgun and shot himself in the temple or at the base of his jaw etc

its one thing to fail at life but to fail at ending your failed life is really bad.

either you want to die or you dont.
same as anything else in life
dont half ass it
if you set out to do something
do it right

[the color nine]

You're a bit of a tard, aren't you?

[holly]

[quote author=the color nine link=topic=14851.msg1297542#msg1297542 date=1244232445]
You're a bit of a tard, aren't you?
[/quote]

Thank you for saving me some time and putting what I was going to type all in a nutshell.  :)

[Monter]

[quote author=sneak weasel link=topic=14851.msg1297540#msg1297540 date=1244232278]
I understand what you mean man but thats not what I meant.

If a person REALLY wants to die and commits to doing it, they will just do it.

I understand things can go wrong but it would be rare to actually fail a true suicide.

I went to school with a guy who shot himself with a 9mm,
he put the weapon in his mouth, the bullet went through his cheek and he lived

My point is, if the kid I knew really really wanted to die, he would have swallowed fistfuls of pills, drank lots of liquor and then used a large caliber handgun and shot himself in the temple or at the base of his jaw etc

its one thing to fail at life but to fail at ending your failed life is really bad.

either you want to die or you dont.
same as anything else in life
dont half ass it
if you set out to do something
do it right



[/quote]You ar either a troll or an idiot.....
You cant really believe what you wrote...
Theres nothing half assed about shooting yourself in the head you moron.

[emmieslost]

[quote author=sneak weasel link=topic=14851.msg1297540#msg1297540 date=1244232278]
I understand what you mean man but thats not what I meant.

If a person REALLY wants to die and commits to doing it, they will just do it.

I understand things can go wrong but it would be rare to actually fail a true suicide.

I went to school with a guy who shot himself with a 9mm,
he put the weapon in his mouth, the bullet went through his cheek and he lived

My point is, if the kid I knew really really wanted to die, he would have swallowed fistfuls of pills, drank lots of liquor and then used a large caliber handgun and shot himself in the temple or at the base of his jaw etc

its one thing to fail at life but to fail at ending your failed life is really bad.

either you want to die or you dont.
same as anything else in life
dont half ass it
if you set out to do something
do it right



[/quote]

you know what FUCK YOU.

i wish my friend had died right away when he shot himself.  instead he had so suffer through surgery and a day and a half of listening to people around him freak out. 

i hope your death is slow and painful.

[holly]

[quote author=sneak weasel link=topic=14851.msg1297540#msg1297540 date=1244232278]
I understand what you mean man but thats not what I meant.

If a person REALLY wants to die and commits to doing it, they will just do it.

I understand things can go wrong but it would be rare to actually fail a true suicide.

I went to school with a guy who shot himself with a 9mm,
he put the weapon in his mouth, the bullet went through his cheek and he lived

My point is, if the kid I knew really really wanted to die, he would have swallowed fistfuls of pills, drank lots of liquor and then used a large caliber handgun and shot himself in the temple or at the base of his jaw etc

its one thing to fail at life but to fail at ending your failed life is really bad.

either you want to die or you dont.
same as anything else in life
dont half ass it
if you set out to do something
do it right



[/quote]

It's people like you that make me rage.  I'd bet you also believe that someone who 'talks about suicide' wouldn't actually do it, and are just seeking attention... you know, because people that talk about it never actually do it.  :roll: 

Too many people have taken their lives when those around them possibly could have intervened, if only they didn't have this 'oh they just want attention' attitude.

As a someone who has failed at suicide, I can tell you that I 100% tried to take my life.  I googled my method of choice beforehand to make sure that a) it would work and b) it wouldn't be painful.  I was found by fluke almost 2 hours after losing consciousness, with a bp of 60s/30s and was rushed to the hospital and saved (obviously).  Yes, I suppose I could have jumped out of my window or shot myself with a better chance of it absolutely working, but I didn't want to die painfully.

You are dense. 

[neenerneener]

its official.  sneak weasel is retarded. 

