Suicide Prevention / Suicide Survivors Thread

[foreverintheflux]

I'm glad there's this thread for people who want to talk about suicide. My brother died by suicide a few years back and my other sibling attempted-was on life support for 10 days, but pulled through. Unfortunately, he's not gotten any better, so, morbid as it sounds, it's just a matter of time. I've struggled with depression for years. Mental illness sucks, losing the genetic lottery sucks, and I typically have nothing but compassion for those struggling.

For me, therapy and medication help. I would encourage anyone who has a mental health issue to seek help. We just finished our local suicide prevention walk. It's great to see so many people walking for the cause, but terrible to think just why they're there in the first place.

[just looking]

My brother would be 38 today (depending where you are). There were signs, its sad how hard it is to get doctors to listen to you, even when you call them and say "the script of 14 mg of xanax per day you gave him, he didn't flush, he took them all in 5 days!" the doctor prescribes him MORE???? thanks doc, my kids don't have the only man they trusted anymore. My brother died on some poor man's couch he met at a bar cause he didn't want to go home cause his wife and 3 month old baby would hear his wheel chair (cause he broke both legs and 1 arm 3 weeks prior on a car accident driving on meds) as he came in. His last words to me, "I don't want my son to see me as a broken man." Well he kept his promise, and his baby won't remember burying his dad 1/11/2007, just 17 months after my mother passed after I spoke with her Dr as well. The signs are there...the problem is: problem is no one listens when we speak. My heart goes out to all those who have given their all to save those they love. Mom n knucklehead, I'm sorry. we need to make these doctors accountable! Somehow! Rip mom n bro. I love you, I'm sorry, I tried.

[juicyfruit]

I apologize if this has already been shared in a previous post, but I wanted to pass on a site that I think is a good resource for anyone who might need it. Crisis chat is a free service where you can chat online anonymously with a crisis chat specialist.

http://www.crisischat.org/

[Morbid_much]

Life get's better. It's a mantra that's full of shit to some people. Why don't people get that? Why can you say for sure that life will get better but I can't say for sure that it won't?

[Morbid_much]

Just rambling btw, not talking to anyone specific in this thread. n/m.

[Queena]

I always say "I promise life gets better, I just can't promise you when". I've found that the things that I thought I couldn't handle, are much easier than I anticipated.

Sorry if it's a cliche, but I've found it to be true.

[foreverintheflux]

I always say "I promise life gets better, I just can't promise you when". I've found that the things that I thought I couldn't handle, are much easier than I anticipated.

Sorry if it's a cliche, but I've found it to be true.

That's nice...for you. What about battles that others face? Some things don't get better. Fact. To use yourself as the yardstick you measure everyone against is absurd.

[Queena]

That's nice...for you. What about battles that others face? Some things don't get better. Fact. To use yourself as the yardstick you measure everyone against is absurd.

Really? This was from January. I maintain that one should give life a chance. Life is all about ups and downs. I'm not using myself as a yardstick, I'm basically trying to keep people from commiting suicide.

I tell you, even when you try to be encouraging on this website, someone always takes it the wrong way.

[foreverintheflux]

Really? This was from January. I maintain that one should give life a chance. Life is all about ups and downs. I'm not using myself as a yardstick, I'm basically trying to keep people from commiting suicide.

I tell you, even when you try to be encouraging on this website, someone always takes it the wrong way.

Promising someone that 'life gets better' is not the same as maintaining that one should 'give life a chance'.

[Queena]

Promising someone that 'life gets better' is not the same as maintaining that one should 'give life a chance'.

Ok, whatever.

[foreverintheflux]

Ok, whatever.

Good talk.

[bowieluva]

Well, if you have a shitty attitude about ANYTHINg, it is guaranteed to be bad and suck. Obviously that doesn't apply to someone with psychological depression but yeah I get a little eye rolly at people who 'hate life' and do nothing but complain and act like dicks so that they ensure their quality of life is garbage.

