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Thread: Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

  1. #1476
    Senior Member leapfreak's Avatar
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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    Thank you for sharing your memories and photos of Michelle with us.  It's been an amazing experience and wonderful to learn what a wonderful person Michelle was.  I think both you and she have really touched people here.

    RIP Michelle

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=Gemini link=topic=1474.msg438307#msg438307 date=1183126055]
    I think that this is an absolutely amazing post.

    Michelle's writing's, her story and your posts have touched so many people and I truly hope that her story helps other people who may be in a similar situation.

    Miss*chelle*chelle, you are a very strong and courageous person and I am very glad that you shared Michelle's story and beautiful pictures on here.


    [/quote]

    Thanks for taking the journey, Gemini, and for the small talks we've had along the way.
    [quote author=Dolly Dagger link=topic=1474.msg438602#msg438602 date=1183132764]
    The Green one, Buttercup is my 17yo's favorite too! 



    She still has a 3foot stuffed Buttercup doll in her room.

    Michelle will probably always come to my mind now when I go into my daughter's room.  And I'm glad.
    [/quote]
    It's nice to know you'll be thinking of my Michelle!    OK, I'll confess ... the green one is my fav, too.  :2grin:
    [quote author=leapfreak link=topic=1474.msg438698#msg438698 date=1183135024]
    Thank you for sharing your memories and photos of Michelle with us.  It's been an amazing experience and wonderful to learn what a wonderful person Michelle was.  I think both you and she have really touched people here.

    RIP Michelle
    [/quote]
    Thanks for your kind post, leapfreak.  She was amazing, for sure!  :-)  I appreciate all who took the time to get to know her. 

  3. #1478

    Re: Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    Thank you so much for sharing these with all of us. It was like reading/looking at a biography on her. She may or may not know it, but I'm sure she's going to help so many other people who are in bad situations. Not to stray away from Michelle, but a guy I knew for years killed himself almost two weeks ago, after I had seen this thread. And I started thinking of all of the things you said and so much of it started making more sense. Like the time you said your son said about Michelle not being able to eat anything again. So many of the things you mentioned came to mind and wouldn't go away. You've got to be one of the strongest people in the world and I wish you knew how much you've helped me out in so many ways just by posting your daughter's story. Thank you. :-)

  4. #1479
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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    Thanks for posting more pics, miss chelle chelle.

    Hope you are well.  :-)
    Anyone who says onions make you cry has clearly never been hit in the face with a turnip.

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    Re: Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=Lonerwise link=topic=1474.msg440566#msg440566 date=1183262561]
    Thank you so much for sharing these with all of us. It was like reading/looking at a biography on her. She may or may not know it, but I'm sure she's going to help so many other people who are in bad situations. Not to stray away from Michelle, but a guy I knew for years killed himself almost two weeks ago, after I had seen this thread. And I started thinking of all of the things you said and so much of it started making more sense. Like the time you said your son said about Michelle not being able to eat anything again. So many of the things you mentioned came to mind and wouldn't go away. You've got to be one of the strongest people in the world and I wish you knew how much you've helped me out in so many ways just by posting your daughter's story. Thank you. :-)
    [/quote]
    Thank you Lonerwise, for making known the impact this has had on you, and I know others, as well.  I know that Michelle'e heart's desire was always to help other people, and in this unexpected way, she is helping others.  I'm so thankful that you have been so helped by all of this, and saddened for the loss of the person that you'd know for so long.  May he RIP. 

    As you said, not to stray away from Michelle, but the cause of her death being suicide, I feel compelled to share these things today, about the ending of Michelle's life, not for any reason but that hoping others will be impacted by it.  I actually highly value my privacy, and the privacy of my family, so ordinarily I would never share anything so private as this ... but I feel this does need to be told, for the help it could bring to others ... (My children know most of these things by now.) Just about 3 weeks ago, I came across a clipping that I had saved for a few years, just because it hurt me for them so much.  It was about a couple who had white-collar jobs, in their early 20s, living the 'good life', but then got into coke.  Lost everything, homeless, begging for food...  They ended up both hanging themselves off a walkway that connected big building over top of a busy street (in Seattle), and due to red tape, etc., it took over a day for them to cut them down, as traffic went by below them.  Another man hung himself off his balcony @ college, and it was not until people came back to classes on Monday that he was found.  I shared those instances to say this: They asked who had cut Michelle down (she was 5'9", I'm not quite 5'2"), and I said that I did, because I thought I was going to be in time to save her. (First I pushed the chair over behind her to break her fall.) The last thing on my mind was police protocol.  A pastor friend of mine said that if I hadn't done that, she would have hung there until they took her down ... It was 4 hours before they took her out of the house that day, as Jess and I sat outside in the detective's car.  We watched in helpless horror & shock from his car as they took our beloved Miss*chelle*chelle away in a black body bag.

