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Thread: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

  1. #51
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.Â* :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]

    you dont tell us how your sister died, im guessing by your post that it was carbon monoxide poisioning. if thats the case try not to feel bad.....if she was running a car up in a small garage she would be dead within minutes, carbon monoxide absorbs into the blood 200 times faster than oxygen....hence it kills people without them even realising whats happening....the first they know of it is they suddenly feel tired and want to lay down.
    you also say you drove past her, could you see her in the garage?

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.  :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]


    Im sooooo sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing a sibling. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

  3. #53
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=SOAD link=topic=1736.msg60960#msg60960 date=1159489194]
    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.Â* :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]

    you dont tell us how your sister died, im guessing by your post that it was carbon monoxide poisioning. if thats the case try not to feel bad.....if she was running a car up in a small garage she would be dead within minutes, carbon monoxide absorbs into the blood 200 times faster than oxygen....hence it kills people without them even realising whats happening....the first they know of it is they suddenly feel tired and want to lay down.
    you also say you drove past her, could you see her in the garage?
    [/quote]

    Yes, it was carbon monoxide poisoning. It took her 9 minutes and 23 seconds to die. Thats what the autopsy report said anyway. the only reason I drove past her house was because its what I always did. Her boyfriend was beating her, so I kind of did it to check on her. I drive past the front, then around the back. That day I did it, but didnt see her car. I just assumed she was at work... Her garage doesnt, well, didnt have any windows, so I didnt actually see her in there. Either way though, I would have been too late. When I had driven by, she had already been in the for an hour and a half.

    Its hard to not feel bad about it. I mean... there are worse ways she could have gone, but it still happened.. I just feel so bad for people when something like this happens to them.

     

  4. #54
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg61169#msg61169 date=1159509043]
    [quote author=SOAD link=topic=1736.msg60960#msg60960 date=1159489194]
    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.  :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]

    you dont tell us how your sister died, im guessing by your post that it was carbon monoxide poisioning. if thats the case try not to feel bad.....if she was running a car up in a small garage she would be dead within minutes, carbon monoxide absorbs into the blood 200 times faster than oxygen....hence it kills people without them even realising whats happening....the first they know of it is they suddenly feel tired and want to lay down.
    you also say you drove past her, could you see her in the garage?
    [/quote]

    Yes, it was carbon monoxide poisoning. It took her 9 minutes and 23 seconds to die. Thats what the autopsy report said anyway. the only reason I drove past her house was because its what I always did. Her boyfriend was beating her, so I kind of did it to check on her. I drive past the front, then around the back. That day I did it, but didnt see her car. I just assumed she was at work... Her garage doesnt, well, didnt have any windows, so I didnt actually see her in there. Either way though, I would have been too late. When I had driven by, she had already been in the for an hour and a half.

    Its hard to not feel bad about it. I mean... there are worse ways she could have gone, but it still happened.. I just feel so bad for people when something like this happens to them.


    [/quote]I am so sorry...I cannot imagine what that feels like.

  5. #55

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31


    Quote from: Helle on Yesterday at 11:37:07 PM
    I think what some of you have to understand is that, while you may feel suicide is a selfish act, the suicidal one doesn't see it that one.  One who is suicidal and clinically depressed may see themselves as doing a favor to those around them--It's a mix of being in extreme emotional pain and also feeling like a burden on those around you.  If people feel like a failure in life, they may feel like they are burdening their love ones and that any sadness they (the loved ones may feel) will be trumped by them having the percieved problem gone.

    While this is true for the most part, there are some whose (who's?) mental state is so deteriorated that they actually think  "oooh, they'll be sorry!".

    Happened to my best friend.  Her father committed suicide and wrote the most awful suicide note blaming her and her brothers.  Mind you, he was not the greatest person when alive and the eulogy at his funeral, although very odd, was quite a testament to that.

    Report to moderator    Logged 
    That is a terrible thing for a parent to do to his children.  Do the kids blame themselves?  Wow... thats just terrible




  6. #56

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Quote from: SOAD on Today at 05:19:54 PM
    Quote from: niftydorkgirl on Today at 04:58:39 PM
    Quote from: Jisela on Yesterday at 07:32:15 PM
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.  i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.


    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... 


    you dont tell us how your sister died, im guessing by your post that it was carbon monoxide poisioning. if thats the case try not to feel bad.....if she was running a car up in a small garage she would be dead within minutes, carbon monoxide absorbs into the blood 200 times faster than oxygen....hence it kills people without them even realising whats happening....the first they know of it is they suddenly feel tired and want to lay down.
    you also say you drove past her, could you see her in the garage?


