Quote from: SOAD on Today at 05:19:54 PM
Quote from: niftydorkgirl on Today at 04:58:39 PM
Quote from: Jisela on Yesterday at 07:32:15 PM
ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it. i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.
But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.
It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.
I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest...
you dont tell us how your sister died, im guessing by your post that it was carbon monoxide poisioning. if thats the case try not to feel bad.....if she was running a car up in a small garage she would be dead within minutes, carbon monoxide absorbs into the blood 200 times faster than oxygen....hence it kills people without them even realising whats happening....the first they know of it is they suddenly feel tired and want to lay down.
you also say you drove past her, could you see her in the garage?
Yes, it was carbon monoxide poisoning. It took her 9 minutes and 23 seconds to die. Thats what the autopsy report said anyway. the only reason I drove past her house was because its what I always did. Her boyfriend was beating her, so I kind of did it to check on her. I drive past the front, then around the back. That day I did it, but didnt see her car. I just assumed she was at work... Her garage doesnt, well, didnt have any windows, so I didnt actually see her in there. Either way though, I would have been too late. When I had driven by, she had already been in the for an hour and a half.
Its hard to not feel bad about it. I mean... there are worse ways she could have gone, but it still happened.. I just feel so bad for people when something like this happens to them.