    I kissed her good-bye that morning, and told her that I loved her, and that I'd be back around 1:30 to take her to work.  Those were the last words I ever was able to speak to her ... I was fortunate in the sense that by the time I found Michelle, her weight had pulled her down until her feet rested on the floor, so that actually she was standing, and I didn't have to see her suspended in mid-air.  Taking in the sight as I first opened my front door, seeing the sheet that attached her to the beam, I thought at first that she was playing a twisted joke on me.  Your mind wants to reject the truth of reality.  As I realized that this was not a joke at all, I began screaming her name at the top of my voice ... as if I just screamed it loudly enough, she would open her eyes and answer me.  I was fortunate in the sense that her eyes were thankfully closed.  I was thankful in the sense that she chose to do this at home, and not in a place where perhaps she'd never be found.  I held her in my arms for the last time as I guided her into that chair, basically just breaking her fall into it.  I fell to the floor, in shock, and reached out to feel for her pulse ... there was no pulse, and her skin was already cold.  As I looked up into her beautiful face, I realized that her lips were already blue.  As I called 911, I was screaming into the phone, and the woman couldn't handle it, so she put me with someone who talked to me gently as I crawled out the front door, and waited on my porch for them.  By the time I made it out there, the emergency crew & police were already there.  And I am especially thankful that I didn't think about police protocol (I know they have their reasons, and they are legitimate), because I would've hated to sit out there for 4 hours, knowing that she still was in the condition I found her in.  It was bad enough when I still saw her sitting in the chair as I came back up the hallway from putting the dogs away, with the sheet standing straight up about a foot in the air from the stress of having been pulled so tightly for so long.  My beautiful, fun-loving, loved-her-family-intenesly Michelle...  I crumpled to the floor at that, and couldn't move.  After a few minutes, I knew I couldn't stay there, and somehow made it out the front door.

    I shared all that not for sympathy, but for no other reason than that we rarely hear of the other side of the suicide.  We read a few details, if any, in the newspaper.  But we rarely hear of the aftermath.  I can't speak for others, but in posting some of these things, and other things along the way, I'm believing that it can be pieced together for those who may perhaps have never thought it out fully, if at all.  My heart's desire is the same as Michelle's was ... that others will be helped, and many more others will stop to think of the value of the lives of people you don't know, what they meant to the ones who loved them.  RIP, Miss*Chelle

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=Tarren link=topic=1474.msg440717#msg440717 date=1183278812]
    Thanks for posting more pics, miss chelle chelle.

    Hope you are well.  :-)
    [/quote]
    Hi, Tarren!  I had to post those last 3, that showed her as she really was!  :-)  And I am getting better, thank you so much for asking. 

  7. #1482
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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=miss*chelle*chelle link=topic=1474.msg440755#msg440755 date=1183293873]
    Hi, Tarren!  I had to post those last 3, that showed her as she really was!  :-)  And I am getting better, thank you so much for asking. 
    [/quote]

    You're welcome! I'm glad you are feeling better.

    You have brought so much insight into the taboo subject of suicide for me, I know it must be very hard for you to relive that day.

    I think you are a very special person and I am grateful for the way you have come to this site to talk about Michelle and share parts of her life ( and death  ) with us.

    Anyone who says onions make you cry has clearly never been hit in the face with a turnip.

