I don't know what to say. I'm so depressed and I am so mad at you. I don't understand and I just want to ask you why! I keep crying and I can't stop thinking about you. You always had a smile on your face.I just don't get it. You were going to be 21 this year and you have like 9 million friends so I'm sure it would have been HUGE. Your music was so amazing and you were a computer genius.you were DEFINITELY going to go somewhere!

Do you guys remember "Thug Thursday"? Eric and Kevin Dickerson went to Good Will and bought those ridiculously long T-shirts and freaky ass pants, that was so funny. I remember the report he did on Steve Jobbs. I had never even heard that name until then but now every time I hear it, I think of Eric. He taught me what l33t was too. He signed my yearbook in 8th grade "I pwn j00? and I was like "What the hell is that?" Something else I distinctly remember but won't really talk about on here, is that we had a little exchange about suicide once in 10th grade. Apparently senior year, he and Jackie Densten got in a fight about whether or not I'm a lesbian because Eric wanted to wear the "I Love Lesbians" shirt that I wore. I talked to him senior year when he was home while suspended from school and he told me why he got suspended (hacking the school computers) and I thought it was funny but awesome. I told him that if you're going to be suspended for anything, using your intelligence (whether it be for good or bad!) was the best possible reason. Every time I hear The Cranberries' "Zombie" I think of Eric! He was so freakin' hilarious singing that song in school every day that it got stuck in my head and I went home and downloaded it.there's no way I could have gotten that sentence out without crying because I can remember how bad he had me laughing every time he did it. Eric was in most of my classes, I remember SO many things and I can't imagine how those of you who hung out with him all the time must feel if I'm feeling as down as I do only really having been a classmate and acquaintance.

I knew Eric in school for three years and we still talked online after I moved. I don't think he wanted anyone to know were talking because I'm not really "in" with that crowd but I didn't care because he apologized to me for sometimes making fun of me in high school. Actually, I never told anyone, not even Eric, that despite not getting along sometimes.I had a crush on him like junior year. The last time I talked to him was in July, I think, and he gave me his number to hang out for the second or third time but I never bothered because I always thought he was messing with me.

John Martino responded to my "What's up?" IM saying "I'm consumed with Eric at the moment." and I thought he meant that him and Eric were hanging out so I said "Oh, what are you guys doing?" John told me Eric was gone and I automatically pictured him and Eric screwing around like "I punched him, pow-pow you're dead." joking kind of thing. I responded in a joking manner as well, but I'm not sure he realized I thought he was kidding so he didn't really push the issue.so I went on with regular chatter. Then John sent me the MySpace link to Apples to Exponents and I started listening to it and asked John if that was Eric singing and seeing that it said "Needs shows" so I was going to inquire about seeing him do a show because I really liked it! I started noticing the R.I.P. comments and I'm like "Gee, this is some kind of inside joke I missed." but then I realized there were display names dedicated to the subject and thought, "That's a bit much." I got really panicky and started calling everyone I knew. My little sister apparently knew before me and she broke the news to me as I started crying "Are you serious? Are you sure? Ashley, I know him. I know Eric. He was in all my classes." Sorry to add that whole thing in there as if anyone cares but I can guarantee, I'll never forget it.

I only attended Eric's viewing because if every classmate/acquaintance attended the funeral, the precession would be 2000 cars long. That viewing was one of the worst things I have ever experienced.to see someone I know, someone my age, someone with such a promising future just lying there way before his time and all because he didn't think he had it in him. It was also hard that for the first time in three years seeing all of my old classmates, I saw them all in a state I never have and hope to never again see them in. I've never even seen Mohit Shah flinch but to see him with tears streaming down his face coming out of the funeral parlor, you know you are about to see the saddest thing in the world. The closer I started to get in the line, the more I wanted to turn back but I knew I had to pay my respects and pray for him. They played his music throughout the parlor which made it so much harder. It was so hard to pray, even in my head, over the sound of my tears but I sent my words up to Heaven with him. Anyone who says those who do what he did don't go there, they are wrong. God knows what you can handle when He makes you and when you experience hardships. Life is your gift and you do with it what you please. I am not defending what he did in any way, but I know that if there is a Heaven, Eric is there realizing how many people truly do care about him.

Nothing seems to be making this any easier. Every time I have a memory or start thinking about what has actually happened, I start crying. I know he's even in my subconscious because I've called my best friend "Eric" twice now and when I'm zoning while I'm typing, I end up typing his name too. Trying to comprehend this is like trying to figure out how existence came to be. I've begun to ramble so I guess that I will go try to sleep but I want to say this: I'm sorry to everyone else that knew him and I hope everyone is coping as well as they can. Whether we were friends or enemies, we all at least have one thing in common.we will all miss Eric Pataky.