[foreverintheflux]

Well, if you have a shitty attitude about ANYTHINg, it is guaranteed to be bad and suck. Obviously that doesn't apply to someone with psychological depression but yeah I get a little eye rolly at people who 'hate life' and do nothing but complain and act like dicks so that they ensure their quality of life is garbage.

Yes. Obviously. Mental illness runs in the family, so it is 'psychological depression' as opposed to just a shitty attitude, which is what you appear to be describing. I'm not sure why people associate suicide with people who just have bad attitudes and complain. You're either ignoring the dynamic of mental illness/suicide, or you're unaware of the biology behind it. That's why we try to raise awareness, I guess. It's easy to get 'eye rolly' and lump whiny assholes in with legitimate mentally ill people. That way, it's all their fault! They're weak and should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Because a positive attitude is the only medicine you need, right?

[bowieluva]

Well, if you have a shitty attitude about ANYTHINg, it is guaranteed to be bad and suck. Obviously that doesn't apply to someone with psychological depression but yeah I get a little eye rolly at people who 'hate life' and do nothing but complain and act like dicks so that they ensure their quality of life is garbage.

Yes. Obviously. Mental illness runs in the family, so it is 'psychological depression' as opposed to just a shitty attitude, which is what you appear to be describing. I'm not sure why people associate suicide with people who just have bad attitudes and complain. You're either ignoring the dynamic of mental illness/suicide, or you're unaware of the biology behind it. That's why we try to raise awareness, I guess. It's easy to get 'eye rolly' and lump whiny assholes in with legitimate mentally ill people. That way, it's all their fault! They're weak and should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Because a positive attitude is the only medicine you need, right?

Uhh

[foreverintheflux]

Uhh

Then I guess I'm confused as to why you offered that disclaimer, but then made the rest of your post about people with shitty attitudes. To me, it sort of minimized and undermined what could be a serious discussion about mental illness and suicide.

[bowieluva]

Then I guess I'm confused as to why you offered that disclaimer, but then made the rest of your post about people with shitty attitudes. To me, it sort of minimized and undermined what could be a serious discussion about mental illness and suicide.

Because Queena is not wrong that there are a lot of people who fail to take responsibility for their own lives, and whose despair isn't caused by mental illness but by their inertia and selfishness. And trying to attack her and be condescending was unfair, in my opinion. I know plenty of people for whom depression has been a constant lifetime problem and I know plenty whose depression is a symptom of the way they live their lives.

[foreverintheflux]

Because Queena is not wrong that there are a lot of people who fail to take responsibility for their own lives, and whose despair isn't caused by mental illness but by their inertia and selfishness. And trying to attack her and be condescending was unfair, in my opinion. I know plenty of people for whom depression has been a constant lifetime problem and I know plenty whose depression is a symptom of the way they live their lives.

So you thought taking a condescending tone with me was the appropriate response?

Yes. Queena is not wrong that there are a lot of people who fail to take responsibility for their own lives. But, she left it at that. She took this complex issue and narrowed it down to what basically amounted to "be positive and try harder! Cuz it gets better!" And then you threw out one sentence excusing those with 'psychological depression' and then went and elaborated on what Queena said. So, the whole other part of the equation is not really being addressed and when I pointed that out, I'm a jerk? I think that's unfair. Unfortunately, since both my siblings suicided and my dad was always on the verge of it during my childhood, I'm familiar with psychosis, etc., and I get a bit annoyed when people only want to focus on losers who take no responsibility for their lives and then give a token mention of psychological 'stuff' and think that should suffice.

[Shins]

Your responses to Queena were going 60mph down asshole road.

Mental illness, depression, anxiety, etc are all extremely complex. There's really no right approach, because you never know where someone's mind is at. Queena's little quip is simply a good omen to people to give them hope. It's no bash or discredit to their situation. Usually people who take offense to that kind of shit are the people who are stuck in a hole of selfishness and "woe is me my life sucks sooo bad."

Promising someone that 'life gets better' is not the same as maintaining that one should 'give life a chance'.

Why would someone want to give life a chance if there's no suggestion that it would get better?

