I began to think about suicide at the age of ten. By the time I was 14, my motorcycle was, "Stop the world. I want to get off." I attempted suicide by od'ing on three handfuls of Valium that I got from my dad's cupboard. About 30 minutes after I took the pills he noticed I wasn't very alert. He asked what was wrong with me and I handed him the pill bottle. He promptly told me to put my hands behind my back because it was illegal to commit suicide. Thankfully, my step mom had the presence of mind to get me to the ER. At first, I refused to drink the Ipecac syrup to make me throw up. Just before I went unconscious, I agreed to take the syrup followed by water. Long story short: I was never given a psych evaluation which should have been done. They sent me home and I slept on and off for a week. Fifteen or sixteen years later I was finally diagnosed with major depression and started on my medication journey. In my mid 40's I was diagnosed Bipolar NOD. I no longer idealize suicide. In fact, my new motto became, "Suicide is a permanent solution to an otherwise temporary problem." and "The only constant in life is change."
Quite a few times. I have woke up on a ventilator more than twice and when I was in Statesboro, Ga. I took 60 ativan. My parents were told I was grave and I probably wouldn't make it.
I never wanted to die, I am *allergic* to psychotropic meds and all my suicide attempts were due to me taking Paxil, Prozac, Wellbutrin, ect....My mum was constantly on me to take 'em and they never helped me. She thinks if you cry your depressed. My problem was I was ill for the longest time (physically ill & PTSD) and I was self medicating, ie, legal and illegal drugs. Wasn't properly diagnosed with all my pain disorders till 2005 and 2011 was the bi-polar diagnosis.
Finally I quit taking them around 2002, quit cold turkey and I was a new person. That is what saved my life. I really don't know why I am alive.
I cannot/will not go near an anti-depressant and I need meds for manic-depression. Double edge sword, oy.
Last edited by u2addict; 10-29-2014 at 09:47 PM.
Fibro Fog has taken over. I am in a constant state of dyscognition so please excuse my retardation.
'The worst things in the world are justified by belief'- Raised by Wolves SOI
"Your life is short, it's the longest thing you'll ever do/ the worse the curse was that your dreams came true/
God is a mirror in which each man sees himself/ Hell is place where you don't need anyone's help"
~You got to cry with out weeping. Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice~
I am one of those people that every single anti-depressant I have ever taken had some gnarly side effects. I never got suicidal but manic, anorexic, and I think it was Paxil that made me obsessively dig a hole in my leg that was 3 inches deep. Fucking with brain chemistry is a dangerous game I choose not to play. I have my dark days just like most people, but I just keep taking it one day at a time.
I have nothing against medications for treating depression because there are so many that it helps. I'm just not one of 'em.
"Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang from a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy. But use your eyes, your common sense".... JIM GARRISON
Amen. I'm not going to say people shouldn't take meds if they help, but I've seen them do more harm than good in many cases (like with me ) and I'm also not a fan of Big Pharm and their motives.
Welcome to the machine.
Just be careful with them. A good rule of thumb.
I noticed our town dr. at one time was prescribing everyone Effexor (this was when it first came out). This was one that caused me to be manic. It wasn't until years later when I worked in a vet's office did I realize how the whole dr./drug rep thing work. It really is ridiculous. They aren't prescribing something because you need it, they are writing the scripts because they get a kick back.
"Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang from a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy. But use your eyes, your common sense".... JIM GARRISON
Any anti psychotic makes me want to kill myself...most of you know that I am bipolar II and anti social...I have gone off here and with that...not so much in my real life. And a few here have said I need meds...not so much. Im manic right now as it is 430 am, and haven't slept and feel fine. The meds that are supposed to make me better make me suicidal...how does that help me?
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; They listen with the intent to reply." ~ anonymous
"Keep calm and sing Soft Kitty"
"it is what it is!"
PS...I have 6 suicide attempts....none worked. Men have the right idea, bullet to the head. Women aren't willing to leave a mess. Women tend to try to od on anything....
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; They listen with the intent to reply." ~ anonymous
"Keep calm and sing Soft Kitty"
"it is what it is!"
