Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 60

Thread: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    5,647
    Rep Power
    103885

    "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    http://www.closeronline.co.uk/RealLife/Reallifestories/sex-with-car.aspx?dateonline=Monday+19+May+2008



    Monday 19 May 2008
    Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.

    The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years.

    Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe. :lol:

    “I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

    Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

    Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.

    “I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.”

    Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

    He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.”

    After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle.

    Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”

    It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

    “I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting. :lol:

    “After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”

    Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

    “I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

    Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her.

    Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

    Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

    “I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

    Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

    Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.”

    By Lisa Woollard

    See Jordan in My Car Is My Lover – Strangelove, 10pm, 28 May on Five.


    :lol: I can't stop laughing!


    http://www.myspace.com/dragvdub
    Boringgggggggggggggggg.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"





    'Nuff said!



    No but seriously, I wanted to highlight more than half that article and put :lol: next to it. The whole thing is priceless. Ohhh man. I'd feel sorry for him but I guess he's happy? 
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    5,647
    Rep Power
    103885

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I was reading some of the readers comments, and there was a few apparently from Jordan... One I cracked up on was that he never told the magazine he wore a condom, he doesn't :-/
    Boringgggggggggggggggg.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Candice link=topic=14288.msg863950#msg863950 date=1211442096]
    I was reading some of the readers comments, and there was a few apparently from Jordan... One I cracked up on was that he never told the magazine he wore a condom, he doesn't :-/
    [/quote]

    That's hot.

    I suppose the magazine thought that as long as he wore a condom, it wasn't really all that bad :-P

    Ewww, dirty peen. :lol:
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  5. #5
    Now featuring creatures. Creature Feature's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    5,472
    Rep Power
    13090082

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    &quot;Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.&quot;


    Todd is such a Trans Am name too&nbsp; :lol:

  6. #6

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I found video clips.&nbsp;

    &quot;Look at those tail pipes...&quot;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_KrJObpgWM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmQPQ9DJchc

    <br />:angel3:

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Creature Feature link=topic=14288.msg863957#msg863957 date=1211443339]
    &quot;Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.&quot;


    Todd is such a Trans Am name too&nbsp; :lol:
    [/quote]

    That part literally made me LOL. :lol: And he said they all work well together. How so, threesomes?&nbsp; :2shocked:
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  8. #8
    Now featuring creatures. Creature Feature's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    5,472
    Rep Power
    13090082

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Soul of Nature link=topic=14288.msg863965#msg863965 date=1211444343]
    That part literally made me LOL. :lol: And he said they all work well together. How so, threesomes?&nbsp; :2shocked:
    [/quote]

    I was wondering that too. It would be really awkward driving in a car with this guy.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Creature Feature link=topic=14288.msg863970#msg863970 date=1211444834]
    I was wondering that too. It would be really awkward driving in a car with this guy.
    [/quote]



    That is a really good point. I didn't think of that.
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  10. #10
    mydeathspace
    Guest

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I had to edit the first post to include a link to this freak's MySpace profile. The main pic, the music, LOL!!!!



    http://www.myspace.com/dragvdub &nbsp;


    In most of his pics, the VW doesn't even have a tail pipe. It's also lower so he must lay on his side while fucking it.

    In one picture, it looks like it has a stinger tail pipe. A buddy of mine had one on his VW in high school. It's loud as hell.

    A comment from one of his friends left before the article ran:

    whats up man? so glad the old girl is back with you where she belongs. treat her like the slut that she is. thank you, drag through please.
    :lol:

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=mydeathspace link=topic=14288.msg863974#msg863974 date=1211445181]
    I had to edit the first post to include a link to this freak's MySpace profile. The main pic, the music, LOL!!!!



    http://www.myspace.com/dragvdub &nbsp;





    [/quote]



    I love this thread!
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  12. #12
    mydeathspace
    Guest

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I almost think this is BS. I've heard of chicks sitting on shifter knobs, but never unprotected exhaust sex.


  13. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    13,687
    Rep Power
    749106

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Candice link=topic=14288.msg863943#msg863943 date=1211440684]
    http://www.closeronline.co.uk/RealLife/Reallifestories/sex-with-car.aspx?dateonline=Monday+19+May+2008



    Monday 19 May 2008
    Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.



    Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

    Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.


    “After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”

    Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

    “I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

    Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

    Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

    “I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

    http://www.myspace.com/dragvdub
    [/quote]

    Man, that is one punny article!&nbsp; But also hilarious. :lol:

    I also love his headline on ms.&nbsp; Editing the hot girls out of car photos.
    Hotsauce McGilacuty - You can't kill ghosts. They're already dead.

  14. #14
    creep trailerparktrash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Indooroopilly, Queensland, Australia, Australia
    Posts
    16,082
    Rep Power
    8664715

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    Quote Originally Posted by Cap-n Meow
    TPT is more caramel. She's sweet and so smooth she'll slide a finger in your butthole.

  15. #15
    Senior Citizen Nomad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    South Jersey
    Posts
    14,051
    Rep Power
    21474867

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    Do you think he keeps a copy of &quot;Auto Trader&quot; on his nightstand next to a box of Kleenex?

    "A vagabond dreamer, a rhymer and singer of songs
    Singing to no one and nowhere to really belong." - Waylon Jennings

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,571
    Rep Power
    35084

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I am soooo fucking my truck later. Awesome.

  17. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Kejami link=topic=14288.msg864227#msg864227 date=1211471550]
    I am soooo fucking my truck later. Awesome.
    [/quote]

    O rly?&nbsp;

    Pics or I don't believe it

    [quote author=Nomad link=topic=14288.msg864174#msg864174 date=1211468213]
    Do you think he keeps a copy of &quot;Auto Trader&quot; on his nightstand next to a box of Kleenex?


    [/quote]
    Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines

    I think that's a pretty safe bet :lol:

    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  18. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,343
    Rep Power
    505279

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"


  19. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    Hyper, that is disturbing on many different levels. :lol:
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  20. #20
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,343
    Rep Power
    505279

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I'm generally exhausted after sex.

  21. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=HyperU2 link=topic=14288.msg864420#msg864420 date=1211482439]
    I'm generally exhausted [s]after[/s] during sex.
    [/quote]

    I know all about you.
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  22. #22
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,343
    Rep Power
    505279

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=Soul of Nature link=topic=14288.msg864422#msg864422 date=1211482535]
    I know all about you.
    [/quote]

    Not yet.&nbsp; 8-)

  23. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,471
    Rep Power
    19

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=HyperU2 link=topic=14288.msg864423#msg864423 date=1211482570]
    Not yet.&nbsp; 8-)
    [/quote]

    You know that pic was from your private collection. :lol:
    Try to realize it&#39;s all within yourself. No one else can make you change. And to see you&#39;re really only very small. And life flows on within you and without you.<br /><br />--George Harrison--

  24. #24
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,343
    Rep Power
    505279

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    I don't look that good in red.

  25. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    567
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: "I HAVE SEX WITH MY CAR"

    [quote author=mydeathspace link=topic=14288.msg863983#msg863983 date=1211445871]
    I almost think this is BS. I've heard of chicks sitting on shifter knobs, but never unprotected exhaust sex.


    [/quote]

    I went to high school with a girl that ended up having to have surgery after she was fucking a shifter and it mixed all her girly parts up on the inside. &nbsp;Thankfully after that she can't have kids!!

    Edit/
    hope his tetanus is up to date

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •