Page 53 of 59 FirstFirst ... 3 43 51 52 53 54 55 ... LastLast
Results 1,301 to 1,325 of 1474

Thread: JOKES??!! Post 'em here! karma abounds!

  1. #1301
    Senior Member Pheara's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Quebec
    Posts
    1,291
    Rep Power
    599445
    How does Justin Bieber remove a condom after sex???

    He farts...


    (I'm sorry, I had to.)

  2. #1302
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861
    A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'

  3. #1303
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861

  4. #1304
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861
    I always like to acknowledge Birthdays and here is one I could not leave out....


  5. #1305
    Senior Member animosity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    17,287
    Rep Power
    21474865
    why do italian men wear mustaches?

    because it reminds them of their mothers.
    Quote Originally Posted by songbirdsong View Post
    "Say, you know who could handle this penis? MY MOTHER."

  6. #1306
    wibbly wobbly timey wimey Seraphim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    In front of my computer screen.
    Posts
    4,052
    Rep Power
    21474856
    A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

    The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

    Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

    He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

  7. #1307
    wibbly wobbly timey wimey Seraphim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    In front of my computer screen.
    Posts
    4,052
    Rep Power
    21474856
    A dwarf got on but had to stand. A well mannered young girl offered the dwarf a seat and the dwarf became agitated. "You are only giving me the seat because I am a dwarf" she said "now feck off!"

    The young girl sat down as the passengers on the now silent bus looked away in embarrassment. A short time later a large heavy woman built like a Glasgow docker rang the bell to stop the bus. She offered the dwarf her seat as she walked forward. This time the dwarf was not as rude but declined for a more restrained version of the same reason.

    The woman turned to the dwarf saying "I am offering you the seat as I would to anyone who is standing when I am getting off, your height makes no difference to me love". The dwarf nodded a grudging appreciation and took the seat. "I think you owe the wee girl an apology though", the woman continued, "you were very rude and I hope Snow White kicks your arse when you get home."

  8. #1308
    senior cunt emmieslost's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    DSM
    Posts
    26,144
    Rep Power
    21474880
    what's the difference between sarah palin's mouth and her cunt?

    only half the shit that comes out of her cunt is retarded.

    ((my friend who HATES when people say retarded told me that joke.))

  9. #1309
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861
    George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

  10. #1310
    Unicorns and glitter! HeyyyMan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Tacoma
    Posts
    6,434
    Rep Power
    5918068

  11. #1311
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861

  12. #1312
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861
    Gawd I'm going straight to hell for this one......

    A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates... As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

    St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'

    So the zebra went off in search of God.

    When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

    God simply replied 'You are what you are.'

    The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'

    The zebra looked puzzled.. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''

    St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..'

    The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'

    'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is..'


    WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo ass!!!

  13. #1313
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861

  14. #1314
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861

  15. #1315
    Senior Member Deviant Toaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Cracker Hole
    Posts
    10,185
    Rep Power
    21474864

  16. #1316
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861

  17. #1317
    Senior Member Deviant Toaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Cracker Hole
    Posts
    10,185
    Rep Power
    21474864
    excellent!

  18. #1318
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861
    This is funny...


  19. #1319
    Balls okac's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    6,753
    Rep Power
    6371870
    double cheeseburger doesnt have lettuce
    I don't sell crack, I'm a prostitute.

  20. #1320
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861
    I don't eat them so I wouldn't know. Maybe he ad-libbed to make the stanza. Oh well I thought it was funny.

  21. #1321
    Senior Member UncomfortablyNumb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Cray Cray Town
    Posts
    6,870
    Rep Power
    21474854
    Dude! I have seen that before. I needa double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce....
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    She transitioned from a stupid asshole to a dumb bitch.

  22. #1322
    wibbly wobbly timey wimey Seraphim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    In front of my computer screen.
    Posts
    4,052
    Rep Power
    21474856
    Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

    "Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."

    "Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?" Dr. Smith says "Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her." Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."

    Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. "Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.

    The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly."

    Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just fucking with you, she's dead."

  23. #1323
    Senior Member animosity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    17,287
    Rep Power
    21474865
    ouch.
    Quote Originally Posted by songbirdsong View Post
    "Say, you know who could handle this penis? MY MOTHER."

  24. #1324
    Southern Undertaker Key West Digger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Hotter than Hotter Hell, Miami, Florida
    Posts
    8,212
    Rep Power
    21474861

  25. #1325
    Senior Member Deviant Toaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Cracker Hole
    Posts
    10,185
    Rep Power
    21474864
    Aww Poor little pac man LOL

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •