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Thread: How soon is too soon to move on?

  1. #1
    Administrator Olivia's Avatar
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    How soon is too soon to move on?

    So, I follow this blogger called The Freckled Fox. https://www.facebook.com/thefreckledfoxblog/?fref=ts

    She has a thousand kids and I learned today she is only 25. THREE months ago her husband died after an 18 month battle with cancer.



    Anyway, she posted today that she is REMARRIED.

    She is deleting all the 'judgemental' comments from her FB post.


    Someone commented on her post that her story is similar to this guy -

    https://www.facebook.com/matt.morton...c_location=ufi

    I did a bit of digging and his wife Julie died September 2014 from cancer and by Feb 2015 he had met this lady and they were married March 2015. Her previous husband died June 2014. They now have 8 kids between them.

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=580102707


    http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dig...1-db8ee8305344 - his wife's obituary

    http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dig...b-42b67b16720a - her husband's obituary


    Does this seem like madness to anyone else? WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
    Last edited by Olivia; 09-27-2016 at 06:25 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member puke's Avatar
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    That's a good question, I've known someone who basically killed himself after his wife committed suicide.
    Gooble goble gooble goble one of us one of us. t(-_-)t

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    Senior Member daisylane's Avatar
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    Yeah... for the 5 children at least, that seems fast. I'm generally judgy when a woman introduces her new BF to her kids... let alone.. this.

    The Freckled Fox
    Like This Page ? 14 July ?
    Today you are four weeks an Angel. You would have loved the sunset tonight. You would have laughed helping me get the cows out of the yard, tucked the kids into bed, and then we would have cuddled on the hammock together to watch the sun go down. Thank you for choosing me, for being my best friend, and for sharing every big and tiny adventure with me.
    I miss you so.

    ....

    "The cliff-notes version: We met over 10 years ago while we were both in high school. We started writing letters to each other, and kept it up for several years. We became incredibly close and helped one another through some tough years. When I became engaged to Martin, Richard and I parted ways as friends. We didn't reconnect until very recently, and things started moving fast between us. We had grown so close all those years ago, and were very much able pick up where we'd left off."

    SUS LIV, SUS.

    Edited to add: We share the same hair. I now have mixed feelings.
    Last edited by daisylane; 09-27-2016 at 06:47 PM.
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by puke View Post
    That's a good question, I've known someone who basically killed himself after his wife committed suicide.
    I get this more than I get the other side.

  5. #5
    What do you care? Boston Babe 73's Avatar
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    Meh. I don't understand it myself, but I can see why people don't want to be alone and will try to "put their life back together" as quickly as possible. I agree that it's probably not the best move for any kids they have and I would caution that it's likely a rebound kind of move, but I won't judge either since I've never been there. Not everyone is good at being independent. I love it, personally. If my Husband were to pass, I'd want some quality time alone for a while. Work through the grief instead of trying to find a distraction from it. I personally find that to be healthier at least for me.
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  6. #6
    Moderator puzzld's Avatar
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    Grief is funny. My Dad was deathly ill for 6 months; a few months after his death, Mom started going with an old boyfriend. Now there weren't young kids involved, I was 30, and his kids are older than me, so that was a difference. But Mom had been mourning from the time Dad was diagnosed, in all reality she was nine months into her "widowhood" only 3 months after his body finally gave up. That first winter after Dad was gone everything went to Hell. Cars broke down, water lines froze up, all those things that he just took took care of.. I can see why someone might be tempted to team up with someone who'd help with all that stuff...

    And maybe especially someone with kids. If you are so grief stricken and tired you can hardly take a step having someone to lean on would be very tempting.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member daisylane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by puzzld View Post
    Grief is funny. My Dad was deathly ill for 6 months; a few months after his death, Mom started going with an old boyfriend. Now there weren't young kids involved, I was 30, and his kids are older than me, so that was a difference. But Mom had been mourning from the time Dad was diagnosed, in all reality she was nine months into her "widowhood" only 3 months after his body finally gave up. That first winter after Dad was gone everything went to Hell. Cars broke down, water lines froze up, all those things that he just took took care of.. I can see why someone might be tempted to team up with someone who'd help with all that stuff...

