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Thread: Dumb things that annoy you.

  1. #35876
    Senior Member Words Words's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post

    My husband wants a professional picture of our family for Christmas. My son wont wear pants (only shorts) and I hate every picture of myself. I always feel like I look like a huge fatass, mostly my face. I also dont have any "nice" clothes to wear. I have enough going on I dont need this shit. This pic is going to look stupid with us in sweaters and long pants and Austin in shorts and a short sleeved shirt.
    As much as you're against this, do it! When you're older you'll be glad that you did. especially letting him wear the shorts. My kids are preteen age and we get to show them all their pictures and tell them stories about them as kids and they love it and we enjoy remembering those days. We spend a lot of time laughing about things they used to throw fits about.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jolly Roger View Post
    Because they are probably not ghetto and hood like me.

  2. #35877
    Scoopski Potatoes Nic B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    I dont have a MIL and Im not sad about

    My husband wants a professional picture of our family for Christmas. My son wont wear pants (only shorts) and I hate every picture of myself. I always feel like I look like a huge fatass, mostly my face. I also dont have any "nice" clothes to wear. I have enough going on I dont need this shit. This pic is going to look stupid with us in sweaters and long pants and Austin in shorts and a short sleeved shirt.

    Plus I still have to get everyone gifts, and decorate the house. My husband has to do the floor first though. I def need to put up a tree even though jasmine will knock it down 500x a day (my SIL commented how terrible it is to not have a tree up since i have a kid-though at the time I had double pnemonia and didnt feel like puting it up plus my kid was a damn baby). They are coming over christmas eve so I have a lot of cleaning to do before then.

    Ugh Im just plain stressed.
    Yeah I wouldn't want to take a picture unless I could find someone to do some major photoshop haha.


    Quote Originally Posted by marakisses View Post
    yes i said i will leave it under you storage he said cuddle with me i said shut up it over??? what am i doing wrong??
    Quote Originally Posted by curiouscat View Post
    Happy Birthday! I hid a dead body in your backyard to celebrate. Good luck finding it under the cement. You can only use a stick to look for it.

  3. #35878
    Moderator puzzld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words Words View Post
    As much as you're against this, do it! When you're older you'll be glad that you did. especially letting him wear the shorts. My kids are preteen age and we get to show them all their pictures and tell them stories about them as kids and they love it and we enjoy remembering those days. We spend a lot of time laughing about things they used to throw fits about.
    Yeah. Have some fun with it. Take some props. A Santa hat. Reindeer antlers. A Grinch mask. Pretend to be British... little boys in shorts is so Prince George! See if the photographer can do a beach setup for Austin while you and hubs sip coco by a fire place.
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    lol at Nestle being some vicious smiter, she's the nicest person on this site besides probably puzzld. Or at least the last person to resort to smiting.
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    Why on earth would I smite you when I can ban you?

  4. #35879
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    Quote Originally Posted by puzzld View Post
    Yeah. Have some fun with it. Take some props. A Santa hat. Reindeer antlers. A Grinch mask. Pretend to be British... little boys in shorts is so Prince George! See if the photographer can do a beach setup for Austin while you and hubs sip coco by a fire place.
    I love it!

  5. #35880
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by puzzld View Post
    Yeah. They had one on sale, and dog only knows CC needs to do something about her hair...
    OMG...

    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    My husband wants a professional picture of our family for Christmas. My son wont wear pants (only shorts) and I hate every picture of myself. I always feel like I look like a huge fatass, mostly my face. I also dont have any "nice" clothes to wear. I have enough going on I dont need this shit. This pic is going to look stupid with us in sweaters and long pants and Austin in shorts and a short sleeved shirt.

    Plus I still have to get everyone gifts, and decorate the house. My husband has to do the floor first though. I def need to put up a tree even though jasmine will knock it down 500x a day (my SIL commented how terrible it is to not have a tree up since i have a kid-though at the time I had double pnemonia and didnt feel like puting it up plus my kid was a damn baby). They are coming over christmas eve so I have a lot of cleaning to do before then.

    Ugh Im just plain stressed.
    I'm almost hyperventilating just reading about it! Take a deeeeeeep breath. Then, tackle that to do list one thing at a time, prioritizing the gift shopping first - it's time sensitive and it will take the longest to do. Go online with a list and don't agonize - show no mercy, take no prisoners. You can do this, Ang! Don't over-decorate, do what you can. Put the tree up, the rest of the decorating can go on the "if I have time" list.

