From a blog -

R.I.P. Li'l Bro, I'll never forget you
Current mood:devestated & crushed & sad as FUCK


Derek. Damn it man. I will never fucking stop loving you, dude. You were my best friend, my little brother, and the other half of my soul. I swear you were, because I feel like I lost half of it when you died. I feel like my insides are being torn out, it's a physical pain I can't explain. I can't believe you're gone.

I want to hug you again. I want to see you smile. I want to tell you how much I love you. I want you back. How can I live without you? How can I survive more than a week without hearing your voice?

I love you and miss you so much that I feel like my heart is being fucking ripped from my chest. Is this what you were feeling? Will the pain ever subside? No. It won't. Because I will never be able to see you, talk to you or goof around with you.... Making up lyrics to songs together, listening to you play the guitar and singing to me... Yellow. Glycerine. Every damn Green Day and Nirvana song ever written...

Damn it, I can't help but think about all the shit we've been through. All the problems we've helped each other out of. All the money we blew together in the name of fun. You introduced me to some kick ass bands: NOFX, AFI, MEST... You got me into Slipknot, System of a Down... so much more.

Music and Fun. That's what it was. Laughter and Tears. That's what we did together. I love you so much.

You rescued me when my car broke down. You said you were my superman. You don't know how true that was. It was a joke to you, but truth is.... You were my superman.

I want to wake up from this fucking nightmare. I don't want it to be real. I just talked to you yesterday... at four o'clock... then you were gone by eight. Four hours. Four fucking hours... If I'd only known it would be last time we talked, I would have said so much more... Would have talked to you until eight... I told you I loved you before I hung up the phone. I told you. I am so damned glad I did. You said you loved me too.... I am so glad you did.

I talked to you almost every single day. Always told you I loved you. If only you knew how much.

I am crying and typing and blowing my nose and thinking.... God, Derek, I miss you!

You'll always be my Superman. I love you.

~Your Sister-Mom Always & Forever~