Vent Here , about anything

[Cap-n Meow]

My mom was married before my dad.  Her first husband was abusive, mentally and physically.  They had a daughter together and eventually my mom got the courage to leave him. 

She met my dad and never really spoke to her first husband anymore.  My older sister is not technically my dads daughter but she's always called him dad.  She still visits her real dads mom, but has no real contact with her biological father. 

My older sister has always been my sister and not my half sister.

I don't think Cory has done anything to warrant you or your childs attention.

[xarah]

[quote author=sheslost link=topic=17550.msg1172859#msg1172859 date=1233679268]
we have decided to have the baby call Brian 'Daddy'. I don't know what to tell Cory. He would be SO angry if he found out. But I feel like it is only right to do that for Brian's sake. He deserves that title. Why would Cory deserve it? He doesn't do a damn thing for him... :roll:
[/quote]

Some of my own experiences with this issue, that may help....

My boyfriend has a daughter from a previous relationship who'll be 18 this year, she's been apart of my life since she was 7 and has never called me Mom (and I wouldn't want or expect that). She does call her step-father Dad though, and he's been apart of her life since she was an infant. My boyfriend has always supported her and been a weekend (Disneyland-type Dad). One of the most awesome and sincere things he's stated about her "other" Dad is that, he's her real Dad because he's there every day and has been her whole life. My bf prefers and embraces the back-up position but I'm not sure Cory is mature enough to "get that".

I also have a niece who was adopted by my sisters husband that doesn't know her real dad because he chose not to be apart of her life from the beginning of it.. then he took her to court after being absent and tried to get some kind of visitation. That was when my sister and her husband decided to make her adoption official, which wasn't easy.

I really don't think you owe your ex any explanation why your new man is addressed as "Dad", I think it goes with the territory. She could luck out like my bf's daughter and have 2 awesome Father's. I think you and you ex need to maintain maturity regarding this in front of her, it'd be a shame if she felt any guilt or was told not to.

Hope this insight helps some-what.

[Cherrypie]

[quote author=sheslost link=topic=17550.msg1172859#msg1172859 date=1233679268]
OK, I have a vent/question for you all. If you could, please be honest and take this all in before giving your opinion. I am in a weird situation and I think a few people looking in from the outside might be helpful.

I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy, lets call him Cory. Cory was really sweet at first (as they all are  ) and we got along wonderfully. I knew he had a small criminal record, no felonies or anything, but I decided to give him a chance. (First mistake, right?) Anyways, we ended up moving in together and not long after, he lost his job for getting into a fight with a coworker. (He used to do screen enclosures.) He supposedly was on the hunt for a job for the rest of our relationship, imagine that.
I found out I was pregnant Feb. 14, 2006.  :-o
After about a year of being together I started to notice a change in him. He had a horrible attitude, was falling asleep everywhere and not eating. His weight was dropping like crazy. I found out he was addicted to Roxycets, which are a Hydrocodone pain killer and highly addictive. He started stealing from everyone to support his habit, even his closest friends. Then, me. I couldn't stand it. This person who I had fallen in love with became a monster I didn't even recognize. We moved over 12 times over the course of our relationship, because of getting kicked out of places and/or not being able to pay rent. 
Being pregnant, this was FAR from easy.
To make this long story somewhat shorter, I finally got up the courage to leave him, and I moved in with my Mom about 1.5 hours away. Eventually I met someone new. Someone who treats me like gold. I don't even feel like I deserve him.
I met this guy, lets call him Brian, when my son was only 6 months old. We took things very slow, for the baby's sake. Over time, Brian grew to be the most amazing father figure any child could want. He does anything and everything for my son. Not to mention the fact that he is an amazing role model. He went to college, has a great job & is drug free. We live in a nice home together, the three of us and things couldn't be better.
My problem is... we have decided to have the baby call Brian 'Daddy'. I don't know what to tell Cory. He would be SO angry if he found out. But I feel like it is only right to do that for Brian's sake. He deserves that title. Why would Cory deserve it? He doesn't do a damn thing for him... :roll:

PLEASE be honest. I need some questions, comments, advice, etc. so I can think of this from other perspectives. Thanks.  :2smiley:
[/quote]

Judging by your short post and presuming that Cory doesn’t take much of an active role in your son’s life, I wouldn’t be too bothered what Cory thought of the situation.

Its all about your little man here. I can understand that Brain would want the role as daddy as apart from donating the sperm he’s doing pretty much what a good daddy would do. If it feels so important to you both for your son to call him daddy, why no call him daddy Brain? Or something that would include the title but yet not confuse your son too much.

