Southern cops have a way with words!
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
If I hear one more southerner bitch about "all you damn yankees coming down here" and making traffic worse, I'm gonna cut a bitch.
YOU'RE WELCOME FOR YOUR NOW THRIVING ECONOMY YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCK. AND OH YEAH, WE WON.
I need that as a bumper sticker here. Although that would more than likely result in my car being set ablaze.
Im in texas and been here all my life. I HATE it down here ...and for a lot of the reasons you guys have already mentioned. However, we do have an abundance of Mexican restaurants. Ole!
aaaand that is why I don't want my son receiving a North Carolina public education.
I have one that I witnessed in person. Years ago when I first started working for PD in small Louisiana town all dispatchers had to go on ride alongs. We had this officer that was an absolute nut. You never knew what he was going to do or say. So this one night I got to ride with Officer DB. He pulls over this skanky chick who you could tell had been rode hard and put up wet. So anywho the officer goes up to the car and she'standing by the car trying to look sexy thinking she could get out of the ticket. She's telling my officer friend that she is a stripper and he should come see one of her shows, yada yada yada and she tells him that she can take a beer cap off with her vajayjay. Without blinking an eye my officer says,"Wow that sounds impressive. Here ya go, I bet you can sign this ticket with your pussy too." He rips off the ticket and hands it to her. He knew it was going get him in deep shit with the chief, but when the woman went to complain the chief pretty much laughed her out of the office.
"Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang from a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy. But use your eyes, your common sense".... JIM GARRISON
Queen ..... love your new Sig. It is so you.
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves" .. Confucius
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation " ...... Henry David Thoreau
I hate Georgia!
Southerners cannot speak proper English.
My MIL says qupin instead of coupon.
I hate the word y'all.
I hate sweet tea and grits.
Country music sucks!
From an outsiders perspective/someone who's been nowhere near... These are my opinions/thoughts/take on the 'south';
- I also cannot stand country music "ohhhhh my woman left me and my truck broke yallll i'll have another drinkkkk" pfft
- .... fucking Confederate Flag types, no thank YOU
- I LOOOOOVE GOD BUT I LOOOOOOOOVE BEING AN ASSHOLE TOO
- Treatment of LGBQT/Women/Athiests etc is horrific
- Obviously the racial bigotry is horrific, and yes happens everywhere, but... fuck that place.
- General 'Bible Belt' = Hell to me
Positives I can mention based on my own opinions (yes I keep saying that because I know i'm going to offend someone);
- Food seems grouse
- Ya'll is a little cute, but maybe because my accent sounds horrific/Aus accent is.. not sexy
- Britney!
- Just Britney really. Oh Dixie Chicks are cool girls?
- .. eh .. i'm sure there are plenty of humans I like from the south
Edited to add... GUNS FUCKING GUNS. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR GUNS. South. Guns. Ew.
Ah, yes.
Here are more things I hate about the South:
-I love how redneck southerners love to show off their killer instinct by shooting Bambi and his family.
-I also love how popular confederate flag shirts are down here. It proclaims, we're white trash racists.
-My FIL is a Bible thumping, gay hating, Republican that loves guns.
Hmm... what else.
-Honey Boo Boo is a hero down here. An obese, ugly little girl is a hero.
None of my friends have ever posted pictures of themselves with her, but my husband's friends have. They thought she was the coolest.
-Southern accents make me cringe.
-I HATE PAULA DEEN! She's Oprah for the white trash people.
-I'm not sure how popular buffets are in the North, but we have a lot of them down here.
I hate going to buffets. The other customers are rude and don't know how to say excuse me. The children run around between legs like they're at an amusement park.
I especially hate people that eat right at the buffet. It's so unsanitary!
-My husband's family are a bunch of idiots!
One cousin likes to pop out kids like they're prizes out of a gumball machine.
She thinks that if God wants her to have kids, she'll have them.
And her grandmother had multiple kids so why shouldn't she?!
Um... different generation, different purpose for having kids. Duh!
-Another cousin is 18 and pregnant. She was in high school when she became pregnant. She is a strong Christian so I'm somewhat surprised that she had sex before marriage, but then again, she's white trash.
Pretty much everyone in my husband's family is trailer trash. Literally. They're white and they live in trailers.
-One more thing. My SIL has 3 kids by 3 different baby daddies. Yeah.
Did I mention I hate my husband's family already?!
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