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Thread: Jade Richardson (26) died from a drug overdose and she asked to be submitted to MyDeathSpace in the event of her passing

  1. #176
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    Quote Originally Posted by terps1990 View Post
    The cover song is pretty. Thanks, Stephanie for sharing the texts. They were really sweet.
    Thank you. I miss her so much. I'm grateful I actually followed through with submitting her info here; it's been such an unexpected source of comfort.

  2. #177
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephanie_says View Post
    Thank you. I miss her so much. I'm grateful I actually followed through with submitting her info here; it's been such an unexpected source of comfort.
    I'm glad you did, too. I'm happy to see that you've gained some comfort here.
    I'm moving on alone over ground that no one owns past statues that atone for my sins
    There's a guard on every door and a drink on every floor
    Overflowing with a thousand amens - Tom Petty

  3. #178
    I guess both guesses were right, lol. I wondered writing the post if she had painted it herself.

  4. #179
    Senior Member kevansvault's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephanie_says View Post
    Thank you. I miss her so much. I'm grateful I actually followed through with submitting her info here; it's been such an unexpected source of comfort.
    And that is exactly as it should be.
    Don't like what I have to say? I respect that. Now go fuck yourself.

  5. #180
    Senior Member PeaceBeWithMe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephanie_says View Post
    Thank you. I miss her so much. I'm grateful I actually followed through with submitting her info here; it's been such an unexpected source of comfort.
    And we are all so happy that you did! Not only has it been a source of comfort to you, it's been an unbelievably moving experience for those of us here who have been able to come on the journey. Much love from me here for that gift!


    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    did you make her into a wallet Bill? cuz if you did I'm off team Bill.

  6. #181
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    Jade made me talk her to sleep every night from the time she was around 3 or 4 to when she was 7 or 8. Every night was the same subject, and every night she would pretend as if the subject might be something new. She would say, "Let's talk about...." (long pause, as if she were thinking really hard)"... the Ocean!!"

    Every night, I would groan and say, "Jade, can we please talk about ANYTHING else??", because I would have to come up with things to fill close to an hour of monologue, and it was not easy, lol. I would always start with, "Well... the ocean is blue. Sometimes green. Sometimes brown.. There are fish in the ocean. Crabs.." and on and on, every night.

    After she (finally) tired of the ocean, we were eventually able to move on to reading Harry Potter and things, but it became a joke over time, so that even in her 20's, she would randomly call me just to say, "Hey, mom.. I want to talk about... the OCEAN!", lol.

    I would give anything to talk about the ocean with her now, for however long she wanted.

  7. #182
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    Lol, I did my best..



  8. #183
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    This is a portion of the tattoo Jade's brother is getting, partially in honor of her; the lotus flowers are what he chose to represent her. They were here favorite flower, and she had a tattoo of one.




  9. #184
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    A painting that I had an artist friend of mine paint for Jade, as a gift, several years ago.



  10. #185
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    Jade's friend, Jessica, had the presence of mind, while we were all at Jade's house and gathering her things (the day after she died), to take this picture of what Jade had been painting on Luna's wall. She's going to have it framed, etc., so that Luna will still be able to have it on her wall now. 💕


  11. #186
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    This was in the garden at Jade's house, lol. Not sure whether or not I will be putting it in my own yard, but I suppose it could be a good way to deter certain groups of people (not naming any specific groups, lol) from knocking on my door, at least..


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    On Labor Day weekend, I received two important things. The first was from Stephanie & that?s the prayer card from Jade?s funeral. The other is much different & kinda funny. Earlier this year, one of my best friends was on vacation in Tahoe. He asked if I wanted any bets placed. I told him to put $10 on the Texans to win the Super Bowl.

    On Labor Day weekend, I received that receipt. The Texans were 22-1 underdogs to win the Super Bowl. Since Labor Day weekend, the Texans Super Bowl receipt & Jade have been right next to each other on my fridge. I grouped them together in part because it was funny. Jade knew nothing about sports & I try to know damned near everything about sports. But they?ve been together, inseparable throughout this season. Even when they started 0-3, I refused to move them or take the ticket down.