    Quote Originally Posted by puzzld View Post
    Yeah. Have some fun with it. Take some props. A Santa hat. Reindeer antlers. A Grinch mask. Pretend to be British... little boys in shorts is so Prince George! See if the photographer can do a beach setup for Austin while you and hubs sip coco by a fire place.
    This is perfect. Also, as far as hating every picture of yourself...... THIS:

    Quote Originally Posted by Words Words View Post
    As much as you're against this, do it! When you're older you'll be glad that you did. especially letting him wear the shorts. My kids are preteen age and we get to show them all their pictures and tell them stories about them as kids and they love it and we enjoy remembering those days. We spend a lot of time laughing about things they used to throw fits about.
    I promise you will look back on this picture with smiles, fond memories, and some good natured ribbing ("Mom, why did you let me wear shorts when you guys were in pants and sweaters?!?!").
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

  6. #35881
    Cousin Greg Angiebla's Avatar
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    You are right KimT, I just need to do 1 thing at a time. I tend to get overwhelmed and freak out easily

    "The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man" -Charles Darwin

    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Chelsea, if you are a ghost and reading mds, I command you to walk into the light.

  7. #35882
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    You are right KimT, I just need to do 1 thing at a time. I tend to get overwhelmed and freak out easily
    Or just skip all the nonsense this year and just have a small Christmas with just you and your husband and kid...and don't put all the demands on yourself.

  8. #35883
    Cousin Greg Angiebla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisedbywolves View Post
    Or just skip all the nonsense this year and just have a small Christmas with just you and your husband and kid...and don't put all the demands on yourself.
    I wish I could do that

    "The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man" -Charles Darwin

    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Chelsea, if you are a ghost and reading mds, I command you to walk into the light.

  9. #35884
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisedbywolves View Post
    Or just skip all the nonsense this year and just have a small Christmas with just you and your husband and kid...and don't put all the demands on yourself.
    OMG, THIS!

    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    I wish I could do that
    I totally get it. My Italian family and their Christmas traditions caused a lot of stress when I was a young mother. I always wanted to take RBW's suggestion and just "skip all the nonsense" but family dynamics wouldn't allow that - it would cause just as much stress (if not more) to opt out of the festivities. Ugh, I just wanted to run away. Then I got stationed in Europe and was forced to skip the nonsense because we were 3,600 miles from home and still living in a hotel. It was a quiet little Christmas with my daughter, and the guests and staff at the Belson Hotel in Brussels. We had fireside dinner at a little Italian restaurant across the street, and returned to the hotel bar where we sipped wine and chatted around the Christmas tree with a group of total strangers... and it was the most wonderful, relaxing, memorable Christmas I'd ever had! Truth. I hate to sound corny, but it was one of those "true meaning of Christmas" moments. There were a only handful of guests in the hotel, the rare bunch who - for varying reasons - didn't rush home to loved ones for the biggest holiday on the Christian calendar. We were an odd bunch - no family dinners, no gifts, no decorations. Instead, fueled by Christmas cheer, we sat around the tree and told stories - fascinating tales, all. It was oddly therapeutic. We were strangers on Christmas Eve, but felt like family by Christmas Night. Good times.

    One day, Ang, you will get to legit escape from Christmas, but right now you have a little guy and family obligations. So keep it as simple as possible, make a list to keep yourself focused, and just plug away on it, one thing at a time. Get the MUST DO's out of the way, do as many of the WANNA DO's as you can without losing your mind, and just let the rest go. Like that horrific Frozen song.... let it go.
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

  10. #35885
    Cousin Greg Angiebla's Avatar
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    Thank you for the great advice KimT-as always. You get it. My family is Italian too!

    RBW: I wish I could. This time of year I feel like a doormat pushed into 15 different directions.

    ETA: It doesn't help we are redoing our house right now.
    Last edited by Angiebla; 12-11-2020 at 07:48 AM.

    "The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man" -Charles Darwin

    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Chelsea, if you are a ghost and reading mds, I command you to walk into the light.

  11. #35886
    Moderator puzzld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    Thank you for the great advice KimT-as always. You get it. My family is Italian too!

    RBW: I wish I could. This time of year I feel like a doormat pushed into 15 different directions.

    ETA: It doesn't help we are redoing our house right now.
    This would be THE year when you have the perfect excuse to opt out. Got a call from a (friend, the doctors office, whoever) seems we've been exposed, so we'll be quarantining...
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    lol at Nestle being some vicious smiter, she's the nicest person on this site besides probably puzzld. Or at least the last person to resort to smiting.
    Quote Originally Posted by nestlequikie View Post
    Why on earth would I smite you when I can ban you?

