Clearly you are all fabricating your funeral & short shorts experiences to save face now that you realise you were fooled by the evil one. Everyone knows that only a stone cold killer could do (or wear) the things you describe, so if by some chance you are all telling the truth about your wanton behaviour, I suggest you immediately get your butts down to your local police station & confess your crimes & sordid past.


Poste-haste.