Originally Posted by
lorizfree
I sincerely don't even know how many now. Right before that experience, my father shot himself (thankfully I didn't see that one), 2003, I watched my step dad die..2005, I watched my mom die...I became a Caregiver, and have been present with and cared for more dying people and their families than I can count..My best friend died from alcoholism @ 36 in 2008, in 2009, my sons ex-girlfriend lived down the street. Her mom had just started drinking again after 5 years sober, then her mom's boyfriend got a really aggressive form of cancer. The night he died, my son's ex-girlfriend asked me to come to her house, because her mom had just gotten home from her boyfriends passing. When I got there, she was completely fucked up. She had obviously been drinking, but was cognizant enough to walk around and slur talk. She went outside with me, and told me she took some of the boyfriends morphine. I barely knew her, but recommended to her daughter that we call an ambulance. Her daughter said she would be so angry if we did. I can honestly say that's the worst decision I've ever made. I got the mom in the bed. I checked her vitals. She kept wanting to get out of bed to take her meds, and I told her she needed to skip her meds that night. I again recommended we call an ambulance. I should have just done it, but I didn't. I thought everything was stable when I left. At 9 am the next morning, my son's ex-girlfriend was screaming and banging on my door, and when I got to her, she said she thought her mom was dead. My son, his X, her name is Taylor, and I got in my van as fast as I could, and the paramedics were pulling up just as we were. I ran in the house and her mom was on the floor in front of the couch with rigor setting in. She was in a sitting position, like she was sitting on the couch but on the floor. Taylors' current boyfriend had called 911 and attempted to give her CPR(God bless that kid) as Taylor was running up to my house. When I saw her, I just stood there as the paramedics started doing their thing. I'll tell ya, I have never experienced a guilt more horrible than that. I found out several weeks later, that she OD'd on morphine from the mom's boyfriend hospice kit. Had I called an ambulance, she would have been alive.
I've actually attended beautiful deaths, if you can imagine. People who were in the natural dying process, making sure all the family that wanted to be there would be there...making sure my patients were free of pain and as comfortable as possible...walking a family through the dying process, because it can be terrifying if you've never seen it. As twisted as it sounds, I've had my most spiritual experiences, when being with my dying patients and their families. Even when the families couldn't or couldn't handle being there, I WAS their family and loved one. I see death very differently now. I've watched birth and I've watched death. They are incredibly similar in many ways. I see death as the birth of the spirit now. I've often felt as though I've seen the spirit leave, when all of the sudden their eyes would open as wide as they possibly could, as if they were seeing the most incredible thing imaginable. Then the eyes go blank. Sorry, I could go on, but I'll spare you. Now I'm watching my brother die of alcoholism. He's still functioning, but his liver isn't well.
Anyway, just so you all know, I have a really twisted sense of humor. Probably my coping mechanism. So if I make fun of something terribly offensive to you, I apologize ahead of time.
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Thought I would share
when the police came they started looking in all the dumpsters in the shopping center ( in yorba linda) they found the rest of the poor guy 
