My friend died the other day

[RIPdavid1989]

[quote author=misanthrope link=topic=14812.msg907298#msg907298 date=1214486788]
They're just scared, confused and emotionally dominated by an intimidating and convincing man. It may be frustrating to an outsider, but understanding and compassion will save domestic violence victims - not anger or victim-blaming.
[/quote]

I dont know, maybe i'm just a jerk, but I just cant be understanding with this. Its like saying, Oh Melanie, Its ok, he beats the crap outta you. You'll get through it. lol

I just cant do that. im the kind of person where, if my friends or family are going through something, i will throw down in a heartbeat to make sure their ok. lol. I'm like a ninja. HIYAH!

[rps67]

[quote author=aprilcarter29 link=topic=14812.msg902704#msg902704 date=1214178772]
Oh I am sure women abuse men too. But physical abuse, is usually men on women.
[/quote]

I think this is what most people believe, but I read something recently that gave an estimate that both sexes are almost equally physically abusive. The problem is that men have difficulty reporting it more than women, I guess because it's not "manly" to admit that a woman beat you. I wish men would get the hell over it and report it because no one who is physically abusive deserves to be protected.

Alicia, I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend.

[misanthrope]

[quote author=Alicia C*~ link=topic=14812.msg907305#msg907305 date=1214487461]
I dont know, maybe i'm just a jerk, but I just cant be understanding with this. Its like saying, Oh Melanie, Its ok, he beats the crap outta you. You'll get through it. lol

I just cant do that. im the kind of person where, if my friends or family are going through something, i will throw down in a heartbeat to make sure their ok. lol. I'm like a ninja. HIYAH!
[/quote]

I said understanding of her, not of him or his actions. Be understanding of her distress and emotional conflict and her warped perception of things - as in, understand the fact that she's not just "allowing" it to happen. If she was able to view it with the rationality that you or I can, don't you think she would have dumped him already? The fact is, her self-esteem has been totally destroyed and she's probably suffering from depression, which would screw up her ability to see things rationally, affect her motivation and leave her feeling powerless and like she's incapable of the strength to escape from her situation. She's not just being lazy or stupid or enjoying the abuse.

[Circe]

[quote author=misanthrope link=topic=14812.msg907365#msg907365 date=1214492774]
I said understanding of her, not of him or his actions. Be understanding of her distress and emotional conflict and her warped perception of things - as in, understand the fact that she's not just "allowing" it to happen. If she was able to view it with the rationality that you or I can, don't you think she would have dumped him already? The fact is, her self-esteem has been totally destroyed and she's probably suffering from depression, which would screw up her ability to see things rationally, affect her motivation and leave her feeling powerless and like she's incapable of the strength to escape from her situation. She's not just being lazy or stupid or enjoying the abuse.
[/quote]

[Ron_NYC]

[quote author=rps67 link=topic=14812.msg907310#msg907310 date=1214487785]
I think this is what most people believe, but I read something recently that gave an estimate that both sexes are almost equally physically abusive. The problem is that men have difficulty reporting it more than women, I guess because it's not "manly" to admit that a woman beat you. I wish men would get the hell over it and report it because no one who is physically abusive deserves to be protected.

Alicia, I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend.
[/quote]
Also, when (most) men are being abused the signs aren't as obvious.
If a guy is 5'11" and 195 lbs. and his 5'1" 110 lbs. woman is hitting him, you're not gonna get the tell-tale black eyes and broken ribs.
And some are just getting shit thrown at them, and don't consider her attempts at pain any form of abuse cause they're not really getting hurt.

[RIPdavid1989]

[quote author=misanthrope link=topic=14812.msg907365#msg907365 date=1214492774]
I said understanding of her, not of him or his actions. Be understanding of her distress and emotional conflict and her warped perception of things - as in, understand the fact that she's not just "allowing" it to happen. If she was able to view it with the rationality that you or I can, don't you think she would have dumped him already? The fact is, her self-esteem has been totally destroyed and she's probably suffering from depression, which would screw up her ability to see things rationally, affect her motivation and leave her feeling powerless and like she's incapable of the strength to escape from her situation. She's not just being lazy or stupid or enjoying the abuse.
[/quote]

I didnt think about it like that. sorry! well, its all said and done now. she's gone. a beautiful woman. it took me almost 2 years to get over my other 2 friends deaths, here we go. another 2 years

[misanthrope]

[quote author=Alicia C*~ link=topic=14812.msg908143#msg908143 date=1214533545]
I didnt think about it like that. sorry! well, its all said and done now. she's gone. a beautiful woman. it took me almost 2 years to get over my other 2 friends deaths, here we go. another 2 years
[/quote]

Aah, I thought you were refering to people who are still alive...

*hugs* I'm sorry. Life is bloody cruel sometimes. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier for you. :-(

[RIPdavid1989]

[quote author=misanthrope link=topic=14812.msg908641#msg908641 date=1214581213]
Aah, I thought you were refering to people who are still alive...

*hugs* I'm sorry. Life is bloody cruel sometimes. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier for you. :-(
[/quote]

Just being able to vent is good enough! Thanks guys*