    The Texans clinched a playoff spot on Sunday. I had friends come over who saw the arrangement on my fridge for the first time. I choked up explaining the significance of the setup.

    It?s Christmas night now & I'm sipping on some Jameson, her favorite. The world misses her in ways untold, but I?m doing my best to make sure she?s remembered even to people who didn?t know her at all.


  13. #188
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    Last week, I was going through some boxes, looking for art supplies, and I ended up coming across a box that contained most of the memories from Jade's childhood, her life, all the things that I was saving for her, for someday, you know, when she had gotten past all of the trouble and hardship, and was finally in a place where she might be stable enough for me to give her all of the things that would be too sad to lose.

    I've had a hell of a time looking through that box. Half of me wants to tape it back up and hide it away in a closet or somewhere I won't have to see it (that's the part of me that still pretends, on some level, that maybe she is just away at treatment again, or off on one of her journeys). The other part of me wants to take it all out and immerse myself in every bit of it, spread it out, maybe try and put the puzzle together, find the answers, prove to myself somehow that it was definitely not my fault, that none of my failings as a parent, or a person, brought this on.

    I've done a mixture of the two, I suppose. The box is still sitting in the middle of the bedroom, full of things and places I can visit in my head, if I am simply willing to go there, and I am both drawn to it and terrified of it at the same time. It sits there, halfway closed, and I go and kind of peek into it every so often and decide whether I can handle another memory yet.

    Last night, after a rough day, the very first Christmas of my life that was "celebrated" without Jade (remember, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, so my first Christmas was literally the year after she was born), I peeked into the box, and this card is what I pulled out of it. Of all things. A Christmas Card.

    Jade sent it to me the last time she was in treatment, must have been Christmas of 2014. She wasn't able to talk on the phone all the time, so I guess I had called and left a message for her, and she sent the card afterwards.

    What is the word for something that takes your breath away and makes you want to sob with happiness and love and gratitude, but with loneliness and longing and pain and anger, all at the same time? Is "bittersweet" all we have? It doesn't feel appropriate, like, it's just not enough. This, what I'm describing, literally feels like a tsunami of all existing emotions at once; I'm guessing there probably isn't a word, in any language, strong enough to stand on it's own and carry the weight of all of everything.

    I love you and I miss you, too, Jade. My heart is broken, and nothing will ever be the same without you here.



  14. #189
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    This was another picture in the box. Literally moments after her birth, with my mother and my grandmother looking on.


  15. #190
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    Quote Originally Posted by sowb.5151 View Post
    On Labor Day weekend, I received two important things. The first was from Stephanie & that?s the prayer card from Jade?s funeral. The other is much different & kinda funny. Earlier this year, one of my best friends was on vacation in Tahoe. He asked if I wanted any bets placed. I told him to put $10 on the Texans to win the Super Bowl.

    On Labor Day weekend, I received that receipt. The Texans were 22-1 underdogs to win the Super Bowl. Since Labor Day weekend, the Texans Super Bowl receipt & Jade have been right next to each other on my fridge. I grouped them together in part because it was funny. Jade knew nothing about sports & I try to know damned near everything about sports. But they?ve been together, inseparable throughout this season. Even when they started 0-3, I refused to move them or take the ticket down.

    The Texans clinched a playoff spot on Sunday. I had friends come over who saw the arrangement on my fridge for the first time. I choked up explaining the significance of the setup.

    It?s Christmas night now & I'm sipping on some Jameson, her favorite. The world misses her in ways untold, but I?m doing my best to make sure she?s remembered even to people who didn?t know her at all.

    Of all things that people can do, remembering Jade and talking about her is what means the most to me. Without those things, I'm left in a world where it's almost like she didn't exist, and the thought of that possibility, that she will be forgotten, kills me. Thank you for this. For befriending me, for sharing your memories, for checking on me on the 18th of each month, and everything else. It means so much more than I can tell you.

  16. #191
    Senior Member kevansvault's Avatar
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to sowb.5151 again. Strong work, noob. Your post even got me choked up. That's fucking awesome.

