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Thread: Innes McKendrick Has Started A Peition Demanding The Rancid Skeleton Juice From A Newly Opened 4000 Year Old Sarcophagus Be Made Into A Carbonated Energy Drink

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    Senior Member blighted star's Avatar
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    Innes McKendrick Has Started A Peition Demanding The Rancid Skeleton Juice From A Newly Opened 4000 Year Old Sarcophagus Be Made Into A Carbonated Energy Drink

    This is fucking brilliant



    https://metro.co.uk/2018/07/20/peopl...hagus-7740238/


    People want to drink the red liquid from newly-opened 4,000-year-old sarcophagus

    Metro ReporterFriday 20 Jul 2018 12:56 pm


    When a massive ancient black granite sarcophagus was unearthed by archaeologists in Egypt three weeks ago, fear circulated that it could contain a horrifying curse. Many said we should just leave it where we found it, untouched and never to unleash its terrifying torment. But did we listen? No.



    The skeletons of family mummies are seen at the site of the newly discovered giant black sarcophagus (Picture: Reuters)


    The warning fell on deaf ears, and experts prised open the 2,000-year-old eldritch box to reveal its full horror. Inside lay three skeletons and a red-brown sewage water, which, apparently, gave off an unbearable stench.


    But not content to leave it at that one guy now actually wants to drink the skeleton juice. Innes McKendrick, a video games producer from Guildford, Surrey, has launched a petition to let us slurp up the decomposed contents.


    Innes McKendrick wants to drink the skeleton juice (Picture: Change.org)


    Addressed to the 'King of Skeletons, Egypt" (who we're guessing are our new overlords) he wrote: "We need to drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die."


    He's not alone in his thinking, with 87 people having signed up in support since it was launched eight hours ago.



    The 2,000-year-old sarcophagus was discovered three weeks ago (Picture: Reuters)


    Innes posted the petition to his 21,000 Twitter followers earlier today and it has so far received more than 2,000 re-tweets and 6,000 likes. One user asked the question that was on all of our lips, why? Yes, Innes. Why? His answer:

    "Don't want it to go to waste." Speaking to the Metro he explained: "The discovery of the black sarcophagus in Alexandria sparked interest the world over, and amongst friends was immediately picked up as a symbol of hope. People were given an opportunity they're often denied in recent times - to picture a brighter, more optimistic future in which the earth is blighted, torn apart and consumed piece by piece at the hands of furious immortal Egyptian gods. The potential to unleash this curse upon ourselves by opening the sarcophagus offered a degree of control over our lives which, in the current political and financial climate, we're so often denied. Many felt let down when the dark and extremely cursed sarcophagus was pried open to reveal only skeletons drenched in raw sewage, which is weird because skeletons are inherently pretty awesome. However, I stand true to the hope we were promised, and deeply believe that by consuming the skeleton juice in the form of a carbonated high caffeine energy drink that we can still have the opportunity to enter an era of unending darkness and despair. I'm so glad to see others backing the petition, and sharing in my mission to rapidly bring about the end of all things."


    Would you drink the skeleton juice? No. I'd rather be cursed Hell yes. We need to bow to our new rulers

    It has over 34,000 signatures now



    Petition here :


    https://www.change.org/p/let-people-...k-sarcophagus/


    Edit : dammit, just noticed the date. I should know better than to trust google's "last 24 hrs" search.


    Oh well. It's still funny
    Last edited by blighted star; 01-08-2019 at 01:25 AM.

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    Senior Member Music's Avatar
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    I mean, whatever makes people happy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jolly Roger View Post
    Why?

    Because I don't like anal penetration sex between men, I don't.

    Just because I don't like anal sex, doesn't make me any less gay or unable to be loved.

    I can't be the only one out here, I'm just not. Don't worry about it. Mind your fucking business.

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    Senior Member SuchAClassicGirl's Avatar
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    So wait...he wants to take that skeletal sludge and SodaStream it into a RedBull?
    Quote Originally Posted by blighted star
    I was about to be annoyed that this thread was still active, but I see now it's morphed into offers of sex for chilli confectionary, so carry on guys :)

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    Senior Member Jumaki15's Avatar
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    The fuck is wrong with people. I guess it is no different than when people used to use ground up mummies and medicine, but I had assumed we'd moved past that shit as a society.

    Thank god fossilized shit from Ramses has never been found. People would be lining up to make it into suppositories or some shit.

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    It was aliens raisedbywolves's Avatar
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    Meh, I don't drink carbonated drinks anymore...I'm waiting for Martha Stewart to come out with a red skeleton juice souffle recipe.

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    Senior Member blighted star's Avatar
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    I was assuming they were thinking along the lines of one of those fermented health tonics

    Kind of a korpse kombucha




    Edit : also, I've been trying to imagine how bad corpse stew gas that's been sealed for 4000 years would smell on release, but I know the full horror is eluding me


    Also, also that death sludge is almost identical in colour & consistency to the incredibly oil-sodden "lasagne" the takeaway near my old work used to make on George St in Sydney.

    I am not missing that place at all.
    Last edited by blighted star; 01-08-2019 at 01:31 AM.

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