At early an age as possible, I would be sure to let your son know the logistics to what’s what and how it works. Children have an amazing way of adapting to most things adults couldn’t. Just my opinion, but you know your son and your family much better and you must go with what’s in your heart and what just feels right.

[Cap-n Meow]

[quote author=Cherrypie link=topic=17550.msg1172890#msg1172890 date=1233682037]
Judging by your short post and presuming that Cory doesn’t take much of an active role in your son’s life, I wouldn’t be too bothered what Cory thought of the situation.

Its all about your little man here. I can understand that Brain would want the role as daddy as apart from donating the sperm he’s doing pretty much what a good daddy would do. If it feels so important to you both for your son to call him daddy, why no call him daddy Brain? Or something that would include the title but yet not confuse your son too much.

At early an age as possible, I would be sure to let your son know the logistics to what’s what and how it works. Children have an amazing way of adapting to most things adults couldn’t. Just my opinion, but you know your son and your family much better and you must go with what’s in your heart and what just feels right.

[/quote]
Big picture is big.

[TinkerBelly]

I think that the child's age has a lot to do with the decision to have them call a non-parent "mom" or "dad".  It could also turn very confusing if the realtionship with the "dad" doesn't work out.  
We like to think that whatever realtionship we are in that is going well will last forever but reality is things change.  Once the "dad" moves along and has no contact with the child any longer - I am talking in the real world here - and then you meet someone else do they step in and be another "dad"?
To me the pressure is made by the parents to make sure their children have someone to call mom or dad.  There are fewer traditional families out there and if Brian is going to be the special male figure in the child's life than it shouldn't matter if he is called Brian.  If the relationship lasts for years and as the child gets older and Cory continues to not be a part of his life that would be the time to make the call him "dad" decision.  

[sheslost]

My relationship with Brian is definitely for the long haul, and I have never been more sure of anything in my life. The baby is 17 months old, so he doesn't know any difference, but the reason I think calling Brian 'Daddy' is best, is so that there are no questions about why he doesn't 'have' a 'daddy'. No, Cory doesn't pay child support and he does not have an active role in our son's life. I feel like he shouldn't have any right to him at all! He was a sperm donor as far as I'm concerned.
Also, Cory has an active warrant out for his arrest, so he will be in jail fairly soon. It's only a matter of time. He's said he will be turning himself in soon. When he does, I'm sure he will be in for quite some time. Grand theft charges, and VOP two or three times.

Thank you all for your responses. I loved hearing your experiences with this type of situation. I really feel that having him call Brian 'Daddy' will turn out to be what's best. Like you said, Xarah, it comes with the territory.

[Peavey]

[quote author=sheslost link=topic=17550.msg1172963#msg1172963 date=1233688852]
My relationship with Brian is definitely for the long haul, and I have never been more sure of anything in my life. The baby is 17 months old, so he doesn't know any difference, but the reason I think calling Brian 'Daddy' is best, is so that there are no questions about why he doesn't 'have' a 'daddy'. No, Cory doesn't pay child support and he does not have an active role in our son's life. I feel like he shouldn't have any right to him at all! He was a sperm donor as far as I'm concerned.
Also, Cory has an active warrant out for his arrest, so he will be in jail fairly soon. It's only a matter of time. He's said he will be turning himself in soon. When he does, I'm sure he will be in for quite some time. Grand theft charges, and VOP two or three times.

Thank you all for your responses. I loved hearing your experiences with this type of situation. I really feel that having him call Brian 'Daddy' will turn out to be what's best. Like you said, Xarah, it comes with the territory.
[/quote]

I have absolutely no experience with this type of situation, but seeing the answers you just gave to everyone's questions, I believe I'd make the same choice.  My partner's brother got hurt over the fact that his daughter told him something about her 'daddy'.  He screamed at this 4 year old child -- that he doesn't pay a dime for, and hasn't seen in over a year, mind you -- that he was her daddy.  Now he's punishing her by refusing to call her at all.  You've got to do what is right for your kid.  You are really lucky to have found a great man that treats you and your child the way that he does.  Fuck your ex.  His loss.

[sheslost]

Thank you very much. I'm feeling better and better about this the more I get responses. 

[Bama Star]

[quote author=sheslost link=topic=17550.msg1172974#msg1172974 date=1233689469]
Thank you very much. I'm feeling better and better about this the more I get responses. 
[/quote]

My daughter's father is nothing but a sperm donor either. I'm really not sure what route I'll take. I don't have anyone like that in my life yet but whenever I do, I'll let it be her decision what she wants to call him. Truth be told, I'm scared to death of the day when she wants to know why she doesn't have a daddy or why she doesn't know him. It's kept me up at night, I have no idea what I will say.