    And Stephanie, I imagine the holidays must be especially hard, but I wanted you to know that you and Jade are thought of often. Like sowb said, they're making sure she's remembered by people like me, who didn't know her at all.

    One of my friends, a longtime coworker, lost a child to drinking a few years back, and she confided that this was her greatest fear also, that he would be forgotten. I can assure you that even though people don't speak it, even those with a casual relationship will remember your daughter just as I remember my coworker's son.

    All the best to the both of you, especially with 2019 just a few days away.
    Don't like what I have to say? I respect that. Now go fuck yourself.

  17. #192
    Jade lives on my fridge, too. I have two, and display each side right next to Alice In Wonderland artwork.

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    With the Texans loss on Saturday, I took down the bet next to Jade. I hated looking at that blank spot next to her. It looked lonely. To me, there was only one thing that I could fill it with.

    Sports are over. Let's watch Rick and Morty. I'd give anything to hear her laugh like hell at it again even if I didn't get it all.


  19. #194
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    This is something I posted on my Facebook account that I feel belongs here, as well. We are coming up on one year next month. I am still broken, still terrified by the thought of living out the rest of my life with this pain, but I am still here, still trying, still determined to get through this, and to make it mean something somehow:

    I know this is super long and a lot of you don't like to read, lol, but I'm posting anyway, with the hope that at least a handful of you might read it all the way through, and maybe one or two will even take something from it.

    As I previously posted, "Black Balloon Day" is intended to bring attention to the shockingly high number of people in this country (and the world, in general) that are dying from addiction, as well as to help fight some of the stigma that is often permanently attached to anyone suffering with it.

    And as most of you know, my daughter, Jade, died as a result of her addiction. Specifically, she died from an accidental overdose of heroin and methamphetamine. As much as I hated and have been devastated by some of the choices that she made while in the throes of active addiction, I will never deny, nor will I ever feel shame, when it comes to that aspect of her life or anything that occurred as a result of that aspect of her life, including her manner of death.

    All of these things were a part of the path that made Jade who she was as a person, and for those of you who didn't know her, or didn't know her well, you honestly have no idea what an amazing person you missed out on. She was so much more than her addiction; she was such a unique person, she could definitely be described as "one of a kind", something to which I'm sure any of her friends would be happy to attest.

    Jade was incredibly intelligent, empathetic, outspoken, and hilarious. Sometimes even when she wasn't trying to be, lol.

    She was one of the most creative people I've ever known. She loved music, poetry, art, books, cartoons, cats, fashion, all things dark and creepy, and, most of all, makeup, lol. I think it's safe to say that one of the things she will often be remembered for was her love of experimentation and making seriously bold statements, through her use of makeup and hair color.

    She was dramatic and adventurous, and she had the most amazing laugh I've ever heard. I miss her laugh so much, it hurts me to hear it now. I'm sure that one day I'll be able to watch videos of her and feel joy over the memories, but I'm not there yet. I guess part of me is still running from it in my mind, pretending it's not real, or not permanent, and videos still serve as a cruel reminder that they are the only means I will ever have of hearing her voice again.

    Addiction is a bitch. It's a terrifying and often deadly disease that can strike ANYONE, given the right circumstances; a disease that robs those afflicted with it of everything they have, everything they are, and that changes them into someone that even they no longer recognize.

    We all make some poor choices in life. Some of us come through our poor choices unscathed, and if you are one of those people, you should feel nothing shy of "blessed".

    Jade wasn't one of those people. Her poor choices as a young teenager led to a severe, almost immediate, battle with addiction, one that would carry on for the next ten years, and in the end, despite her many attempts at treatment and sobriety, addiction won, killing her, and devastating those of us left behind.

    I haven't yet come to the point in all of this of being able to make it mean something, I haven't achieved deep realizations or personal transformation (not in any good ways, at least), and I still struggle with "grief brain", which means that this will be nowhere near as clear or eloquent or powerful or effective as I would like. Still, I feel the need to express what's on my mind, and today, Black Balloon Day, what I really wanted to say is this:

    Please think twice before judging someone suffering from addiction, or writing them off as hopeless. There are a million different ways for addiction to begin (oftentimes it is through the use of legally prescribed medications), and a million different paths a person might travel towards recovery. Some people will "hit bottom" and get better, and for others, there is no bottom but death. None of it is pleasant.

