Suicide Prevention / Suicide Survivors Thread

[Royal Pain]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365022#msg365022 date=1179444688]
I am..but not for much longer. I have like a month left of insurance.

I was seeing a counselor in the past because insurance gave me 3 30 minute sessions at no charge...I felt like each time we discussed the same things..and a lot of the time he was just asking me about school, and how school was going and what I was working on in school....

I don't know..I don't think it really helped me..
[/quote]

You need to see one, IMO.  Some of your posts are a bit bothering.  Fuck the money, fuck the insurance, find a good therapist, and deal with the money issue later.  Also there are probably some state run options out there for you, but they are probably not the best.  IMO, I would talk to your mom about this, I am sure she cares about you, and will do whatever it takes to get you feeling better.

[only1lf]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365011#msg365011 date=1179444305]
What if you're not quite like "i'm ready to commit suicide right now"...you're just severely depressed, with severe anxiety....

is it ok to call this number?


If I called it what would it s how up as on a cell phone bill? my mom pays for my cell phone so I don't want her to know I called a suicide hotline..
[/quote]

It is ok to call the number for this yes. You came to this thread for a reason.

You can also call:
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
"Call With any Problem, Anytime
Open 24 hours a day, everyday"


Yes the number will show up on a cell phone bill. Because it is toll free you can call from a payphone, your home phone, or a friends phone though and it won't be seen on a land line bill.

[MorbidCuriousity]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365022#msg365022 date=1179444688]
I am..but not for much longer. I have like a month left of insurance.

I was seeing a counselor in the past because insurance gave me 3 30 minute sessions at no charge...I felt like each time we discussed the same things..and a lot of the time he was just asking me about school, and how school was going and what I was working on in school....

I don't know..I don't think it really helped me..
[/quote]

IMHO I think you need a psychiatrist and not some dumb therapist who is going to tell you you're a kid with angst. If you truly feel suicial and he/she decides to medicate you then that will be an option. Therpists can only talk. Sometimes meds stabilize the freak out long enough to get into counseling and dig deeper.

[ImpalePonytail]

I also feel like its very difficult for me to talk "in person" to people about this...I don't know why..even counselors. I don't want people to think I'm crazy :(

My mom knows that I have issues w/depression and anxiety, I just don't think she realizes quite how bad they are. So if she really wanted to look up the number I'm not so sure it would suprise her..and I guess if I really wanted to lie about it I could too. Depression runs in my family....sort of makes me afraid to have children.

I've been on medication in the past, in fact I have a bottle from the fall that I took maybe one or two pills of... I just hate thinking that I need to take pills to feel like a normal person..then again they moreso just make me feel numb.

[Monter]

[quote author=Morbid Curiousity link=topic=6444.msg365035#msg365035 date=1179445154]
IMHO I think you need a psychiatrist and not some dumb therapist who is going to tell you you're a kid with angst. If you truly feel suicial and he/she decides to medicate you then that will be an option. Therpists can only talk. Sometimes meds stabilize the freak out long enough to get into counseling and dig deeper.
[/quote]
Totally as MC said..
not to mention, three sessions in and of themselves are not enough time to even build rapport with a decent therapist, let alone get anything accomplished.
Listen to whats been said here - it is good advice, and people care, no matter how it may seem sometimes.

[MorbidCuriousity]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365037#msg365037 date=1179445236]
I also feel like its very difficult for me to talk "in person" to people about this...I don't know why..even counselors. I don't want people to think I'm crazy :(

My mom knows that I have issues w/depression and anxiety, I just don't think she realizes quite how bad they are. So if she really wanted to look up the number I'm not so sure it would suprise her..and I guess if I really wanted to lie about it I could too. Depression runs in my family....sort of makes me afraid to have children.

I've been on medication in the past, in fact I have a bottle from the fall that I took maybe one or two pills of... I just hate thinking that I need to take pills to feel like a normal person..then again they moreso just make me feel numb.
[/quote]

I used to feel that way and waited until I was freaking 35 to take care of my mental health. Don't be a dummy like me and suffer because of pride or being scared. If the meds make you feel icky thay may be the wrong ones, but in general anti depressants make you feel icky for a week or so before they level out in your system.