    Yes, it was carbon monoxide poisoning. It took her 9 minutes and 23 seconds to die. Thats what the autopsy report said anyway. the only reason I drove past her house was because its what I always did. Her boyfriend was beating her, so I kind of did it to check on her. I drive past the front, then around the back. That day I did it, but didnt see her car. I just assumed she was at work... Her garage doesnt, well, didnt have any windows, so I didnt actually see her in there. Either way though, I would have been too late. When I had driven by, she had already been in the for an hour and a half.

    Its hard to not feel bad about it. I mean... there are worse ways she could have gone, but it still happened.. I just feel so bad for people when something like this happens to them.

    I've happened to witness more than a few people attempt suicide, mostly through pills, and always think about what would have happened if it had worked.  I feel for you, but the same time I can't imagine, I've only had scares.  I hope you can get over blaming yourself... It wasn't your fault and you had no control over any of it. 

  7. #57

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    If this guy had only known.  His wife wanted to reconcile, but too late

    http://www.ogrish.com/archives/spurned_lover_hangs_himself_mexico_Sep_20_2006.htm l

  8. #58

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    I just spent an inordinate amount of time in the comments section of Heather's MS and one thing strikes me about teen suicide: When someone is in high school, they're part of such an incredibly large community, where circumstances dictate that dozens, even hundreds of people see each other every weekday. The sheer number of people who had interacted with this girl in, let's just say, the week leading up to her suicide...it's mind-boggling that in her moment of desperation, she didn't think she had anyone to turn to.

    As all of us who've lived past high school (and/or college) know, it's quite a culture shock when those social circles evaporate, and suddenly there are only a handful of people around on a regular basis. I had dozens of "friends" in high school and after all these years, I consider myself very fortunate that I have still have two people in my life from back then.

    But the ripple effect that goes through a school when a student takes his or own life is so incredibly wide. And this was an extremely popular kid.  I read a few comments where people said something like, "I didn't know you well, but you said hi to me once in the hallway and smiled at me and that meant a lot to me." In life, Heather was a celebrity in her school! It makes the whole thing that much more baffling.

    Ah, well...more questions with no answers. RIP, Heather. And condolences to Ben, her family and everyone who knew her. So incredibly sad.
    I'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense.

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    The father of one of my sister's friends killed himself the other week. He planned and paid for his funeral in secret beforehand and everything. :|

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=not_here_really link=topic=1736.msg61181#msg61181 date=1159512298]

    Quote from: Helle on Yesterday at 11:37:07 PM
    I think what some of you have to understand is that, while you may feel suicide is a selfish act, the suicidal one doesn't see it that one.Â* One who is suicidal and clinically depressed may see themselves as doing a favor to those around them--It's a mix of being in extreme emotional pain and also feeling like a burden on those around you.Â* If people feel like a failure in life, they may feel like they are burdening their love ones and that any sadness they (the loved ones may feel) will be trumped by them having the percieved problem gone.

    While this is true for the most part, there are some whose (who's?) mental state is so deteriorated that they actually thinkÂ* "oooh, they'll be sorry!".

    Happened to my best friend.Â* Her father committed suicide and wrote the most awful suicide note blaming her and her brothers.Â* Mind you, he was not the greatest person when alive and the eulogy at his funeral, although very odd, was quite a testament to that.

    Report to moderatorÂ* Â* LoggedÂ*
    That is a terrible thing for a parent to do to his children.Â* Do the kids blame themselves?Â* Wow... thats just terrible
    [/quote]
    No, they don't blame themselves but there's a lot of hurt there and an immense lack of closure.

    I know it sounds cruel, but after spending countless hours sitting by her side while she went on and on about their history and the recent problems I grew to despise the man - she deserved much better. So at one point, I was actually happy to see him go, but seeing that it caused her continuing pain changed my perspective.  I'm very angry though.  The man was in complete denial of the damage he had done while alive - right up to the very end and as far as I'm concerned was the ultimate selfish bastard - for taking his life rather than have the guts to own up to his past with his children and for taking his life and blaming them.
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Getting arrested for coke in Vegas is like being found eating a chocolate bar in the willy wonka factory.

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    Damn double post!
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Getting arrested for coke in Vegas is like being found eating a chocolate bar in the willy wonka factory.

  12. #62
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    I wonder what the deal was.  Why were they telling Ben not to mess up and he couldn't find a better girl? 
    http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=ViewImage&imageid=5875283 55&friendID=21653232&startID=30785171& next=1&page=1

  13. #63

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.  :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]

    Your post hit hard. In fact this whole thread and her suicide is hitting hard for me. My best friend committed suicide when we were both 18, I now 35 and yes...it does fuck up your life. There is always a before and an after. My life and soul imploded on that day. And I was really really fucked up for years. It changed who I was , how I saw the world and how I interacted with everyone. To this day I am closed off and terrified of intimacy. I have changed for some ways for the better over the years and grew wiser. That kind of loss makes one wiser, it has too.

