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Thread: Ever tried suicide?

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    Ever tried suicide?


    I've survived two attempts, both by overdose. First with Vicodin and Bacardi Gold, the next one was 2 years later with crystal meth. I'm just putting myself out there for anyone who has been there and if anyone can relate.

    I still struggle a bit with addiction, but I've quit crystal and I don't drink liquor or pop pills anymore. I've been hospitalized about 3 times for drug overdoses, one time the EMT technician told me that I had the blood pressure of an 85-year old woman because of all the drugs I had in my system at the time. Yet I survived all these situations where I really should have died.

    I guess it was depression. I was filling that void where love should have been with alcohol and it just got worse from there. Car crashes, jail time, dead friends, I've been through a lot for a 24-year old. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has a story about a time where they got so low that they actually tried to end their own life, but somehow lived to tell the story. Let me know.

    http://www.myspace.com/killasjchris

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    I'm not very nice. Karalicious's Avatar
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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    http://mydeathspace.com/smf/index.php?topic=6444.0

    Hi and welcome. :)
    "Since change is constant, you wonder if people crave death because it's the only way they can get anything really finished." -Chuck Palahniuk

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=Karalicious link=topic=14851.msg906043#msg906043 date=1214408177]
    http://mydeathspace.com/smf/index.php?topic=6444.0

    Hi and welcome. :)
    [/quote]

    How are you? Hey, I appreciate that.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    Hi, Chris.  :-)
    I think several people here have experience with suicide attempts, so you may find some helpful posts in that thread karalicious linked.
    A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.

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    Senior Member skindeep_curiosity's Avatar
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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    Welcome to MDS, Chris, and thanks for sharing your story with us. I wish you lots of luck and blessings in dealing with your addiction!! 

    (By the way, I live in the East Bay, too! Dublin. LOL.)

  6. #6
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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    Not trying to be a dick or anything, but I'd start by removing the pictures of drugs you have all over your profile.

    It's interesting how the profiles of the deceased on MDS sometimes have photos of guns and drugs........ and then amazingly, they are shot to death in a drug deal gone wrong.


    Good luck to you sir.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=mydeathspace link=topic=14851.msg906777#msg906777 date=1214447619]
    Not trying to be a dick or anything, but I'd start by removing the pictures of drugs you have all over your profile.

    It's interesting how the profiles of the deceased on MDS sometimes have photos of guns and drugs........ and then amazingly, they are shot to death in a drug deal gone wrong.


    Good luck to you sir.
    [/quote]

    and then everyone says how the myspace "foreshadows" the death, when actually it just represents that person's life.  If you play with fire you are apt to get burned.  I would suggest removing the drugs not only from your myspace, but also from your life.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=FemmeFatality link=topic=14851.msg906811#msg906811 date=1214449872]
    and then everyone says how the myspace "foreshadows" the death, when actually it just represents that person's life.  If you play with fire you are apt to get burned.  I would suggest removing the drugs not only from your myspace, but also from your life.
    [/quote]

    I've always tried to find an eloquent way of saying that. I always think it, but never knew how to get it out exactly right.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    I suffer from bipolar II disorder I have had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past but I have never tried anything.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=browneyes106 link=topic=14851.msg906858#msg906858 date=1214452351]
    I suffer from bipolar II disorder I have had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past but I have never tried anything.
    [/quote]

    I hope you never do! 

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    Senior Member Feetprints's Avatar
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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    My most recent attempt was March 26th (yes, of THIS year). I got a lovely vacation from then until March 31st in the local psychiatric hospital, which I would've stayed longer at if we could've afforded for my husband to miss more work, and all I had to do was take about 25 Ativan and 10 or so Ambien.  :lol:
    (Yeah, suicide is no laughing matter but I'm one of them "might as well laugh about it or I'll cry about it" people)
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  12. #12

    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    I've tried hangin myself back in march because of all the mental crap that I've been going through. Feelings of oppression,deep depression, and just feeling like there is darkness all around me and no more hope on some nights can be very over whelming. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder back in 2000 but they have never given me the right medication, paxil and trileptal, they had made my suicidal thoughts worst so i got off of them. I still feel like crap but I'll wake up for another day lol... I feel like no one around here(where I live) takes me serious sometimes

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    i am bookmarking this...to fearful to post any of my recent antics just yet (a bit ashamed also)

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=MeganFarmer link=topic=14851.msg920689#msg920689 date=1215443185]
    i am bookmarking this...to fearful to post any of my recent antics just yet (a bit ashamed also)
    [/quote]

    No reason to be ashamed.  By being ashamed, you feed the stereotypical "only crazy people try to kill themselves" or "she didn't really want to die, she's doing it for attention" attitude that many ignorant people share.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=FemmeFatality link=topic=14851.msg920694#msg920694 date=1215443931]
    No reason to be ashamed.  By being ashamed, you feed the stereotypical "only crazy people try to kill themselves" or "she didn't really want to die, she's doing it for attention" attitude that many ignorant people share.
    [/quote]


    i just need time before i talk about it...it was recent, and there is only one person who i am comfortable to speak about it to right now...i do want to talk about it though...just not at this second...i dont want to be stereotypical, (i already am getting shit from people i know cause i have two kids, i am getting called "selfish" and such and a "bad mother)...i dont feel much like being called names right now...just need a friend or two...(you know what i mean?)