[Sweetness]

I have a similar story with my ex; I’ll get into that later though.

My daughter calls my boyfriend daddy; we never told her too. One day we were all at the park and a little kid she was playing with went running towards her dad and was saying ‘daddy daddy daddy’, so my daughter turned and ran towards my boyfriend and says ‘daddy daddy daddy’ and she’s been doing it ever since. He is the most amazing person with her; when I’m getting ready for work in the morning he will get her dressed, do her hair, and make her breakfast. If I’m sick or not feeling well he takes over. He cooks dinner for us every night, and he really truly loves her like she is his own daughter. When I pick her up from daycare, she gets all excited saying she can’t wait to get home to see daddy and play. It’s the cutest thing to me.

If you are really serious about Brian, and he is serious about your baby; I would say go for it. Especially if Cory isn’t going to be in the picture. My mom remarried when I was about a year old, and my step-dad has always been my dad. When I first found out that he wasn’t my real Dad, I asked my mom about my real dad, and she said that I didn’t need to worry about him because I had the best dad I could possibly have, and I was content with that.

[Sweetness]

As for my rant, which will probably get long and drawn out because I’m so irritated about it.  Me and my ex broke up in April last year, a month after our daughters first birthday. To make a long break up story short; I ended up cheating because I was so tired of him. He was such a lazy ass. All he ever wanted to do was play video games, get high, and drink. If I wanted to go somewhere he would have me take our daughter with me. During her first year I don’t think he even changed a dozen diapers. When I was making dinner, I’d have to move her playpen into the kitchen area so I could watch her because he was ‘too busy.’ He expected me to be his mother, work, do everything around the house, and take care of the baby. That wasn’t going to happen. (When I was pregnant I was working two full time jobs for about 4.5 months, because he made more money than I did and I wasn’t ‘pulling my weight’). We ended up in court because the day we broke up we got into a physical altercation, and I was advised to get a restraining order against him. He didn’t show up for the first  two dates, and I was awarded custody. He got 3 hours supervised each week. He called CPS (child protective services) on me and now that will always be on my record. He finally got himself a lawyer and took me to court; saying I was unfit because I would take our daughter to his moms house 2-3 weekends a month. This started because she asked to see her granddaughter for the weekend and I didn’t see a problem with it. I would offer to take diapers and everything to his mom’s house and she would refuse saying that it was for her granddaughter and not to worry. Boy did that bite me in the ass. Anyways, we currently have a 50/50 custody arrangement. The thing that is really pissing me off lately is that when I pick my daughter up from daycare on Monday, she’s always wearing the clothes she was wearing when I dropped her off on Thursday, her hair is always the way I left it on Thursday, and she’s got the worst attitude. When I have her during the week she says please, thank you, bless you (if you sneeze), she asks for things and is incredibly sweet and polite. When I pick her up on Monday, she is bossy, has an attitude, and I can’t get her to say please or thank you.

I’ve also been informed by my ex’s friends that he’s still smoking weed, going out drinking, and out racing on the weekends that he’s supposed to be spending with our daughter. I’m well aware that he just leaves her with his parents (he lives with them now) and that they are the ones mainly taking care of her. I really wish that there was a way for me to prove things, but none of his friends want to say anything in court against him, and his parents will lie and say that he’s always home and that he is the one taking care of them. I feel like he’s only pushing to keep it 50/50 so that he won’t have to pay any kind of child support.

The thing that really irritates me right now, I always am on the floor in her room playing with her. And sometimes I’ll stop and just lay on my back, she will walk over to me, sit on my stomach, lift her shirt up, and she tries to lift my shirt and lay on me. I don’t know about anyone else, but that sure seems to me like she’s seeing people having sex! I know for a fact that she never sees me doing anything because she’s in her room and I’m in mine. So that just leads me to believe that it happens when she’s with her dad. It infuriates me, but I feel like theres nothing I can do about it.

[boogieman]

  My vent of the day:

  My boss is the biggest slacker in the world. He is incompetent and a fucking moron. In the past he has "forgot" to inform the people in charge of scheduleing that I had jury duty and wouldn't be into work (luckily i called in to double check, or it would have been my ass on the line), or  I have called a MONTH in advance to request a different schedule for a certain day because i want to go somewhere during my normal hours... and he waits till the NIGHT BEFORE THE DAY I REQUESTED (after i had given up hope, and canceled my plans), to say he ok'd my idea and i'd be working 2 shifts in a row so i could have the next day off.

