I am saddened by the loss of one of the true loves of my life. Pussycat Doppelganger. She took her life with Heroin leaving a note that simply said "Sorry." She new anyone who knew her would know that single word was enough.
Troubled from the day she arrived, this enigmatic entity fought HARD against the great wall of depression, mania and suicidal thoughts. An incarcerated Father for a henious crime, witness to her Mothers suicide (to which she was told, "You are the reason I must kill myself") no true security or love except friends she accumulated.
One of the greatest beauties to exist with her almond cat eyes, long, lean limbs, wild hair everyone who met her fell in love with her. I mean IN LOVE. As in, "move in now", "let's go to India", "please, keep taking because i NEED to give", "stay here as long as you like even though it's chaos".
She had a way of making you want to take care of her. This Amazon of anarchy with a honeycrisp voice. Clicking her tongue piercing when she talked and always keeping eye contact.
She was the Robin Hood of Romance. Taking things lovers would give her for the benefit of other lovers to receive. NO shame in her game.
She was not easy. She demanded a lot. Every January (when things were worst for her) the circle of friends left caring for her were texting, calling, like dogs in the neighborhood to each other " she's coming, it's bad, be careful, can you help her? We're burnt out over here"
All of us wanting to be there but wondering if it coud ever be enough. The thing with depression and suicidal thoughts? For those who know what troubles are it makes sense. It isn't an offense to God, or selfish act against family. It's SELF. Before we are sons, co workers, mothers etc we are SELF.
Sometimes that pain, no matter what great smelling rose, roadtrip, birth, painting to take in, achievement etc may be around the corner, can not assuage the beast that is depression.
For those who may be thinking: "Wow, Shelly doesn't seem like she tried or cared very hard." You have no idea. We ALL tried we ALL cared.
This was HER choice. Fucked up as it was. Much love and support to those who knew her.
I love you hard Blue Girl. I love you so hard. May the other side bring you solace...