Don't just sit there and do nothing. And the number Only1lf posted above sounds promising.  :kiss3:

Good luck!

[Royal Pain]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365037#msg365037 date=1179445236]
I also feel like its very difficult for me to talk "in person" to people about this...I don't know why..even counselors. I don't want people to think I'm crazy :(

My mom knows that I have issues w/depression and anxiety, I just don't think she realizes quite how bad they are. So if she really wanted to look up the number I'm not so sure it would suprise her..and I guess if I really wanted to lie about it I could too. Depression runs in my family....sort of makes me afraid to have children.

I've been on medication in the past, in fact I have a bottle from the fall that I took maybe one or two pills of... I just hate thinking that I need to take pills to feel like a normal person..then again they moreso just make me feel numb.
[/quote]

You need to talk to her about this.  Tell her how bad it is, and let her help you.  I have been in your situation before, and times like this you need family and friends.  As far as the meds making you feel numb, you were probably on the wrong type of meds, or didn't take them long enough.  It takes time for the meds to kick in and actually work.  Do us all a favor and just talk to your mom, and let her help you.

[ImpalePonytail]

I've been on Paxil and Celexa..both w/ generally the same results.

I'm not even sure what my mom can do to help me...tell me to talk to the doctor about counselors I can see that insurance will cover..thats what she did before, but like I said, soon enough I'll be off my parents insurance.

...I'm sort of afraid to call though..afraid I'll freeze up w/my words, and not know what to say..that was what would happen sometimes when i'd try to talk to that counselor before..its just so difficult for me to come right out and say all the bad shit thats been going on for me lately.

[brie]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365061#msg365061 date=1179446072]
I've been on Paxil and Celexa..both w/ generally the same results.

I'm not even sure what my mom can do to help me...tell me to talk to the doctor about counselors I can see that insurance will cover..thats what she did before, but like I said, soon enough I'll be off my parents insurance.

...I'm sort of afraid to call though..afraid I'll freeze up w/my words, and not know what to say..that was what would happen sometimes when i'd try to talk to that counselor before..its just so difficult for me to come right out and say all the bad shit thats been going on for me lately.
[/quote]

I'm the same way when it comes to freezing up.
Write some of it down or type it up and use it as a reference.
sounds silly, but im sure it would help some.

[MorbidCuriousity]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365061#msg365061 date=1179446072]
I've been on Paxil and Celexa..both w/ generally the same results.

I'm not even sure what my mom can do to help me...tell me to talk to the doctor about counselors I can see that insurance will cover..thats what she did before, but like I said, soon enough I'll be off my parents insurance.

...I'm sort of afraid to call though..afraid I'll freeze up w/my words, and not know what to say..that was what would happen sometimes when i'd try to talk to that counselor before..its just so difficult for me to come right out and say all the bad shit thats been going on for me lately.
[/quote]

If you aren't 100% honest with your therapist they can't help you. And trust me: they've heard worse than your story I bet. I broke down and told everything and some of the shit I was doing was outrageous, but it helped them diagnose my problem.

[ImpalePonytail]

I'm trying to plan up what I can say....I just feel like everything is so petty and that I'm so stupid for feeling the way that I do..

I guess I'm going to go ahead and call..whats the worse that can happen right?

I'm still scared..

[MorbidCuriousity]

[quote author=brie star link=topic=6444.msg365068#msg365068 date=1179446232]
I'm the same way when it comes to freezing up.
Write some of it down or type it up and use it as a reference.
sounds silly, but im sure it would help some.
[/quote]

That's what I did and I felt like a weirdo coming in with a long piece of paper, but at least they could read it instead of me going through it all when some of it was hard to say.

This is an important topic to me, kiddo. It's why this is one of the very few I have on notify. Please do something.