    Suicide causes such RAGE. I have lost others (my mom and others) to death....suicide IS very different. It feels like a massive betrayal. There is no closure. To this day.....the agony, questions, memories, pain and rage can still feel just as fresh. And I REALLY hope those close to the boyfriend are trying to help.....no one helped me and I am lucky to still be alive...I had a death wish for years (drug use, stupid choices, just constant running away from my emotions and myself).

    It's just all so damn sad. I am so sorry for you having to lose your sister in that way.....nothing can take the pain away. Words are useless.

  14. #64
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=misanthrope link=topic=1736.msg61215#msg61215 date=1159524477]
    The father of one of my sister's friends killed himself the other week. He planned and paid for his funeral in secret beforehand and everything. :|
    [/quote]

    wow.....thats scary

    at least he was organised (i dont mean that sarcastically)

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=6 haunted days link=topic=1736.msg61263#msg61263 date=1159537476]
    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it.  :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]

    Your post hit hard. In fact this whole thread and her suicide is hitting hard for me. My best friend committed suicide when we were both 18, I now 35 and yes...it does fuck up your life. There is always a before and an after. My life and soul imploded on that day. And I was really really fucked up for years. It changed who I was , how I saw the world and how I interacted with everyone. To this day I am closed off and terrified of intimacy. I have changed for some ways for the better over the years and grew wiser. That kind of loss makes one wiser, it has too.

    Suicide causes such RAGE. I have lost others (my mom and others) to death....suicide IS very different. It feels like a massive betrayal. There is no closure. To this day.....the agony, questions, memories, pain and rage can still feel just as fresh. And I REALLY hope those close to the boyfriend are trying to help.....no one helped me and I am lucky to still be alive...I had a death wish for years (drug use, stupid choices, just constant running away from my emotions and myself).

    It's just all so damn sad. I am so sorry for you having to lose your sister in that way.....nothing can take the pain away. Words are useless.
    [/quote]

    Just curious...........do you know why your friend commited suicide?......... :?

  16. #66

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=Elegantly_wasted link=topic=1736.msg61313#msg61313 date=1159542267]
    [quote author=6 haunted days link=topic=1736.msg61263#msg61263 date=1159537476]
    [quote author=niftydorkgirl link=topic=1736.msg60943#msg60943 date=1159487919]
    [quote author=Jisela link=topic=1736.msg60039#msg60039 date=1159410735]
    ive never had anyone i knew kill themselves but i dont know how i would react if someone i knew did. For some reason i think i would believe i somehow had something to do with it. :| i dont get angry but i def. do think it is such a selfish thing to do becuase of how many people it effects.
    [/quote]

    Theres no right way to react to it. Some people get mad, others blame themselves. My oldest sister committed suicide a few years ago and to this day, I place the blame on myself. Not because I was the reason she did it, but because I drove right past her while she was sitting in her garage... not once, but twice. I feel like I could have saved her, stopped it from happening before it was completed. And I think thats something that goes through a lot of people's minds when something like this happens. Ben is probably thinking things like "If I would have stayed on the phone with her." or "If I would have waited another day to end things..." Hell if I know.

    But I do know that hes probably going to be a mess for a long time. In fact, probably forever. Things like Suicide dont just "get better." Its not like when your grandma dies because she's old or has a disease. You expect those things... and suicide is just so... incomplete.

    It is a selfish act, but then again, maybe the people on the outside can be looked at as selfish also... for not noticing the signs, or paying more attention. Its all just a cycle. A big battle that no one can really win.

    I hope her friends and family are all okay, because its only been a few months, and the first year is the hardest... :|
    [/quote]

    Your post hit hard. In fact this whole thread and her suicide is hitting hard for me. My best friend committed suicide when we were both 18, I now 35 and yes...it does fuck up your life. There is always a before and an after. My life and soul imploded on that day. And I was really really fucked up for years. It changed who I was , how I saw the world and how I interacted with everyone. To this day I am closed off and terrified of intimacy. I have changed for some ways for the better over the years and grew wiser. That kind of loss makes one wiser, it has too.

    Suicide causes such RAGE. I have lost others (my mom and others) to death....suicide IS very different. It feels like a massive betrayal. There is no closure. To this day.....the agony, questions, memories, pain and rage can still feel just as fresh. And I REALLY hope those close to the boyfriend are trying to help.....no one helped me and I am lucky to still be alive...I had a death wish for years (drug use, stupid choices, just constant running away from my emotions and myself).

