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Thread: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice 3/2/08

  1. #1
    mydeathspace
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    Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice 3/2/08

    http://www.miamiherald.com/540/story/441182.html

    [size=15pt]Website provides a new death notice[/size]
    Whether out of morbid curiosity or a need to connect, young people have caught on to a website that documents the deaths -- and former lives -- of their peers.
    By: JAWEED KALEEM

    It's been more than a year since Arthur Olszewski was part of a gruesome car accident that left him and a friend dead in Fort Lauderdale, but the 18-year-old's memory still lives on the Web. More than 150 messages and letters have been left on his MySpace page, which has been transformed from a common teenage pastime to an online tribute to his life.

    So it also goes for 27-year-old Starsky Garcia, shot dead in North Miami Beach in January 2007, and 22-year-old Andria Ramoutar, who died in a fiery crash in Fort Lauderdale almost two years ago.

    While they may no longer walk among their friends, they have a presence in cyberspace, accessible to those they knew -- and those they didn't -- at the tap of a mouse.

    People's deaths, once largely pondered in our minds and discussed in homes and places of worship, are now fair game on the Internet through memorials on social-networking websites. San Francisco-based MyDeathSpace.com lists thousands of articles about teens and 20-somethings who have died, linking to their MySpace memorials. The popular site -- it gets up to 15,000 visitors a day -- categorizes user-submitted deaths by location and includes a message board for discussions.

    PUBLIC RESPECTS

    While tributes to the dead in ''real life'' are common -- whether on gravestones ornate with flowers and photos, or in the form of street-side, candle-lit memorials -- the virtual cemetery is fairly new and far more open.

    Visit MyDeathSpace -- not related to MySpace -- and read about Seth Drinkwalter, a 30-year-old stabbed to death early last month in Billings, Mont., allegedly by his girlfriend. Then go to his MySpace page. See his photos. Read his friends' messages.

    ''You were always my favorite cousin man. just wish i would have told you before tonight over a beer instead of tears,'' writes ''Zaylon.'' Dozens of similar notes follow. Then go to the MyDeathSpace message board.

    ''She looked like a very cold and mean person [to me],'' writes ''cathiesbloggs.'' She's talking about the girlfriend, whose MySpace page is also linked on MyDeathSpace. More than a dozen people -- none of whom seem to have known either person -- chime in on the discussion, which has gotten more than 400 views on the site.

    FRIENDS BY MEDIUM

    Why are people so interested in the lives and deaths of strangers? Perhaps it's simple curiosity, the same instinct that caused Michael Patterson, a 27-year-old paralegal, to launch MyDeathSpace in December 2005.

    ''Looking at the MySpace profiles of the deceased that haven't been altered by family members is like looking at a snapshot of that person's life at the moment they passed away,'' he said.

    ``You can see what the person was into, what music they enjoyed and all sorts of other interesting things that were important to that person before their passing.''

    Patterson said it's impossible to keep track of exactly who visits, but many teens and 20-somethings are among the group.

    Scholars who study death and researchers of social networks have been asking the ''why'' question, too.

    ''I'm not sure we're talking about deaths of strangers,'' said Larry Rosen, a psychology professor at California State University, Dominguez Hills, and author of Me, MySpace, and I: Parenting the Net Generation. 'They're part of the same online world. It opens up the definition of `friend.' ''

    But why the interest in death itself, especially by young people?

    ''Even though we see death a lot in the movies, real death is kept separate from us, including real bereavement,'' said Pamela Roberts, a human development professor at California State University, Long Beach, who's working on a book about online tributes. ``With making death more hidden, it's become more interesting and also more taboo. Particularly in the case of teenagers -- what are they going to do but go to a taboo site?''

    Between the ages of 10 and 12, children come to terms with the inevitability of death, said Carol Berns, co-founder of the Children's Bereavement Center in South Miami. Part of learning about mortality is reading about and discussing the deaths of peers and teens, but she's not sure of the value of places like MyDeathSpace.

    ''It's important to discuss death, dying, bereavement and grief with a person,'' she said, ``but not a computer. It should be a person whose judgment you trust and value. There are thousands of children who are using [MySpace and MyDeathSpace], maybe for healthy reasons and maybe not. It may engender a desensitization to death. You don't want to glamorize it.''

    CONNECTIONS

    Patterson doesn't think he's glamorizing anything. He argues that he's raising awareness about preventable deaths. That includes the 18-year-old man who drove drunk on the wrong side of a California freeway, crashing into another car. It also includes the 12-year-old boy who fell off of his skateboard while racing at 20 mph down a steep hill without a helmet.

    Ironically, deaths have come to users of Patterson's website, too. Elizabeth Seholm, 18, was a dedicated visitor from Mahopac, N.Y. She sported official MyDeathSpace gear -- a black rubber wristband with the site's URL and a cartoon skull. (Patterson also sells T-shirts, but has only gotten rid of a handful, he said. Profits are slim.) About a year ago, she died of a heroin overdose.

    The website's forums heated up, with more than 350 posts about her through January. A few people asked: Was it really an overdose or was it a suicide? Others offered sympathy for Seholm's family and friends. Some even wondered: Who is next?

    A mother mentioned her own daughter, who had battled drugs but been substance-free for a month. The discussion went in directions not directly related to Seholm, and became as much about people connecting as about morbid curiosity.

    ''Yay! Congrats to you and your daughter,'' wrote one user. ``It's probably been a hard road in the past, and I hope for the best in the future.''

  2. #2
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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice

    Great read. I have often wondered if there has been known MDS posters who have died.

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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice

    [quote author=titoswifey link=topic=13056.msg751096#msg751096 date=1204507155]
    Great read. I have often wondered if there has been known MDS posters who have died.
    [/quote]

    I believe two total. Correct me if I'm wrong, but yes, we have had one semi-regular poster die in a car accident and another enjoyed the site, was friends with an active member (who has since left after the death) who died of a drug overdose.

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    mydeathspace
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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice

    [quote author=[Pandora] link=topic=13056.msg751601#msg751601 date=1204524420]
    I believe two total. Correct me if I'm wrong, but yes, we have had one semi-regular poster die in a car accident and another enjoyed the site, was friends with an active member (who has since left after the death) who died of a drug overdose.
    [/quote]

    Three total I think.

    Mindy died from Cancer.

    The mother of the person who died in the car accident later committed suicide as well.

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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice

    [quote author=mydeathspace link=topic=13056.msg751624#msg751624 date=1204525989]
    Three total I think.

    Mindy died from Cancer.

    The mother of the person who died in the car accident later committed suicide as well.
    [/quote]

    How did I miss Mindy? I feel bad. :-(

  6. #6
    mydeathspace
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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice

    [quote author=[Pandora] link=topic=13056.msg751626#msg751626 date=1204526036]
    How did I miss Mandy? I feel bad. :-(
    [/quote]

    Not sure about Mandy, but yes, you missed Mindy.

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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice 3/2/08

    Wait, who died of the drug overdose?   
    And affirmative action is a very nice term for racial discrimination against better-qualified white people in jobs, employment, promotions and scholarships, and college admittance.

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    Re: Miami Herald - Website provides a new death notice 3/2/08

    I am out of it tonight. Jeez.

    mydeathspaceaddict had a friend who visited the site as well. She was in rehab I believe, met a girl who ended up giving her a dose of drugs that took her life. I don't think she signed up here though.

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