[size=18px]Grief Online[/size]
By Laurie Lucas, The Press Enterprise
MyDeathSpace
The practice of grieving in cyberspace has attracted savvy digerati, such as 25-year-old Mike Patterson, Web master of MyDeathSpace.com. The site chronicles the accidents, suicides, murders, diseases and drug overdoses that claimed young lives. It features links to more than 300 deceased MySpace users' personal Web pages, news stories, obituaries or blogs that detail their short lives interrupted.
Garret Mezuk, 16, of Warren, Mich., jumped from a freeway overpass Jan. 13. Kristen Bowen, 14 of Villa Park, Ill., was killed by a freight train Feb. 11. Annemarie Cambell, 23, of Paris, Tenn., died from an alligator attack May 14. Shawn Polewski, 22, of Portage, Ind., died of a heroin overdose Feb. 4. It's a haunting directory connected to Web pages that have changed from wisecracking daily journals about crushes or concerts to eulogies, remembrances and cries of pain from friends and loved ones.
There are daily additions by Patterson, a Bay Area paralegal and student.
About 81 million people are registered on MySpace. The company doesn't delete pages for inactivity, but will remove pages of deceased users at the request of survivors.
Nor does the company automatically allow people to assume control of the accounts of deceased users, said MySpace president Tom Anderson. "MySpace handles each incident on a case-by-case basis when notified, and will work with families to respect their wishes," Anderson wrote in an e-mail.
Sarah Amanda Snow wrote this tribute to Adrian Verdugo, who is listed on MyDeathSpace: "As soon as I met you I knew you were going to be a very special friend. Your smile, as many others have said, could always brighten my day, make me feel better. I'm so glad you moved in next door. I'm going to miss your jokes, your smile of course, your skateboarding, your 'west side' jokes, remember Compton?"
MyDeathSpace also celebrates the life of Kyle Miran, 15, of Apple Valley. He died last Oct. 7 while riding his dirt bike. Friend Tiffany Fanus wrote: "It's so hard cuz we think he's still here when he's not! It leaves a hole in your heart but at least he's in your memories and in your heart as well. I'll never forget you!"
The pages offer devastating glimpses of young people who died before they'd really begun to live. This very open grieving process has created a dilemma for bereaved parents. Many take comfort in accessing their children's private lives and staying in touch with their friends, but are uneasy about mourning in a public forum.
From reading the tributes to her son Kyle on MySpace, his mother, Theresa Miran, 48, said: "It's comforting to know he had such a huge impact on others. At least I have that connection."
But the loss is so shattering that Miran can't bring herself to enter Kyle's bedroom or even empty the dirty clothes he'd left in his hamper.
"I had a wonderful relationship with Kyle and his friends," Miran said. She has written a few comments on his MySpace and started one of her own. "He was so smart, funny and had so much potential. He had the kindest heart."
Flippant Reaction
But some of the remarks left on individuals' pages by random visitors are morbidly flippant, even brutal. "I guess he really DIDN'T want fries with that," posted by a user named Tom in response to the stabbing death of a 17-year-old girl by a deranged man at the McDonald's where she worked in Vancouver, Wash. A deaf girl killed by a train while she was walking and text messaging in Austin, Texas, prompted another user named Adrienne to write: "Such a cartooney death." MyDeathSpace Web master Patterson said he now removes links to memorial sites or comments when requested by the family. ...