My brother died...

[DevilzAdvocate]

My brother died last week. He didn't have any online presence so nothing to report... My father decided to have the body donated to science because no one cared enough for a funeral and no obituary has been posted. I'm oddly unphased by his death. He lived nearby but I didn't have any relationship with him other than a biological connection. He was an asshole to me my entire life - pretty much an asshole to everyone. Endlessly drank and spewed bullshit and lies.

Am I a jerk for not caring? Seriously, I was more upset when Don Knotts died, and I never met the guy.

[Angiebla]

Im sorry for your loss. It kind of sounds like you feel guilty that you arent more upset about his death. If you werent close and he was a jerk then you shouldnt feel bad. But noone can tell you how to feel.

Do you not have any fond childhood memories of him?

[DevilzAdvocate]

Do you not have any fond childhood memories of him?

I don't have any fond memories of him. And I do feel a little guilty / odd for not caring. Maybe I will one day? I'm not in shock that he's gone - maybe kind of sad but not really that sad. It's weird that I won't ever see him again or hear his voice but it's only "weird." I've honestly been expecting it for years and played it out many times in my head.

He was always abusive to me and in my "passive aggressive youth" I sometimes ran his toothbrush around the rim of my asshole. I imagined having the opportunity to whisper in his ear as he laid on his deathbed, "Sorry I cleaned my asshole with your toothbrush." I guess I'm sad I won't have that opportunity (?). Life's weird...

[Angiebla]

I don't have any fond memories of him. And I do feel a little guilty / odd for not caring. Maybe I will one day? I'm not in shock that he's gone - maybe kind of sad but not really that sad. It's weird that I won't ever see him again or hear his voice but it's only "weird." I've honestly been expecting it for years and played it out many times in my head.

He was always abusive to me and in my "passive aggressive youth" I sometimes ran his toothbrush around the rim of my asshole. I imagined having the opportunity to whisper in his ear as he laid on his deathbed, "Sorry I cleaned my asshole with your toothbrush." I guess I'm sad I won't have that opportunity (?). Life's weird...

Everyone grieves differently. You may not grieve at all. That doesnt make you heartless.

the toothbrush

[raisedbywolves]

DZ, I'm probably the one who is most going to understand what you are going through because almost all of the usual posters are mostly tight with their family, except one and I will let her speak for herself (BB). You are not in preemie, so you haven't seen my posts over the last few years about my family. Long story short, I have been estranged from all of them for over 10 years. In the last few years my dad, brother, and mother have passed away.

I wasn't sure what to expect on how I would feel when they passed, but I never felt a loss and never grieved. My mother dying did bring up a lot of anger, and a year later I am still dealing with the unexpected emotional fallout from that. My dad really made me feel nothing and to be honest, I was relieved to hear that my brother died because he was a piece of shit.

Death causes odd emotions, even if you don't care for the person or have already grieved their passing due to a failed relationship. Feel the way you want to feel, and don't let anyone make you feel that you should have to feel or act a certain way. You just have to be okay with how you feel, it's no one else's business. If you want to talk I'm around.

[of_corpse_not]

My bio dad passed away a few months ago. I?m adopted. It made me feel some type of way but I didn?t cry or feel that upset. Not all deaths will affect us greatly and it?s nothing to feel guilty about.

[Boston Babe 73]

DZ, I'm mostly sorry for the awkward feelings you're having. As RBW mentioned, I have an estranged relationship with my Father and I've often thought about how I would feel when he dies. It's horrible to think, but I'm kind of sure I'll feel relief. I won't know until I get there, but he's always been an asshole to me, my Brother and mostly my Mom. For that I just don't want to acknowledge him.

Don't feel guilty for not having sad emotions about his passing. You're just being honest with yourself on what you thought of him as a person. Most people will pretend that when someone dies they deserve respect, but I don't believe that is the case. If someone was a dick, they don't deserve respect. Just because they died? Everyone does that. It doesn't make them special or absolve them of the horrible things they've done. Grieve the way you have to with no apologies and if you ever need to talk or vent about it, we're here for you

[DevilzAdvocate]

Thanks! I had an ex-sister-in-law pass away a couple years ago and I didn't care then either. She was a total PITA and "accidentally" overdosed on prescription meds. She was also someone who went unloved because she was such a PITA while she was around. Great stories about her antics but her death was a relief for everyone who had to deal with her while she was here.

On a different note, and an "online dating nightmare update," I met an incredibly beautiful trainwreck of a woman whom I've been enjoying getting to know. An unexpected encounter on a beach on a cold morning when no one had any business being on a cold beach in the morning. We chatted for what seemed like an eternity, and I think I instantly fell in love - those bedroom eyes... She's fragile and scarred and so am I; maybe we could help heal each other? Fingers crossed for a future "friend?" Hope so! Hope I don't fuck it up...

[raisedbywolves]

Thanks! I had an ex-sister-in-law pass away a couple years ago and I didn't care then either. She was a total PITA and "accidentally" overdosed on prescription meds. She was also someone who went unloved because she was such a PITA while she was around. Great stories about her antics but her death was a relief for everyone who had to deal with her while she was here.

On a different note, and an "online dating nightmare update," I met an incredibly beautiful trainwreck of a woman whom I've been enjoying getting to know. An unexpected encounter on a beach on a cold morning when no one had any business being on a cold beach in the morning. We chatted for what seemed like an eternity, and I think I instantly fell in love - those bedroom eyes... She's fragile and scarred and so am I; maybe we could help heal each other? Fingers crossed for a future "friend?" Hope so! Hope I don't fuck it up...

I hope this is meant to be! Take it slow and get to know each other and maybe it will be both of your happily ever after! (or at least a great time together)

[Boston Babe 73]

Thanks! I had an ex-sister-in-law pass away a couple years ago and I didn't care then either. She was a total PITA and "accidentally" overdosed on prescription meds. She was also someone who went unloved because she was such a PITA while she was around. Great stories about her antics but her death was a relief for everyone who had to deal with her while she was here.

On a different note, and an "online dating nightmare update," I met an incredibly beautiful trainwreck of a woman whom I've been enjoying getting to know. An unexpected encounter on a beach on a cold morning when no one had any business being on a cold beach in the morning. We chatted for what seemed like an eternity, and I think I instantly fell in love - those bedroom eyes... She's fragile and scarred and so am I; maybe we could help heal each other? Fingers crossed for a future "friend?" Hope so! Hope I don't fuck it up...

That's great news! I think that the fact that it was a natural meeting helps. Not that online dating doesn't work, I've seen people be successful that way too, but I find that meeting someone organically just works out better. Good luck!