    It is now one of the leading causes of death, though, in this country, and that means that it isn't just Darwinism at work, and it isn't just happening to a certain type of person, with a certain type of background, from a certain economic class, etc., etc. It's happening to all of us, even if it hasn't happened to you yet.

    Change always comes slowly with things like this, but change is only possible after enough people start caring about an issue enough so that change becomes a demand.

    Some of our brightest, most creative people are dying from this disease, and all of their potential is dying with them. That matters. It impacts us whether we are aware of it or not. Their lives matter. The children, the families, the friends, who are all left behind matter. I don't know what the solution is; this is obviously something that will take time and focus and resources in order to see real change, but it is something that NEEDS to happen, sooner rather than later. Conversations need to be had. Judgment needs to be set aside, and understanding left in it's place.

    I'm saying all of this as someone who has already been through the worst of what addiction has to offer, pleading with you, who have not been through it, to please take this issue seriously, and *personally*, BEFORE you end up here, on this side of the fence, saying goodbye to a person who means more than anything to you.

    Feel free to comment with any applicable information, available resources, thoughts, and/or to simply share memories about Jade.

    (And thank you, if you actually read this far.) 💕

  20. #195
    Senior Member kevansvault's Avatar
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    But you have made it mean something. By continuing to focus on this, you have made a difference here. You have told us about the raw pain of loss, we can feel it in your words.

    You have showed us how much you loved your daughter by posting memories of her here on these pages.

    You continue to share thoughts, both to help yourself and to perhaps give some guidance to others who may be following Jade's path.

    You are giving hope, and love. And that, my dear, can be more precious than gold.
    Don't like what I have to say? I respect that. Now go fuck yourself.

  21. #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevansvault View Post
    But you have made it mean something. By continuing to focus on this, you have made a difference here. You have told us about the raw pain of loss, we can feel it in your words.

    You have showed us how much you loved your daughter by posting memories of her here on these pages.

    You continue to share thoughts, both to help yourself and to perhaps give some guidance to others who may be following Jade's path.

    You are giving hope, and love. And that, my dear, can be more precious than gold.
    As always, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind words. I hope this is the case, that just by expressing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and by sharing Jade's life, someone may be impacted. I couldn't save her, and she wasn't able to save herself, but maybe together, we can help someone else be saved.

  22. #197
    Today is the one year anniversary of the first day my best friend was dead. I word it this way, because I tried to celebrate yesterday as the last day she was alive. It felt like a somber countdown, but I focused on the word, ?alive.? Was this moment her last laugh? Was this moment the last time she ate? Hugged someone? Sent an emoji? Recorded a Snapchat? Checked her eyeliner? Then I must admit I wonder the last time she laughed about something we did, saw a photo of us, talked about me. What did she say? What did she remember? Her name is Jade Ariana Richardson, & I love & miss her so much.

    What is so important about this date, anyway? It won?t sting any more or less than yesterday. It won?t hurt more or less tomorrow. Yet, I recognize as humans we like birthdays, anniversaries, & we even remember the days our loved ones leave us.16 years ago, I met her in choir. 15 years ago we became best friends. 10 years ago, she took a pregnancy test at my house and we sat on my bed and talked about the future she hadn?t quite grasped yet. (Did she ever ?grasp? it?) 9 years ago today I was meeting my god daughter for the first time. 2 years ago she messaged me to tell me she missed me and loved me forever, even though she didn?t know me anymore. 1 year ago, she died.

    After I moved to Colorado, I had a very morbid realization I won?t be near my loved ones when they die. I thought it would be freak accidents. car wrecks, gas leak explosions, random shootings, but a drug overdose? I?ve spent the last year feeling angry, guilty, empty, broken. Not a day goes by where I don?t think about her. I cry several times a week for her. I search my brain for memories, I replay her laughter over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. I think things like, ?She would have loved this movie.? ?She would have thought this was funny.? ?She probably loved this song.? I spent a lot of time being furious with her husband, her boyfriend, with those that used with her, those that enabled her, but in the end her choices brought us here and that?s not anything I?m shocked by, but boy do I want to flick her in the forehead.