  Now he is pissing me off by refusing to make a simple schedule change. For 3 weeks, me and a co-worker have wanted to swap schedules... It would cost the company no money, no extra hours, no anything. We'd both be working the exact same hours, Just on easier schedules (He would get to come in later so he didn't have to be up at 5am, and I would get to have my choice days off, and get off at 3pm on sat/sun.. Making it so i can have time to spend with friends who work/go to school on my current days off).  We call every week.. and he says "i see no problem, send me a fax of what you want." then "It looks good, let me get back to you"... DAMNIT... WHY IS THIS EVEN AN ISSUE YOU IDIOT... IF WE WANT TO CHANGE SCHEDULES... LET US! THE ONLY THING IT WILL COST IS PAPER/INK TO PRINT THE NEW SCHEDULE.


I'm going nuts... My best friend  wants to hang out saturday night, but i can't because my employer is a fucking idiot.


  I'm now going to start filling out online applications. :x :x :x :x

[Resident_Queer]

Ughh i feel like shit..everything hurts down to my ears,eyes,teeth etc..im stuck at my crappy job..i leave here to go get a root canal and then off to petsmart  my glands are the size of golf balls  :x

havent talked to sarah in 2 days and am thinking about her.

they already shipped her basket so im happy about that.

trying to decide what to get my mom for vday.

that is all.

[marakisses]

this is my venting when a woman wants to give your'e stuff back take them and if you want to work it out say something seriousy have been trying to give the key back for my ex bfs apt and he wont let me send it back via mail so im gonna stick it under his storage and then when i say that cuddle with me wtf what should i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[brie]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176358#msg1176358 date=1233911340]
this is my venting when a woman wants to give your'e stuff back take them and if you want to work it out say something seriousy have been trying to give the key back for my ex bfs apt and he wont let me send it back via mail so im gonna stick it under his storage and then when i say that cuddle with me wtf what should i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[/quote]

:lol: wait what?

[neenerneener]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176358#msg1176358 date=1233911340]
this is my venting when a woman wants to give your'e stuff back take them and if you want to work it out say something seriousy have been trying to give the key back for my ex bfs apt and he wont let me send it back via mail so im gonna stick it under his storage and then when i say that cuddle with me wtf what should i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[/quote]


um...what?

[Resident_Queer]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176358#msg1176358 date=1233911340]
this is my venting when a woman wants to give your'e stuff back take them and if you want to work it out say something seriousy have been trying to give the key back for my ex bfs apt and he wont let me send it back via mail so im gonna stick it under his storage and then when i say that cuddle with me wtf what should i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[/quote]

cuddle FTW!


my taxes keep getting rejected toooooooooo....

i had something else to bitch about but i forgot  8-)

[marakisses]

okay sorry...i read it ,hard to read...so me and my ex broke up and i have been trying to give him back his key and yet he will only take it if i give it to him in person so i decided i will put it under hi storage but when i said that he wont let it happen... the story goes deeper than that my bad for confusing you!

[neenerneener]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176364#msg1176364 date=1233911916]
okay sorry...i read it ,hard to read...so me and my ex broke up and i have been trying to give him back his key and yet he will only take it if i give it to him in person so i decided i will put it under hi storage but when i said that he wont let it happen... the story goes deeper than that my bad for confusing you!
[/quote]

ah, ok.  yeah it was a little confusing.  :lol:

as far as your ex goes, just mail him the key.  then he can't refuse it. 

[marakisses]

see he wont giveme his address sorry my computer skips keys and i just got a new laptop lol but yeah i can relate to you we are both military

[leapfreak]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176367#msg1176367 date=1233912178]
see he wont giveme his address sorry my computer skips keys and i just got a new laptop lol but yeah i can relate to you we are both military
[/quote]

You have his key, he's your ex but you don't know where he lives?

[brie]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176364#msg1176364 date=1233911916]
okay sorry...i read it ,hard to read...so me and my ex broke up and i have been trying to give him back his key and yet he will only take it if i give it to him in person so i decided i will put it under hi storage but when i said that he wont let it happen... the story goes deeper than that my bad for confusing you!
[/quote]

I got that part, but I want to know about the cuddling. :lol:

[marakisses]

i do have his key but the cuddle part when i asked for his address hi suggested cudde??? lol so yeah not sure what to

[leapfreak]

[quote author=marakisses link=topic=17550.msg1176372#msg1176372 date=1233912472]
i do have his key but the cuddle part when i asked for his address hi suggested cudde??? lol so yeah not sure what to
[/quote]

:lol:  You asked for his address and he suggested a cuddle?

[marakisses]

yes i said i will leave it under you storage he said cuddle with me i said shut up it over??? what am i doing wrong??