From Charles' LiveJournal:

i want to die.

i don't even remember much of last nite. i remember talking to the police. stumbling around.
i think i threw my cell phone against a wall, along with my face...
i remember sharing long glances with certain people at the bar. and then the rest was a blur...
after the blur, i remember cursing my off my dad to high holy hell...then my friends left...
then i cursed him more, and he drove off in the honda...and i ran after it for like a quarter mile...
then i came back home, held my mother and told her about what a horrible husband he is. and i kissed
her on the forehead. then i asked her if she wanted to see my lady. and i showed her pictures of phoebe...
and then i told her how about how much i wish i could talk to her and about how much she is so pretty and
about how much i miss her and how i hate myself and about how perfect she is for me
and my mommy was being all noddy and said she was pretty...and...ah she's the best momma ever...i never
showed her who i was dating and well...i dunno. she looked happy...maybe only cause
for those few seconds i was calm....then i showed my mom my cuts and grabbed a glass in
my room and smashed it on my head, i took a shard and cut myself again....saying some silly shit like "i don't
feel her anymore, i've convinced myself i'm alone. i want to die." i cut again, once more. luckily mom didn't freak.
i love my mom. she knows how to handle and take care of me.
i laid on my floor. vomitted too, i think....i dunno. look like i did, anyway....

ah yea. then i remember rios coming over to the bar. and like. i got a round. and like some older lady sat at our table.
she said rios was a geek, greg was...i forget...something and she said i was just gorgeous and that
i was a gay chink and that if i didn't know if yet, i'm still gay...chris told me. she was a cunt. i bought her
a drink then i made her cry. then on the way home i rolled out the car and ran off with my pants off
and when i got home. but put my penis out the window. yea. wtf....anyway, this like...and she was like
how did we all meet cause we're all so different. i wish she never sat down. cause then i got so amped about myself
i showed me my cuts, told her i shot coke...
and i was completely feeding off of it. i'm sick sick sick. drunk drunken ass.
she had a glass eye too. i'm just pathetic pathetic so fucking pathetic. so fucking pathetic.
i need to die. she said i was gay. hah well....ah and....

yea. i dunno. i think that's when i blacked out...

she ....

fuck i miss phoebe. she probably hates me now. i probably called her when i was blacking out and don't remember.
i'm that bad. i probaby...did, i shouldn't put it past myself. probably said all the necessary things to make her fear me...
hate me...to ensure she never came back...cause my sickened mind wants no one ...nothing to come back to me...

i'm always denying myself good things in my life... i probably did. i'm really sorry....i wish last nite never happened.
i really do.....but it started like...

QA%^W#$UJDTRHETMI*&TJSR WE &^Y FUCK FUCK FHSIHJ IRSJHIO SDFAEFP AWE{OPDAWOPD
AW
aw

TPTA::UY FRAEKINGH LIKE FUCKING FREAKING ABOUT
....

again. k. yea fuick it

I LOST I FUCKING LOST
IGEOA^I%&W$

i don't know. i just don't know.

my story is stupid.

and no one should ever care about it.

my dad is still gone, mom won't say much and i won't ask.
my face is swollen like fuck cause i think i wrestled with greg cause man i was
really going to fight dad. actually, murder him. that's what
mom says i was threatening to do anyway.
lol, hah. i think i was asking the cops to arrest me too...actually...when they
were here....i told them straight up "i'm going to hurt him, like fuck his fucking ass up for cheating on mom."
i remember i think my mom told me "the truth"...lol
but here's the funny part...i was too drunk to remember whether or not she admitted
that i have a half-brother or not...i probably FINALLY HEARD THE ANSWER...and i was too angry too drunk to even care.

i'm the worst ever. someone should come here and kill me.

1 3 7 bene....
...nvmd.

i was too excited by the anger. i was adoring it...

i think...think she told me, yea?...

but i don't even remember...all i remember was kissing her on the forehead.
telling her she was my favorite, my momma, whom i loved...
and how bad her husband was for cheating on her and mistreating her...

my story is stupid. i am horrible.

and i still want to die.

...iiii cannnnnn not wait to die can't you tell can't you tell can't you tell.

anyway.

i'm alone again, without what i want to hold on to forever.
but i totally scared her off. scare everything. everyone. scare
my dad. i dunno where the fuck he is. scared my mom.

luckily i got good friends, but i know they got scared too.

but yea.

i don't....have her...

so i'm not writing for a long time

plus, i've decided. i'm taking one big long mental vacation.

so my life is getting put on hold. again. always.

fuck fuck fuck

don't fucking care about me. i obviously don't care about myself.

i wasn'tm yself last nite. i kept hugging my mom. greg was punching mei n the face trying to calm me
i was freaking out. about how my dad ruined the family.
i had to be restrained. i bit greg. and i held onto him for 10 seconds. i ran around naked.
i put my penis out the window and was gonna jump out it.
greg and chris were gonna catch a naked dude falling out.

they told mei t started with glass eye girl. she said i was gay and i started getting offended and she was
crying andi made a scene at the bar. i took my shirt of and ran around the parking lot half naked
and talked about this and that and a bout how there is no love in my life anymore

i had everything. i had everything.

you should see the vomit in my car.

my life is on hold. ah man. i had...so much potential. things were going to be great and i just fucked it up.

oh btw. what scares me, some motherfucker is being my aim doppleganger...
apparently....

aim keeps telling me i'm like signed on in two places.
so...if you hear from a ribbonedveins...and he don't talk like me. probably ain't me.

i'm gonna go cry now. for millicent, actually. not for myself. i don't do that anymore.

man i'm real lonely. and real pathetic again.

no beauty in my life. again. anymore.

my life is uninteresting. i am boring. and i am plain.

and i'm just dying.

and no one loves me anymore.

and i loved this one person so much

and i threw it away again

and i'm going crazy just one more time

because somewhere in the deepest part

of my rancid heart

i just love to do things like this.