    It was a privilege to do her hair and makeup for the funeral. She had blue MAC glitter on her eyes, MAC pink lipgloss, false lashes, eyebrows on point, ABH highlight. She had colored her hair baby blue herself and it was splotchy, uneven, & I laughed and shook my head. I styled it for her and hid the parts she missed the best I could. A friend came with me to support me and was ready to back me up in the event I couldn?t handle it. She is a talented makeup artist and hair stylist & she brought along her baby. The funeral director was a cool guy and we talked about tattoos, piercings, what Jade was like. I got some makeup on the inside of casket with the airbrush on accident and my friend and I laughed and hid it with her hair. I like to think that?s one of those things she would have thought was funny. The last time she hung out with anyone in a way was me, and those responsible for preparing her for the last step. There was a little girl, we talked about makeup, glitter, we pushed the casket around the find the best lighting, shared tattoos, told stories, I curled her hair, & life happened around her just like normal.

    I miss her in a way I?ve never missed anyone before. I view life differently. And most importantly, I speak up about addiction and our need to change the dialogue around treatment and recovery. It?s imperative we support legislation to keep our loved ones safe and alive and on the path to getting better. We can?t keep the stigma around addiction and expect people to stop dying. If you or a loved one are suffering from addiction I implore you to get help. Your friends will miss you so, so, much. Even if you?ve relapsed 30 times, you can always start again.

    If you have a moment today, text someone you haven?t talked to in a long time. Just tell them you hope things are well even if you don?t have the time or mood for a full conversation. That?s all it takes. ?Thinking of you.?

    Jade was annoying, really annoying, and really funny. She liked scary movies, and candy. She loved kitties, and fashion, and dancing. She knew all the words to all our favorite songs and had a laugh I will never forget. She was so good at loving someone and she never half-asses anything, ever. She failed or thrived wonderfully in everything she did. She was creative, witty, clever, sarcastic. She was absolutely beautiful, photogenic, and sparkly. If you never knew her, I?m sorry.

    I love you and miss you Jade, thinking of you.

  23. #198
    One time, my lighter wasn?t working. Jade stopped me from trying over and over and told me she knew how to make it work. It was a combination of waiting, counting, shaking it x number of times, and just silly things and said, ?Okay, try it.? I flicked it & it worked. ?How?d you know to do that??

    ?I just made it up.?

  24. #199
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    I was recently interviewed for a podcast called Grieving Overdose Death. We talked about Jade, her life, her struggles with addiction, her death, and how it has been, living with all of the above. If anyone is interested in listening, here is the link.

    http://grievingoverdosedeath.libsyn.com/jade

    20 months into this life sentence. We are all learning to carry on, which hurts my heart all on it's own, despite the fact that I have no other choice but to do so. Learning to live without your child feels so wrong, somehow. As if you're leaving them behind. You almost feel guilty at times, that it didn't kill you. It certainly felt as if it would for a while; I hoped that it would, every day, for at least a year. I finally reached a point where I couldn't stand the pain and misery anymore, I HAD to find a way to feel better. I'm working at it. I have hope. But god, I miss her. Every moment of every day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by stephanie_says View Post
    I was recently interviewed for a podcast called Grieving Overdose Death. We talked about Jade, her life, her struggles with addiction, her death, and how it has been, living with all of the above. If anyone is interested in listening, here is the link.

    http://grievingoverdosedeath.libsyn.com/jade

    20 months into this life sentence. We are all learning to carry on, which hurts my heart all on it's own, despite the fact that I have no other choice but to do so. Learning to live without your child feels so wrong, somehow. As if you're leaving them behind. You almost feel guilty at times, that it didn't kill you. It certainly felt as if it would for a while; I hoped that it would, every day, for at least a year. I finally reached a point where I couldn't stand the pain and misery anymore, I HAD to find a way to feel better. I'm working at it. I have hope. But god, I miss her. Every moment of every day.
    All the best to you. I hope it gets better for you!

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