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    senior cunt emmieslost's Avatar
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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    miss*chell*chell,

    your story takes me back...  MDS has helped me to heal in many, many ways...i hope you've been healing along with us.    thank you so much for sharing your story, and michelle's story.  she has touched so many people...it's been a pleasure getting to know her.  she's beautiful, like her momma.   

    thank you so much....
    emily

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    Wow Miss*Chelle*Chelle!  There have been so many times I have wondered how Michelle completed suicide and as great and open as you have been, I could not and would not ask such a question.  It may have stated in the beginning of the thread but I never read the beginning.  I wanted to know who she was in life not how she decided to end it.  I admit I wondered but I guess I figured that her method did not matter.  You know what I mean.  You have shared so much of her with us and I am so grateful and the great thing is that we have gotten to know you as well.  Your love for your baby runs so deep and as a parent I understand that love but I can't even begin to understand the pain.  As I told you earlier, you really have changed my opinion on people who complete suicide.  I use to think that they were selfish and "how could the do that to their family?"  You have taught me not to judge so harshly and understand that they must have really been in pain to choose such an exit from this life no matter what the method.

    My Niece was a Sophomore in college last year and one of her best friends she went to High School with and then college with killed himself just after Christmas break in his dorm.  He hung himself and my niece and another girl found him.  She was devastated and tormented by the site. She had nightmares for months but never once did she say "how he could do this to us?" but rather said "how am I going to go through the rest of my life without him?"  She loved him and swears that there were no signs.  She and her friends have such guilt for not seeing that he was in trouble.  Whatever demons he was dealing with were not apparent to his family or friends.  To say all were shocked would be an understatement.  When this happened last winter, my reaction was "how could he do this to his family and all the people that loved him?"  Because of you, I will never have this reaction to a suicide again.  Suicides should be discussed so that people might ask for help rather then hide the pain.

    Much love to you!  You are a hell of a woman but also an amazing Mother.  You use Michelle's death to educate people and therefore her death will never, ever be in vain!

    AKM  :kiss3:

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=emmieslost link=topic=1474.msg441393#msg441393 date=1183350668]
    miss*chell*chell,

    your story takes me back...  MDS has helped me to heal in many, many ways...i hope you've been healing along with us.    thank you so much for sharing your story, and michelle's story.  she has touched so many people...it's been a pleasure getting to know her.  she's beautiful, like her momma.   

    thank you so much....
    emily
    [/quote]
    Thanks, Emily.  It has been good to get to know some of the mdsers along the way, and I'm feeling that giving Michelle's story has helped me, for the reason that I know that it has helped many others.  Thank you 

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=abbykatesmom link=topic=1474.msg441435#msg441435 date=1183352829]
    My Niece was a Sophomore in college last year and one of her best friends she went to High School with and then college with killed himself just after Christmas break in his dorm.  He hung himself and my niece and another girl found him.  She was devastated and tormented by the site. She had nightmares for months but never once did she say "how he could do this to us?" but rather said "how am I going to go through the rest of my life without him?"  She loved him and swears that there were no signs.  She and her friends have such guilt for not seeing that he was in trouble.  Whatever demons he was dealing with were not apparent to his family or friends.  To say all were shocked would be an understatement.  When this happened last winter, my reaction was "how could he do this to his family and all the people that loved him?"  Because of you, I will never have this reaction to a suicide again.  Suicides should be discussed so that people might ask for help rather then hide the pain.

    Much love to you!  You are a hell of a woman but also an amazing Mother.  You use Michelle's death to educate people and therefore her death will never, ever be in vain!

    AKM  :kiss3:
    [/quote]
    That's exactly how I feel ... I've read stories of parents who were asking 'how could they do this to us', but mine is like your daughter's.  And it still is, every day ... Tell your daughter not to feel guilty, people in that frame of mind become very good at presenting only what they want people to see.  That may not sound very comforting, but it is very, very true.

    I'm thankful, AKM, that you've changed your viewpoint like you have.  You also are an amazing person, and I've seen your compassionate heart in many of your posts.  I'm glad to have met you, and many of the other mds'ers.   
    No doubt we'll talk again someday. :-)

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=miss*chelle*chelle link=topic=1474.msg439421#msg439421 date=1183157712]
    Thanks for taking the journey, Gemini, and for the small talks we've had along the way. It's nice to know you'll be thinking of my Michelle!   
    [/quote]

    It has been a very interesting and poignant journey Miss*Chelle*Chelle and I am very glad that you shared it with us.


    You will always be welcome to small talk with me anytime. 