[JustGretch]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365073#msg365073 date=1179446383]
I'm trying to plan up what I can say....I just feel like everything is so petty and that I'm so stupid for feeling the way that I do..

I guess I'm going to go ahead and call..whats the worse that can happen right?

I'm still scared..
[/quote]

It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be embarrassed. It's okay to feel weird. It's okay to be shy. It's okay to not tell your friends you're going to a head doctor. What is not okay is letting those things get in the way of getting you the help you need.

Writing it out might help, taking the phone off the hook and practicing with the phone in your hand might help, practicing in front of a mirror - or at least out loud might help, do what you have to do to get it out. There are dozens of resources that are free, low cost or sliding scale, depending on your financial situation. If you'd like, I'm sure there are a couple people here, or at least myself, who, if you'd like, will help you screen through people in your area to find the most affordable options.

Like Morbid said, chances are, whatever you say, it is NOT going to shock and amaze a decent therapist. They are well equipped to deal with a huge variety of circumstances. If your previous medications and therapies didn't work, please don't write it off completely. Try, and if it doesn't work, try again.

Please don't be ashamed or afraid to come here and vent, know that we're all here for you if ever you need us.

[ImpalePonytail]

So I called..and not even 10 minutes into it my phone cut out

[ImpalePonytail]

...:(

All it really was was her telling me that she can tell I'm in a lot of pain and that i need therapy.

[DiscoLemonade]

i have a question...is anybody here a nurse or in the medical field at all?
because i just got into nursing school, and for my "health examination" they ask questions about your mental health. mine is not very good at the moment, but i am really reluctant to say anything about it or go to a counselor or something bc i think they have to put your name and info on file, and im scared somehow or another it'll get back to my school and then they wont let me be in the program! like bc i think about hurting myself, that i would hurt someone else (which would NEVER happen). is this true? can you be excluded from a medical field bc of depression or similar problems?

[JustGretch]

[quote author=Brittles link=topic=6444.msg369725#msg369725 date=1179692424]
i have a question...is anybody here a nurse or in the medical field at all?
because i just got into nursing school, and for my "health examination" they ask questions about your mental health. mine is not very good at the moment, but i am really reluctant to say anything about it or go to a counselor or something bc i think they have to put your name and info on file, and im scared somehow or another it'll get back to my school and then they wont let me be in the program! like bc i think about hurting myself, that i would hurt someone else (which would NEVER happen). is this true? can you be excluded from a medical field bc of depression or similar problems?
[/quote]

I know that if you are going to therapy or under a doctor's care, due to very strict privacy laws, what you discuss with the therapist cannot be released unless you are a danger to self or others. If I were you, I would get into some sort of treatment regimen and try to get your depression, anxiety or whatever other mental issues you are having under control. If your school's nursing program is anything like the one at mine, it is very stressful, very grueling and emotionally draining. Better to at least START a treatment program before you get too engrossed in school. You cannot be discriminated against, to the best of my knowledge.

[sbsweetypie]

[quote author=Brittles link=topic=6444.msg369725#msg369725 date=1179692424]
i have a question...is anybody here a nurse or in the medical field at all?
because i just got into nursing school, and for my "health examination" they ask questions about your mental health. mine is not very good at the moment, but i am really reluctant to say anything about it or go to a counselor or something bc i think they have to put your name and info on file, and im scared somehow or another it'll get back to my school and then they wont let me be in the program! like bc i think about hurting myself, that i would hurt someone else (which would NEVER happen). is this true? can you be excluded from a medical field bc of depression or similar problems?
[/quote]
I asked this question to my psychologist. She said the only jobs it rules out are those of being in the military, and possibly being a cop.
That's just what I was told, because my mom didn't want it to effect my going into nursing later on.

[JustGretch]

[quote author=sbsweetypie link=topic=6444.msg369919#msg369919 date=1179707059]
I asked this question to my psychologist. She said the only jobs it rules out are those of being in the military, and possibly being a cop.
That's just what I was told, because my mom didn't want it to effect my going into nursing later on.
[/quote]

I have been thinking of applying to be a 911 operator. Yanno, you have to pass a background check, fingerprinting, polygraph, medical, psychological and drug testing? Not to mention you have to pass a written/listening test and a panel interview. Intimidating as all get out, and they wonder why no one applies!