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    Cousin Greg Angiebla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by puzzld View Post
    This would be THE year when you have the perfect excuse to opt out. Got a call from a (friend, the doctors office, whoever) seems we've been exposed, so we'll be quarantining...
    That would be amazing but my family would still expect me to come over. No joke.

    "The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man" -Charles Darwin

    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Chelsea, if you are a ghost and reading mds, I command you to walk into the light.

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    Sana sana colita de rana beli's Avatar
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    When I go to a group page on facebook, and a poster types "hey momma's" or "Hey lady's" instead of "hey mommas" or "hey ladies". I also hate when people use "they" instead of "their" as in "they was with they kids" instead of "they were with their kids"
    Quote Originally Posted by Gawna View Post
    Roses are red, violets are blue, seriously where is the fucking ring I gave Julie and ask her mom about the flowers
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    In all fairness, we have no idea how big this dude's cock was.

  14. #35889
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    Thank you for the great advice KimT-as always. You get it. My family is Italian too!
    Oh, I definitely get it. Italian families are tough.... and the guilt lives on for decades.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    RBW: I wish I could. This time of year I feel like a doormat pushed into 15 different directions.
    Sadly, that's because we ARE doormats this time of year. For reasons I can't explain, we suspend all sense of logic and agree to the impossible; and then we stress out and melt down when we can't deliver what we already knew we couldn't do anyway! TOTALLY self-imposed. Christmas is the only time of year I suffer from that level of stupidity. I never broke down sobbing over Easter or Halloween. Ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    ETA: It doesn't help we are redoing our house right now.
    OMG Ang, you have The Perfect Excuse! "Sorry the place is a mess, we're remodeling." Scratch the Christmas housecleaning off your list, Girl!
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

  15. #35890
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    An Italian Mom's Christmas Prep

    Quote Originally Posted by KimTisha View Post
    For reasons I can't explain, we suspend all sense of logic and agree to the impossible; and then we stress out and melt down when we can't deliver what we already knew we couldn't do anyway! TOTALLY self-imposed. Christmas is the only time of year I suffer from that level of stupidity. I never broke down sobbing over Easter or Halloween. Ever.
    I just had an "Aha!" moment and I can explain it! Just got off FaceTime with my 90yo mother. Here is what I'm up against - On Sunday, she started her Christmas prep, texting photographs of her progress along the way (Mom is pretty tech savvy for an old gal). This is what she has accomplished in six days:

    - baked 7 loaves of zucchini bread; 2 loaves of prune bread; and 3 nut rolls (nuts, lekvar, and apricot)
    - canned 8 jars of sundae walnuts and 10 jars of pickled peppers
    - baked 44 DOZEN cookies! That's right - 530 cookies (peanut butter, chocolate chip, anisette, shortbread, kiefli, and those great Italian cookies that nobody remembers the name of); and
    - As we speak, she is whipping up 6 batches of fudge (vanilla, chocolate, and peanut butter).

    In her spare time she:
    - Decorated a 7 ft tree with (literally) hundreds of ornaments (her tree always looks like a picture from a magazine);
    - Decorated every room of her house (Christmas salt & pepper shakers anyone? How about a Mrs. Claus toilet paper cozee?);
    - Put wreaths and candles in every window;
    - Embroidered 24 Christmas ornaments; and crocheted 24 holiday themed hand towels.*

    Six days. It took me two days to decorate my 3 ft tree and I have less than 3 dozen ornaments. I've done zero shopping or baking.


    *In all fairness, she started the embroidering and crocheting last week. I mean, it's not like she's Superwoman or anything.
    Last edited by KimTisha; 12-11-2020 at 09:54 AM.
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

  16. #35891
    Scoopski Potatoes Nic B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimTisha View Post
    I just had an "Aha!" moment and I can explain it! Just got off FaceTime with my 90yo mother. Here is what I'm up against - On Sunday, she started her Christmas prep, texting photographs of her progress along the way (Mom is pretty tech savvy for an old gal). This is what she has accomplished in six days:

    - baked 7 loaves of zucchini bread; 2 loaves of prune bread; and 3 nut rolls (nuts, lekvar, and apricot)
    - canned 8 jars of sundae walnuts and 10 jars of pickled peppers
    - baked 44 DOZEN cookies! That's right - 530 cookies (peanut butter, chocolate chip, anisette, shortbread, kiefli, and those great Italian cookies that nobody remembers the name of); and
    - As we speak, she is whipping up 6 batches of fudge (vanilla, chocolate, and peanut butter).