    It's just all so damn sad. I am so sorry for you having to lose your sister in that way.....nothing can take the pain away. Words are useless.
    [/quote]

    Just curious...........do you know why your friend commited suicide?......... :?
    [/quote]

    Errrr what a question. I mean so many things. I guess you could say I knew why. We had been best friends since we were 12 and I knew his home life was horrible, so was mine. So we kind of clung to eachother. At about 16 he started getting into heavy drugs. We used to drink etc....but he got into heroin. In a short time I watched him change into another person. We were fighting constantly...he was stealing from me and others...he would quit (I helped him a few times) then lie and start up. Constant lies. He was a shell of a person that I knew, and I did everything I could to try and help. But as you know....there is no helping someone in that situation unless they really want it. The whole back and forth thing was tearing me apart and I was dealing with many of my own problems (abusive boyfriend, drunk mom....yes the fun teen years), and I started to back away from him....he had of course threatened suicide before, I say of course because he was overly dramatic and did that often. He called me one night and started in...we fought, he said I didn't care about him anymore and how he had nobody, I tried to make him see how wrong he was....this time though the threats seemed different ....I had this sense of complete dread when he hung up on me. And when I called back it was busy. So I stole my moms car (didnt have a license yet) and drove over to his place. But it was too late. I think the fact this happened and I am the one who found him (shot himself) is what caused a lot of the problems and how fucked up I got. I don't know, maybe I just tell myself that.

    I see so many of these teen suicides and they seem so "together" and happy. Tons of friends, loving family....a future. With my friend...that was not the case....so there isn't so much a "why?" as a rage in.....I feel he never gave himself a chance he gave up and in so damn quickly....and to put the blame on me for killing himself was very cruel.  I don't know if it was impulsive or planned with him. Just a fuck you to me. I don't know.

    Well that was a long explanation....I never discuss it with anyone....not even those closest to me. Once he died I barely said his name and tried to wipe it all blank...all emotion, it was just too terrifying and overwhelming...course it doesn't work. But it's always easiest saying these things on an anon board.

  17. #67

    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    Wow that must have been hard...I'm so sorry that you had to find him...I hope that one day that you can talk about it and that it doesn't haunt you, but I'm sure that day is a far and distant dream...

  18. #68
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    Did she really hang herself, or did she use pills? 
    &quot;I must be cruel to be kind;<br />Thus bad begins, and worse remains behind.&quot;

  19. #69
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=kruel1free link=topic=1736.msg95712#msg95712 date=1162492500]
    Did she really hang herself, or did she use pills?Â* Â*
    [/quote]

    er....because because ppl use pills to suspend themselves by their neck...mmm

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    It says asphyxiation (yes I am sure I spelled that wrong.) Does it say exactly that she hung herself? Also where does it say that her and her boyfriend broke up right before? Sorry if it is obvious.&nbsp; :-)

  21. #71
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    I haven't read this whole thread, so this may have been already said; in the boyfriend's pictures a caption says she died on May 12, 2006.&nbsp; They must have typo'd the year in the obit.
    Plus, the age doesn't add up - she was 16 when she killed herself, and she was born 8/?2/1989.
    She would have turned 17 three months ago.

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    I don't know why but this suicide really haunts me.&nbsp; RIP HEATHER.

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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    [quote author=lainiesmom link=topic=1736.msg95862#msg95862 date=1162502905]
    It says asphyxiation (yes I am sure I spelled that wrong.) Does it say exactly that she hung herself?[/quote]

    No.

    [quote author=lainiesmom link=topic=1736.msg95862#msg95862 date=1162502905]
    Also where does it say that her and her boyfriend broke up right before? Sorry if it is obvious.&nbsp; :-)
    [/quote]

    A friend from her school wrote that (3 days before) in a non-MS blog. I believe there is a link somewhere in this thread.
    &quot;When doing business with a religous sonofabitch, get it in writing. His word isnt worth shit. Not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.&quot; -William S. Burroughs

  24. #74
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    Here it is...

    [quote author=Luvbeers link=topic=1736.msg59240#msg59240 date=1159367270]
    A close friend comment's on her break up:
    http://xxpregnantxx.mydeardiary.com/...de_key=1948933
    [/quote]
    &quot;When doing business with a religous sonofabitch, get it in writing. His word isnt worth shit. Not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.&quot; -William S. Burroughs

  25. #75
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    Re: Heather Hardman - Suicide #31

    well it seems that the girl deleted her blog about it.
    http://xxpregnantxx.mydeardiary.com/

    but basically she was giving thanks to Heather for talking her out of aborting her teenage pregnancy.
    &quot;When doing business with a religous sonofabitch, get it in writing. His word isnt worth shit. Not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.&quot; -William S. Burroughs

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