[fishes298]

[quote author=emmieslost link=topic=14851.msg1297549#msg1297549 date=1244233075]
you know what FUCK YOU.

i wish my friend had died right away when he shot himself.  instead he had so suffer through surgery and a day and a half of listening to people around him freak out. 

i hope your death is slow and painful.
[/quote]

that's horrible i'm so sorry. where did he shoot himself and how did he manage to be conscious afterwards if you don't mind? rip im sorry

[fishes298]

out of ALL the threads to throw out the negativity in, i want it to be this one.

we need to come together and live, not just exist. i made a promise to myself once that i'd kill myself if i was 25 if i wasn't happy with my life, because my grandma was depressed and complaining her whole life and very negative and brought everyone down. when i was a kid she constantly told me "i'm about to die". so it's either live a good one or don't even fucking waste and live at all.

needless to say i've tried to off myself before, tylenol OD - very stupid, i was 2/3rds of the way to liver failure, which would have been a very slow 2-week long death. suicide is hard to do really once you think about it there are a lot of things that can fuck it up.

anyways i am glad we are all here.

<b> you are never alone.

[Jonelle]

[quote author=fishes298 link=topic=14851.msg1323579#msg1323579 date=1246823749]
needless to say i've tried to off myself before, tylenol OD - very stupid, i was 2/3rds of the way to liver failure, which would have been a very slow 2-week long death.
[/quote]

I did the Tylenol PM o.d. when I was 15. After my parents forbade me to continue seeing a boy I was so in love with. Anyhoo I swallowed about 1 and 1/2 of the largest bottles of Tylenol pm you can buy. Then I proceeded to sleep on it. The next day I downed a bottle of aspirin. I figured it would just put me out while I was asleep. Nope. For 24 hrs I threw up bile. Had the worst stomach aches. I felt like everything was shutting down (violently) and slowly. That weekend my rents noticed that I was ill and called 911. Once at the hospital I was not able to be charcoaled since it had already gotten into my system. I was given feeding tubes and an IV drip for 5 days in the ICU. The medicine I was given by iv was called Mucamyst I believe ... smelled like rotten eggs. I still can't take acetaminophen and am not supposed to drink as the doctor told me at 15 i had the liver of a 40 year alcoholic in comparison. I was too vain to hang, cut or shoot myself so deep sleep was the choice i chose. Talk about stupid. I would guess poisoning yourself is THEE most painful manner in which to choose. Then again I don't think most teeny boppers actually try to wait it out for days, locked in a room alone in that much pain. I agree agonizing cannot describe what instant liver failure feels like.

[emmieslost]

[quote author=fishes298 link=topic=14851.msg1323575#msg1323575 date=1246823627]
that's horrible i'm so sorry. where did he shoot himself and how did he manage to be conscious afterwards if you don't mind? rip im sorry
[/quote]

he used a .25 caliber and put it in his mouth.  he had an open casket, they just put his favorite bandana over his head. he just scrambled his brains, and i think the one good thing his parents did for him is let him die.

i have dreams where he shoots himself over and over again and can't die.  

[fishes298]

[quote author=emmieslost link=topic=14851.msg1324170#msg1324170 date=1246846349]
he used a .25 caliber and put it in his mouth.  he had an open casket, they just put his favorite bandana over his head. he just scrambled his brains, and i think the one good thing his parents did for him is let him die.

i have dreams where he shoots himself over and over again and can't die.  
[/quote]

wait, so was he conscious the whole time? :(

sorry about the PTSD stress dreams i get them a lot too. i hate dreaming especially during the day it is worst for some reason

[IvannaTrailer]

People will probably smite me for this, but sneak weasel does have a bit of a point. I have wanted to kill myself, and I have eaten enough pills or whatever in attempts to NOT live. I think about death way too often, more so that I am comfortable with and I know overdosing is far from fool proof, and if I do go the pill route, I am just going to eat some penicillin (which should off me in about twenty minutes) than try my luck with something that might make me throw up or take so long to kill me that someone might find me. I am not saying that anyone who has od'd hasnt had the INTENT of dying, I believe that dying was probably first and foremost on your mind, but I know first hand that I also thought a lot about what would happen AFTER my death, like if so and so found me and would they do, blah blah blah. Anyway, usually when I personally have thought about suicide, a lot of times I do think it actually boiled down to pitiful cries for help (not saying everyone has that, just my own personal experience) or to punish people. In the end though, I don't think I would really want to die. I might just be half drunk though and not know what the hell I am talking about.

[bowieluva]

There is a huge difference between cries for help and sticking a gun in your mouth only to have the bullet freakishly miss finishing you off.
My friend's dad just killed himself. He failed the first time. Made it work the second.