    In her spare time she:
    - Decorated a 7 ft tree with (literally) hundreds of ornaments (her tree always looks like a picture from a magazine);
    - Decorated every room of her house (Christmas salt & pepper shakers anyone? How about a Mrs. Claus toilet paper cozee?);
    - Put wreaths and candles in every window;
    - Embroidered 24 Christmas ornaments; and crocheted 24 holiday themed hand towels.*

    Six days. It took me two days to decorate my 3 ft tree and I have less than 3 dozen ornaments. I've done zero shopping or baking.


    *In all fairness, she started the embroidering and crocheting last week. I mean, it's not like she's Superwoman or anything.
    I feel like a lazy sack of shit. I haven't done any of this, and I am 37...lol.

    To be fair, I AM running the company while my dad is out of town so I am pretty busy.





    That's a lie, I wouldn't do it even if I weren't busy.


    Quote Originally Posted by marakisses View Post
    yes i said i will leave it under you storage he said cuddle with me i said shut up it over??? what am i doing wrong??
    Quote Originally Posted by curiouscat View Post
    Happy Birthday! I hid a dead body in your backyard to celebrate. Good luck finding it under the cement. You can only use a stick to look for it.

  17. #35892
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimTisha View Post
    I just had an "Aha!" moment and I can explain it! Just got off FaceTime with my 90yo mother. Here is what I'm up against - On Sunday, she started her Christmas prep, texting photographs of her progress along the way (Mom is pretty tech savvy for an old gal). This is what she has accomplished in six days:

    - baked 7 loaves of zucchini bread; 2 loaves of prune bread; and 3 nut rolls (nuts, lekvar, and apricot)
    - canned 8 jars of sundae walnuts and 10 jars of pickled peppers
    - baked 44 DOZEN cookies! That's right - 530 cookies (peanut butter, chocolate chip, anisette, shortbread, kiefli, and those great Italian cookies that nobody remembers the name of); and
    - As we speak, she is whipping up 6 batches of fudge (vanilla, chocolate, and peanut butter).

    In her spare time she:
    - Decorated a 7 ft tree with (literally) hundreds of ornaments (her tree always looks like a picture from a magazine);
    - Decorated every room of her house (Christmas salt & pepper shakers anyone? How about a Mrs. Claus toilet paper cozee?);
    - Put wreaths and candles in every window;
    - Embroidered 24 Christmas ornaments; and crocheted 24 holiday themed hand towels.*

    Six days. It took me two days to decorate my 3 ft tree and I have less than 3 dozen ornaments. I've done zero shopping or baking.


    *In all fairness, she started the embroidering and crocheting last week. I mean, it's not like she's Superwoman or anything.
    Tell your Mom you know this poor lady who is bah humbug and needs some Christmas spirit, and you're sure that some fudge (of all kinds) and cookies (chocolate chip and peanut butter especially) would help combat her Grinchy attitude.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nic B View Post
    I feel like a lazy sack of shit. I haven't done any of this, and I am 37...lol.

    To be fair, I AM running the company while my dad is out of town so I am pretty busy.





    That's a lie, I wouldn't do it even if I weren't busy.

  18. #35893
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisedbywolves View Post
    Tell your Mom you know this poor lady who is bah humbug and needs some Christmas spirit, and you're sure that some fudge (of all kinds) and cookies (chocolate chip and peanut butter especially) would help combat her Grinchy attitude.
    Twins! I am really the worlds biggest Bah Humbug. I suffer from major Christmas anxiety and can count on one hand the number of times I've had a Christmas tree in the past 20 years (only if the grandbabies were going to be there). Avoiding the source of my anxiety really seemed to work. Last year, I bought a pathetic little 3 ft prelit tree at Big Lots because we were stuck in Florida over Christmas and my 92yo Jewish neighbor talked me into it. She never had a Christmas tree and really wanted to be around one. We didn't expect to be stuck here again this year, but here we are. I put it up on the sun porch. I feel like I'm slowly being sucked back in to Christmas Chaos. Next thing you know, I'll be baking. I must resist.
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

  19. #35894
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimTisha View Post
    Twins! I am really the worlds biggest Bah Humbug. I suffer from major Christmas anxiety and can count on one hand the number of times I've had a Christmas tree in the past 20 years (only if the grandbabies were going to be there). Avoiding the source of my anxiety really seemed to work. Last year, I bought a pathetic little 3 ft prelit tree at Big Lots because we were stuck in Florida over Christmas and my 92yo Jewish neighbor talked me into it. She never had a Christmas tree and really wanted to be around one. We didn't expect to be stuck here again this year, but here we are. I put it up on the sun porch. I feel like I'm slowly being sucked back in to Christmas Chaos. Next thing you know, I'll be baking. I must resist.
    I haven't had any kind of Christmas tree in like 25 years. I do bake...a lot...but it has nothing to do with Christmas, lol. I just like to bake (and eat ).