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?


    No I haven't and I wouldn't unless I am in the advanced stage of a terminal illness or if I am at the age where I couldn't look after myself and loose my independence etc. But I do have a slight obession with the Golden Gate Bridge  :lol: 



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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=MeganFarmer link=topic=14851.msg920702#msg920702 date=1215444388]

    i just need time before i talk about it...it was recent, and there is only one person who i am comfortable to speak about it to right now...i do want to talk about it though...just not at this second...i dont want to be stereotypical, (i already am getting shit from people i know cause i have two kids, i am getting called "selfish" and such and a "bad mother)...i dont feel much like being called names right now...just need a friend or two...(you know what i mean?)
    [/quote]


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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    I hung myself in the holding cell when I got my DUI but I was just being a smartass.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=MeganFarmer link=topic=14851.msg920702#msg920702 date=1215444388]

    i just need time before i talk about it...it was recent, and there is only one person who i am comfortable to speak about it to right now...i do want to talk about it though...just not at this second...i dont want to be stereotypical, (i already am getting shit from people i know cause i have two kids, i am getting called "selfish" and such and a "bad mother)...i dont feel much like being called names right now...just need a friend or two...(you know what i mean?)
    [/quote]

    i would be one of those people. it would be selfish of you for sure, how wouldn't it be? im not meaning to be harsh, but im not going to blow sunshine up your ass just because i feel sorry for you. could you imagine your kids being at your funeral? this shit pisses me off, im raising a kid who lost a parent who fought to be here and it's hard as hell. i've been to tons of grief therapy sessions with other people raising kids who had a parent die, do you know what it does to these kids? kids are different than adults, they go through growth phases, every time they hit a new phase it's like losing their parent all over again. mothers days, fathers days, holidays, birthdays, getting their drivers license, graduations, school parent activities. until they become adults, missing a parent is constantly being thrown in their face. don't do that shit to them. they wont get over it.

  20. #20

    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=Hotsauce McGilacuty link=topic=14851.msg921367#msg921367 date=1215483207]
    i would be one of those people. it would be selfish of you for sure, how wouldn't it be? im not meaning to be harsh, but im not going to blow sunshine up your ass just because i feel sorry for you. could you imagine your kids being at your funeral?
    [/quote]

    It's kind of a matter of perspective, really... I mean, would the kids be any better growing up with a parent who constantly attempts suicide, is unable to properly look after them due to severe depression, is emotionally disconnected from them and maybe self medicates due to all the above? I don't know that having a completely impaired parent traumatise you would be better than having no parent at all.

    (I'm *not* talking about this situation, by the way, since I don't know anyone here - just a hypothetical.)

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    I have a sister-in-law who killed herself and left 2 young girls.  It does make me angry that she left them, but I know that she had to be in a really bad place to leave them because she loved the girls so much.  Depression is a horrible disease and without treatment, it kills.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=Kyniska link=topic=14851.msg921597#msg921597 date=1215491939]
    It's kind of a matter of perspective, really... I mean, would the kids be any better growing up with a parent who constantly attempts suicide, is unable to properly look after them due to severe depression, is emotionally disconnected from them and maybe self medicates due to all the above? I don't know that having a completely impaired parent traumatise you would be better than having no parent at all.

    (I'm *not* talking about this situation, by the way, since I don't know anyone here - just a hypothetical.)
    [/quote]

    it's called treatment. if you love your kids, you'll get it. and if treatment is out of the question there is adoption. when they grow up, they would at least be able to understand why they were given to a good home, rather than having to deal with the guilt of "did mommy kill herself because of me?". there is no excuse in my opinion, if you have kids, you just DON'T off yourself, no matter what.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=KillaSJChris link=topic=14851.msg906041#msg906041 date=1214408099]
    I've survived two attempts, both by overdose. First with Vicodin and Bacardi Gold, the next one was 2 years later with crystal meth. I'm just putting myself out there for anyone who has been there and if anyone can relate.

    I still struggle a bit with addiction, but I've quit crystal and I don't drink liquor or pop pills anymore. I've been hospitalized about 3 times for drug overdoses, one time the EMT technician told me that I had the blood pressure of an 85-year old woman because of all the drugs I had in my system at the time. Yet I survived all these situations where I really should have died.