[sbsweetypie]

[quote author=JustGretch link=topic=6444.msg369929#msg369929 date=1179707336]
I have been thinking of applying to be a 911 operator. Yanno, you have to pass a background check, fingerprinting, polygraph, medical, psychological and drug testing? Not to mention you have to pass a written/listening test and a panel interview. Intimidating as all get out, and they wonder why no one applies!
[/quote]
:-o That's freaking crazy.

[Abigails_mummy]

[quote author=Ren link=topic=6444.msg283754#msg283754 date=1176328852]
From www.save.org:


The following are common misconceptions about Suicide

   1. "People who talk about suicide won't really do it."

      Not True
      Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats. Statements like "you'll be sorry when I'm dead," "I can't see any way out," -- no matter how casually or jokingly said may indicate serious suicidal feelings.
       
   2. "Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy."

      Not True
      Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They must be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness.
       
   3. "If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop him/her."

      Not True
      Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want death; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.
       
   4. "People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help."

      Not True
      Studies of suicide victims have shown that more then half had sought medical help within six month before their deaths.
       
   5. "Talking about suicide may give someone the idea."

      Not True
      You don't give a suicidal person morbid ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true --bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.
[/quote]

I would just like to say thank you for posting this information. I  attempted suicide 3 years ago, and everything you posted is true, people thought i was crazy and that nothing would stop me doing it. I had been having counselling for a year and it wasn't helping. I didn't want to die, I just wanted it to stop.

I hope people take note of this information.

Also I would like to add that for people in the UK who are suicidal there are a number of charities you can call:

Childline (for age 19 and under) 0800 1111
the samaritans: 08457 90 90 90
MIND (for people suffering with depression or other mental illness)0845 766 0163

[goldaries13]

I would like to say thank you for posting this information. A girl I knew my junior year in high school committed suicide, a very dear friend. People continually made fun of her because she limped, had to use a crutch in order to walk long distances, and slurred her words when she talked. She had cerebral palsy, a neurological (brain) condition that can cause these things. And yeah, these people knew, and made fun anyway.

I'm still angry about it. She must have felt very lonely and angry to have done that. I wish I had done something to help her back then.

Thank you very much, I just had to get that off my chest.

[{zodiac_Killer}]

[quote author=goldaries13 link=topic=6444.msg382663#msg382663 date=1180314983]
I would like to say thank you for posting this information. A girl I knew my junior year in high school committed suicide, a very dear friend. People continually made fun of her because she limped, had to use a crutch in order to walk long distances, and slurred her words when she talked. She had cerebral palsy, a neurological (brain) condition that can cause these things. And yeah, these people knew, and made fun anyway.

I'm still angry about it. She must have felt very lonely and angry to have done that. I wish I had done something to help her back then.

Thank you very much, I just had to get that off my chest.
[/quote]I was friends with a girl in highschool who had it, she had all the
symptoms you described and she was cool,
had a sense of humor and would punk me every chance she had .
it was fun going in between class to run into her cause and it made me feel good to see
her smiling I'm glad I had classes with her.  I wish I had her phone number I'd call her right now.

[vaga]

I wish I could take you all in my arms and hug you. I'd take your head on my lap and stroke your hair until you feel okay.  Please feel better. It's okay. Remember tomorrow is another day to find another way. That no matter what theirs always hope. Don't be afraid to reach out. Don't feel alone cos you're never alone. I love you all. Believe in yourself. Tell yourself you are strong enough to go thru what ever it is you're going thru. Seek out others in the same situation as you. Just remember you are loved. You are not alone. 

[vaga]

[quote author=ImpalePonytail link=topic=6444.msg365232#msg365232 date=1179451705]
...:(

All it really was was her telling me that she can tell I'm in a lot of pain and that i need therapy.
[/quote]

Hi.