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    I found an old roll of 35mm film the other day, and took it in to get it developed.  I picked it up today, and there were only 4 surviving pictures on that roll.  So I hope it's OK if I share them with my MDS friends today.  They are all 4 of Michelle, and of course I'd never seen them at all before today ... they survived inside that film roll for 28 years, because she's just past 2 years old in these pics.

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    She's blowing momma kisses here, my lil angel-baby ...         


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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    So now she's giving me her little smoochy face  :2grin:  What a cutie-bug! 


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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    miss chelle chelle, I for one will never tire of seeing your pictures of Michelle and listening to you talk about her.

    Thanks for sharing her closest moments and pictures with us.

    You have become a big part of MDS for me. 
    Anyone who says onions make you cry has clearly never been hit in the face with a turnip.

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=Tarren link=topic=1474.msg447204#msg447204 date=1183671515]
    miss chelle chelle, I for one will never tire of seeing your pictures of Michelle and listening to you talk about her.

    Thanks for sharing her closest moments and pictures with us.

    You have become a big part of MDS for me. 
    [/quote]

    Thank you so much, Tarren ... I found over a dozen more pics tucked away the other day!

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    I'm not sure about this look .. probably wanting to know what I want her to do next, cos it looks like, "What next, momma?"  I can also tell this must've been a hot day ....


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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=miss*chelle*chelle link=topic=1474.msg447208#msg447208 date=1183671596]
    Thank you so much, Tarren ... I found over a dozen more pics tucked away the other day!
    [/quote]

    You should post them if you want to.

    I think that the way you have come here, with dignity and kindness, says a lot about the person Michelle aspired to.
    Her Mom.

    You truly are inspiring. I wish more people could see the good that this website can do instead of focusing on the bad.

    Michelle would be ( and I'm sure is ) so proud of you.

    Fond blessings to you always, miss chelle chelle. ( I don't even know your real name, although I have a feeling I should ) 
    Anyone who says onions make you cry has clearly never been hit in the face with a turnip.

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=Tarren link=topic=1474.msg447217#msg447217 date=1183671828]
    You should post them if you want to.

    I think that the way you have come here, with dignity and kindness, says a lot about the person Michelle aspired to.
    Her Mom.

    You truly are inspiring. I wish more people could see the good that this website can do instead of focusing on the bad.

    Michelle would be ( and I'm sure is ) so proud of you.

    Fond blessings to you always, miss chelle chelle. ( I don't even know your real name, although I have a feeling I
    should )  [/quote]

    Thank you, Tarren, for saying such kind things.  And you can call me Sue 

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    I needed to re-scan this one ... it is amazing to me that these 4 pics survived all that time, and were the only ones that made it.  You can see some things on the other negs, but these were the only one they could get actual pics from ... that makes them all the more special to me ... this is the last of the 4    I think she's 'catching' a kiss that I blew at her



  22. #1497
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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    She looks such a cutie in that one !

    Although I think a mischevious streak is lurking there. 
    Anyone who says onions make you cry has clearly never been hit in the face with a turnip.

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    Those are precious Sue. What a treat to find that roll and get these pictures.

    I like to think things happen for a reason, in that thinking I think those are like a gift to you. Maybe it's because you have been so generous and you are sharing things that are so special with others to tell Michelle's story, to help other people. You so deserve to have found those! (or for them to have found YOU!)

    Hugs to you Sue!


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    Re: Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=miss*chelle*chelle link=topic=1474.msg440754#msg440754 date=1183293670]
    Thank you Lonerwise, for making known the impact this has had on you, and I know others, as well.  I know that Michelle'e heart's desire was always to help other people, and in this unexpected way, she is helping others.  I'm so thankful that you have been so helped by all of this, and saddened for the loss of the person that you'd know for so long.  May he RIP. 