  20. #35895
    Cousin Greg Angiebla's Avatar
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    I have Christmas anxiety too.

    I never cook or bake anything. I've tried and I suck

    I don't want to mess with the damn tree this year...I'm feeling grinchy too.

    "The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man" -Charles Darwin

    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Chelsea, if you are a ghost and reading mds, I command you to walk into the light.

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    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisedbywolves View Post
    I haven't had any kind of Christmas tree in like 25 years. I do bake...a lot...but it has nothing to do with Christmas, lol. I just like to bake (and eat ).
    My attempts at baking are worse than my attempts at cooking.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    I have Christmas anxiety too.

    I never cook or bake anything. I've tried and I suck

    I don't want to mess with the damn tree this year...I'm feeling grinchy too.
    Ang, you may be the only other Italian woman I know who doesn't cook/bake - I feel so validated! My poor father agonized for years about my ability to find a man because I didn't have Mom's mad cooking skills. After all, who would marry a woman who can't make 'homemades?'

    Speaking of soul-sucking Italian Christmas traditions for people who don't cook - the Feast of the Seven Fishes. Please tell me you aren't even going to attempt that this year. I haven't done one in YEARS and I haven't died yet.
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

  22. #35897
    Cousin Greg Angiebla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimTisha View Post
    My attempts at baking are worse than my attempts at cooking.



    Ang, you may be the only other Italian woman I know who doesn't cook/bake - I feel so validated! My poor father agonized for years about my ability to find a man because I didn't have Mom's mad cooking skills. After all, who would marry a woman who can't make 'homemades?'

    Speaking of soul-sucking Italian Christmas traditions for people who don't cook - the Feast of the Seven Fishes. Please tell me you aren't even going to attempt that this year. I haven't done one in YEARS and I haven't died yet.
    I've never heard of the Feast of the Seven Fishes.

    "The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man" -Charles Darwin

    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Chelsea, if you are a ghost and reading mds, I command you to walk into the light.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    I've never heard of the Feast of the Seven Fishes.
    me either, but I'm not Italian (I googled it, so NOW I do know what it is, but was clueless before)

  24. #35899
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    I've never heard of the Feast of the Seven Fishes.
    OMG, consider yourself lucky!

    Quote Originally Posted by raisedbywolves View Post
    me either, but I'm not Italian (I googled it, so NOW I do know what it is, but was clueless before)
    Yeah, it's a huge feckin' feast leading up to the birth of Baby Jesus at midnight, it's officially called La Vigilia (The Vigil). It's a late meal (we used to start around 8:30pm), but by midnight, the women are in the kitchen cleaning up and the men are smoking and joking in the den (like every other holiday, eh?). Mom gets to drop into bed (exhausted after a full day of meal prep and cooking) just in time for the kiddies to awake at oh-dark-thirty to see what Santa brought.

    Apparently, the menu is regional. Our family immigrated from the coast, so we had seven fishes. Every Italian family I knew growing up had fish (immigrants tend to settle in clusters), but I've since met other families from the mountains or the interior who conducted La Vigilia with lasagna or another regional dish. I love seafood, but a seven course fish meal is a bit over the top even for me, especially if I have to have anything to do with the preparation of said feast. Not gonna lie, more than once, I've relied on cioppino to cover 3 or 4 of the "fishes."

    https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/16...food-cioppino/
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

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    Scoopski Potatoes Nic B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiebla View Post
    I have Christmas anxiety too.

    I never cook or bake anything. I've tried and I suck

    I don't want to mess with the damn tree this year...I'm feeling grinchy too.
    Are we the same person? lol. I hate cooking/baking and I suck at it. I was basically forced to cook for Thanksgiving (since my son and his wife wanted to come over). I made mashed potatoes, stuffing, and velveeta mac and cheese. All instant (just add water shit) yet I managed to fuck it up and everything turned out nasty


    Quote Originally Posted by marakisses View Post
    yes i said i will leave it under you storage he said cuddle with me i said shut up it over??? what am i doing wrong??
    Quote Originally Posted by curiouscat View Post
    Happy Birthday! I hid a dead body in your backyard to celebrate. Good luck finding it under the cement. You can only use a stick to look for it.

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