And yes, before you ask, I have a family member and a few close friends who suicided, and no I don't think it's selfish.

[foreverintheflux]

Your responses to Queena were going 60mph down asshole road.

Mental illness, depression, anxiety, etc are all extremely complex. There's really no right approach, because you never know where someone's mind is at. Queena's little quip is simply a good omen to people to give them hope. It's no bash or discredit to their situation. Usually people who take offense to that kind of shit are the people who are stuck in a hole of selfishness and "woe is me my life sucks sooo bad."

Why would someone want to give life a chance if there's no suggestion that it would get better?

And yes, before you ask, I have a family member and a few close friends who suicided, and no I don't think it's selfish.

Usually people who take offense to that kind of shit are the people who are stuck in a hole of selfishness and "woe is me my life sucks sooo bad."

Is that your passive-aggressive way of saying I'm one of those people? Yeah, my having compassion for others means I'm selfish. And, ok, I'm an asshole. Piss off, Shins. I've seen you be much more aggressive with people for less-like telling me I'm going down "asshole road", for starters. Quit foaming at the mouth and maybe try some deep breathing. And as far as asking "Why would someone want to give life a chance if there's no suggestion that it would get better?", well, exactly. Some have conditions where any improvement will be negligible. I can see where people would opt out.

Queena said that she "promises life will get better", she "just can't promise when." I obviously took exception to this, mostly because it's utter bullshit and implies if someone's situation isn't getting better, they just need hold on until some mythical time. I saw it with both brothers.

So, yeah, I had a bit of an emotional response to it. Queena, I sincerely apologize if I came across as an asshole. I still stand by what I said, though I could have probably phrased it softer.

[bowieluva]

No one was attacking you. You ran in here and ripped everyone's throats out and then got mad when people were like 'wtf are you doing, get those throats out of your mouth.'

[foreverintheflux]

No one was attacking you. You ran in here and ripped everyone's throats out and then got mad when people were like 'wtf are you doing, get those throats out of your mouth.'

Yeah, ok. Shins didn't attack me at all. Are you really going with that? I ripped Queena, and then I apologized. Spare me the revisionist history.

[bowieluva]

Everyone on this site is allowed to present their own opinion on something without being derided mercilessly unless they're Beantown or Evolution in which case their opinion is always wrong.

[Boston Babe 73]

Just my opinion here, but Forever was only putting out her opinion. I do agree it could have been more tactful. But I like to think it was from the point of view of someone that knows what the majority feels who contemplate suicide. Suicide is a very personal thing. And sharing different point of views is a good thing. Especially for anyone venturing to this thread that is curious about how they feel.

I do appreciate Queena's contribution. It comes from a place of hope and wanting to help. But I won't dismiss what Forever has said either because people can probably relate to it.

[foreverintheflux]

Everyone on this site is allowed to present their own opinion on something without being derided mercilessly unless they're Beantown or Evolution in which case their opinion is always wrong.

You mean how I was 'derided mercilessly' for sharing my opinion? I should have handled myself better with Queena, for sure. But then Shins decided that it was her job to jump in and tell me what an asshole I was.

I don't think I handled myself like Beantown or Evolution. Suicide is a sore subject for me, and I'm passionate about awareness. Next time I'll check myself when I start to have an emotional reaction to something. Hopefully, though, others won't use it as a chance to rip into me for "acting like an asshole" when they're doing the same thing and to an even worse degree. Especially when it's just gratuitous asshole-ness because they can.

[Monter]

Im going to just step in here and say that even for people who are biologically, clinically depressed- the kind of cognitive behavioral therapy that teaches illness management and how to adjust unrealistic thinking to allow acceptance of responsibility and different strategies for coping is critical.
If someone is stuck in a negativistic, self loathing head space, and it helps to perpetuate the hopelessness of clinical depression and suicidality - empowering that person to examine their thought patterns and embrace change is life saving. And I say that from a personal and professional perpective. Not to mention I can also be "rabid" on the subject, as others can attest