    As you said, not to stray away from Michelle, but the cause of her death being suicide, I feel compelled to share these things today, about the ending of Michelle's life, not for any reason but that hoping others will be impacted by it.  I actually highly value my privacy, and the privacy of my family, so ordinarily I would never share anything so private as this ... but I feel this does need to be told, for the help it could bring to others ... (My children know most of these things by now.) Just about 3 weeks ago, I came across a clipping that I had saved for a few years, just because it hurt me for them so much.  It was about a couple who had white-collar jobs, in their early 20s, living the 'good life', but then got into coke.  Lost everything, homeless, begging for food...  They ended up both hanging themselves off a walkway that connected big building over top of a busy street (in Seattle), and due to red tape, etc., it took over a day for them to cut them down, as traffic went by below them.  Another man hung himself off his balcony @ college, and it was not until people came back to classes on Monday that he was found.  I shared those instances to say this: They asked who had cut Michelle down (she was 5'9", I'm not quite 5'2"), and I said that I did, because I thought I was going to be in time to save her. (First I pushed the chair over behind her to break her fall.) The last thing on my mind was police protocol.  A pastor friend of mine said that if I hadn't done that, she would have hung there until they took her down ... It was 4 hours before they took her out of the house that day, as Jess and I sat outside in the detective's car.  We watched in helpless horror & shock from his car as they took our beloved Miss*chelle*chelle away in a black body bag.

    I kissed her good-bye that morning, and told her that I loved her, and that I'd be back around 1:30 to take her to work.  Those were the last words I ever was able to speak to her ... I was fortunate in the sense that by the time I found Michelle, her weight had pulled her down until her feet rested on the floor, so that actually she was standing, and I didn't have to see her suspended in mid-air.  Taking in the sight as I first opened my front door, seeing the sheet that attached her to the beam, I thought at first that she was playing a twisted joke on me.  Your mind wants to reject the truth of reality.  As I realized that this was not a joke at all, I began screaming her name at the top of my voice ... as if I just screamed it loudly enough, she would open her eyes and answer me.  I was fortunate in the sense that her eyes were thankfully closed.  I was thankful in the sense that she chose to do this at home, and not in a place where perhaps she'd never be found.  I held her in my arms for the last time as I guided her into that chair, basically just breaking her fall into it.  I fell to the floor, in shock, and reached out to feel for her pulse ... there was no pulse, and her skin was already cold.  As I looked up into her beautiful face, I realized that her lips were already blue.  As I called 911, I was screaming into the phone, and the woman couldn't handle it, so she put me with someone who talked to me gently as I crawled out the front door, and waited on my porch for them.  By the time I made it out there, the emergency crew & police were already there.  And I am especially thankful that I didn't think about police protocol (I know they have their reasons, and they are legitimate), because I would've hated to sit out there for 4 hours, knowing that she still was in the condition I found her in.  It was bad enough when I still saw her sitting in the chair as I came back up the hallway from putting the dogs away, with the sheet standing straight up about a foot in the air from the stress of having been pulled so tightly for so long.  My beautiful, fun-loving, loved-her-family-intenesly Michelle...  I crumpled to the floor at that, and couldn't move.  After a few minutes, I knew I couldn't stay there, and somehow made it out the front door.

    I shared all that not for sympathy, but for no other reason than that we rarely hear of the other side of the suicide.  We read a few details, if any, in the newspaper.  But we rarely hear of the aftermath.  I can't speak for others, but in posting some of these things, and other things along the way, I'm believing that it can be pieced together for those who may perhaps have never thought it out fully, if at all.  My heart's desire is the same as Michelle's was ... that others will be helped, and many more others will stop to think of the value of the lives of people you don't know, what they meant to the ones who loved them.  RIP, Miss*Chelle

    [/quote]

    This was so beautifully written. Thank you!
    I know how hard this must have been to have to put it down in writing.  You are 100% right about the aftermath. So many people are so afraid to speak openly about what we go through afterwards.  Society tells us to basically sweep our feelings and questions under the rug and move on.  This is so not right, so I thank you again for sharing something that is so private with us.

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    Re: Michelle Crawford - Suicide #63

    [quote author=death roe link=topic=1474.msg447563#msg447563 date=1183681456]
    Those are precious Sue. What a treat to find that roll and get these pictures.

    I like to think things happen for a reason, in that thinking I think those are like a gift to you. Maybe it's because you have been so generous and you are sharing things that are so special with others to tell Michelle's story, to help other people. You so deserve to have found those! (or for them to have found YOU!)

    Hugs to you Sue!
    [/quote]

    Thank you, death roe.    That's kind of the same way I feel, that they were indeed a gift to me.  Hugs to you, as well!   

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