    I guess it was depression. I was filling that void where love should have been with alcohol and it just got worse from there. Car crashes, jail time, dead friends, I've been through a lot for a 24-year old. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has a story about a time where they got so low that they actually tried to end their own life, but somehow lived to tell the story. Let me know.

    http://www.myspace.com/killasjchris
    [/quote]

    I was diagnosed with Bipolar II with a strong leaning to the depression side of things.  Chronic depression runs in my family and my brother also exhibited bipolar symptoms.  I quite drinking for three years to stabilize myself, but drinking was never my problem (according to all my doctors and I agree, it was self-medicating) so I've gradually been introducing myself to the drinking again.  I'm on lithium (600mg) and trazodone and believe me. 

    I attempted suicide twice, both times by pills 'n booze.  I live with the voice in my head constantly reminding me why I don't deserve to live.  The dark thoughts creep in easily, especially if I'm stressed or overly tired.  I am scared of that voice because I know that multiple attempters suceed at some point.  Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with movies about people who kill themselves, like Control about Ian Curtis.

    I was hospitalized after I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun and thinking about how easy it would be.  This was in 2004.  Oddly enough, there was a stronger part of me that didn't want to die and I sought help.  It's been hard on my husband and I, but I don't let the illness rule my life.  I'm just careful to eat well, exercise, sleep no more than 8 hours a night and no less than 6 hours a night.  I also know my triggers--some are seasonal (mania in winter running december until i crash in february and depression in summer running july to september); most are related to stress.  I have to constantly monitor my moods and if I feel they're getting away from me, I have to take time to try and rein them in.

    A long winded way to say "yes"

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    Game Cat jeneria's Avatar
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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=MeganFarmer link=topic=14851.msg920702#msg920702 date=1215444388]

    i just need time before i talk about it...it was recent, and there is only one person who i am comfortable to speak about it to right now...i do want to talk about it though...just not at this second...i dont want to be stereotypical, (i already am getting shit from people i know cause i have two kids, i am getting called "selfish" and such and a "bad mother)...i dont feel much like being called names right now...just need a friend or two...(you know what i mean?)
    [/quote]

    I don't think you're selfish.

    People don't understand if they haven't been there looking down into the abyss.  I know I posted this somewhere before on this site, but it's hard for people to understand that when you're at that point you're not thinking about the aftermath, you're thinking about how you see the world as being better without you in it and how everyone you love will have an easier go of things with you gone.  It's a macabre "It's a Wonderful Life" playing through your head. 

    At least that's how it was for me.  It's taken me a lot of therapy and years to work through the mental mind fuck my own brain plays with me.  And while I'm stable now and sure I won't kill myself, that damn voice is always pulling at the periphery of my mind.

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    Re: Ever tried suicide?

    [quote author=KillaSJChris link=topic=14851.msg906041#msg906041 date=1214408099]
    I've survived two attempts, both by overdose. First with Vicodin and Bacardi Gold, the next one was 2 years later with crystal meth. I'm just putting myself out there for anyone who has been there and if anyone can relate.

    I still struggle a bit with addiction, but I've quit crystal and I don't drink liquor or pop pills anymore. I've been hospitalized about 3 times for drug overdoses, one time the EMT technician told me that I had the blood pressure of an 85-year old woman because of all the drugs I had in my system at the time. Yet I survived all these situations where I really should have died.

    I guess it was depression. I was filling that void where love should have been with alcohol and it just got worse from there. Car crashes, jail time, dead friends, I've been through a lot for a 24-year old. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has a story about a time where they got so low that they actually tried to end their own life, but somehow lived to tell the story. Let me know.

    http://www.myspace.com/killasjchris
    [/quote]

    *ahem* Why don't you go to church? Like, in all seriousness.... life can't be that hard-- it's what you make it. And I'm not going to lie. I am quite disturbed by your profile. You should do a 180 and find God and stop killing people... if that's, indeed, what you do.

    But seriously, dude... get help. Meds and psychs aren't all that bad.... I know it's hard sometimes, believe me, cos I'm bipolar(nos), hypomanic and borderline and I have seriously thought about placing myself and a hair dryer in a full bathtub, but... I'm always too chicken. Anyway, just hang in there dude... I'm sure you have a shitton of stuff to live for but you don't even realise it. And, if it makes you feel any better, Pisces are known for being abusers and users of substances, pretty hardcore... (just noticed you were a Pisces on your myspace... I figured you were a Virgo like me cos we're the ones who wanna kill ourselves cos our overactive minds).... but... IDK. Sorry if any of this offended you but come on... if you're gonna kill yourself... wait an hour... then wait another hour.... and another... it'll pass. Please be safe!!!!!

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