Bats, hello, my friend. I'm so sorry for what you have to deal with. Before a sharp neurologist figured out I was narcoleptic, doctors kept trying to give me antidepressants which made the narcolepsy 10 times worse.
Don't go anywhere, you are needed in the world.
"Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang from a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy. But use your eyes, your common sense".... JIM GARRISON
I've tried suicide like 3 times I think. Tried cutting, overdose with pills, hanging. Got committed to mental care. I just hate my body.
I hate my body because I am transsexual. Meaning I am like the ugliest girl in the world because I got a guy body.
oh yes, I am, I am on that road, I am taking hormon medication. But the surgery that I need, I might haft to wait years for, to get.
I'm heading off, but I'll say this. You worry me @lilyravn. I'm sure there are support groups in your area that are specifically for people who are Transsexual. I really think you should try the connect with others that are going through what you're facing and perhaps find solutions that will help you become healthy with how you view yourself. Suicide isn't a solution and we lose FAR too many good people in this world due to gender issues. Whether it be Transsexual our Transgender. I know your body plays a large part in who you are as a person. But so does your soul. You may also find resources to help guide your body to match with the gender you identify as.
I'm glad you came to MDS. Welcome. And it would be great to see you stick around
hopefully I will not haft to pay out of my own pocket. Hopefully it's under health care, and I think it is, only I haft to go to so many apontments, as they want to make sure etc. It may take 5 years. And you know, christmas is hard, I get extra lonely, though I am always lonely. Mh you see my parents rejected me because of my gender issue.
Thanks for the welcome, that's sweet and kind of you.
I can never claim to know your pain. But I do know that family isn't always made up of blood relatives, red tape sucks donkey dick but eventually you get through it and will get what you need and that life is worth living. Keep your chin up and I still suggest seeking out a support group. It would be a good source for information and friends who truly understand your situation.
I can never claim to know your pain. But I do know that family isn't always made up of blood relatives, red tape sucks donkey dick but eventually you get through it and will get what you need and that life is worth living. Keep your chin up and I still suggest seeking out a support group. It would be a good source for information and friends who truly understand your situation.
lily, I am so sorry for your pain. Please, please, don't snuff out the light that is in you. You might not be happy with the packaging that you are currently in, but consider it a cocoon of sorts. Take things one day at a time. Make plans for your future. Don't lose hope no matter what. Things don't always come when we want them to, and being patient is hard. People aren't always able to be open minded when it comes to others. Take this time and work on the inside. It took my 47 years to realize I don't have to have the approval of others. I like me and enjoy spending time with me. The sooner you figure that one out the sooner you save yourself a lotta heartache and you will be less likely to take shit from anyone.
Accepting that you are transgender and coming out was the hardest step of the process. You survived that didn't you? As long as you are alive and kicking there is still hope. Happiness is having something to look forward to. Keep your eye on the prize, kiddo. There are support groups out there..FIND THEM!!! You will be happy you did.
"Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang from a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy. But use your eyes, your common sense".... JIM GARRISON
Well eh, thanks for your kind words, both of you. There is no a support group like that right were I live in my country I would haft to take the buss for at least 4-5 hours, and though I do not know those support groups, and I am not all that exited about meeting other people in my situation. We'll me and the other trans gender people may share the same problem, but we sure are different from each other, I've met some other trans people, and none of them I can relate to, we are weary different people. Heh, and all we would do is gather to only talk about our own common problem, I am not sure if that is such a great thing, maybe, I haven't tried, maybe I will some day, but I can't picture it. I like to surround my environment with all kinds of different people, it is more interesting I think.
One day, I hope to have my own family of sorts. And I sure haven't lost all of my hope, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have some hope to drive me. Sorry if my english is bad.
started when i was 12 my most recent was last year when my mom died. Now i'm just trying to learn about rachele rudd.
had a bad night so i set up my playlist
Gloomy Sunday
Mail Me by Dessret
Simple Plans Untitled
Lavender Town Theme
Theme from Mash
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