    And maybe especially someone with kids. If you are so grief stricken and tired you can hardly take a step having someone to lean on would be very tempting.
    True. And she's super young with a large load on her shoulders.
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  8. #8
    Sana sana colita de rana beli's Avatar
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    I don't know. My sis in law married my brother in law less than a year after her husband died of cancer.

  9. #9
    Administrator Olivia's Avatar
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    I'm not even side-eyeing the new relationship as much as I am judging the marriage. Why the need to rush into a new marriage? If it turns out in a few months/years that the widow rushed in for the wrong reasons (after the honeymoon period ends), the kids then have to go through divorce etc. I just feel like the odds are that this will all go wrong. Plus, his poor family (dead husband).

  10. #10
    What do you care? Boston Babe 73's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olivia View Post
    I'm not even side-eyeing the new relationship as much as I am judging the marriage. Why the need to rush into a new marriage? If it turns out in a few months/years that the widow rushed in for the wrong reasons (after the honeymoon period ends), the kids then have to go through divorce etc. I just feel like the odds are that this will all go wrong. Plus, his poor family (dead husband).
    This I understand completely. I personally don't really like the institution of marriage all that much. Both my Husband and I would have been happy never getting married and just being committed to each other, but immigration required it for us. When you're together without the paperwork, you're really there because you want to be. In some instances, people stay in bad marriages because the alternative is messy and complicated so they just put up with the situation.

    My Husband and I have had our fair share if troubles and in my opinion, some of that stems from feeling trapped or obligated because of the legalities rather than focusing on us as people living together. All in all, we've done pretty good considering we got married 6 weeks after we met. This December is 12 years, so something is right about it.

    I can understand people's personal religious beliefs playing a part, but like Liv mentioned.... Why not just be a committed couple for a while?
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  11. #11
    Senior Member daisylane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boston Babe 73 View Post
    This I understand completely. I personally don't really like the institution of marriage all that much. Both my Husband and I would have been happy never getting married and just being committed to each other, but immigration required it for us. When you're together without the paperwork, you're really there because you want to be. In some instances, people stay in bad marriages because the alternative is messy and complicated so they just put up with the situation.

    My Husband and I have had our fair share if troubles and in my opinion, some of that stems from feeling trapped or obligated because of the legalities rather than focusing on us as people living together. All in all, we've done pretty good considering we got married 6 weeks after we met. This December is 12 years, so something is right about it.

    I can understand people's personal religious beliefs playing a part, but like Liv mentioned.... Why not just be a committed couple for a while?
    I think you're amazing, holy heck!

    But yeah, I think the marriage is the 'ouch' bit - his family would likely still want to be mourning with her/supporting her - which I'm sure will continue, but would be more.. awkward.

    I just find the marriage fast in the sense that... I really think they were at least talking before her husband passed. I'm not judging that, everyone needs support, but this to me spells that, which makes it awkward.

    I feel weird writing about a life choice rather than a death choice tbh. No hate from me, just thoughts. (Initial post was in the morning and i was sassseh)
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  12. #12
    Senior Member Defy Gravity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by daisylane View Post
    I think you're amazing, holy heck!

    But yeah, I think the marriage is the 'ouch' bit - his family would likely still want to be mourning with her/supporting her - which I'm sure will continue, but would be more.. awkward.

    I just find the marriage fast in the sense that... I really think they were at least talking before her husband passed. I'm not judging that, everyone needs support, but this to me spells that, which makes it awkward.

    I feel weird writing about a life choice rather than a death choice tbh. No hate from me, just thoughts. (Initial post was in the morning and i was sassseh)
    This is my guess also. Honestly, he might have known about it and been totally ok with it too. I wouldn't want my husband to mourn me forever...maybe let me get cold first though. (That's my selfish side though.)
    I've known 2 young widows. Neither moved on quickly. One just recently got remarried and its been just over 5 years.
    I've noticed men tend to remarry faster. 3 months seems very fast though. Is she pregnant?

  13. #13
    Senior Member bermstalker's Avatar
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    Some women just can't live without a man. A man is their identity in life.

    My mom always remarried fast after husbands would die. within months. She just left her newest boyfriend and lives in a new apt. She has dementia and a million other health problems....and she still has men that sniff around.

  14. #14
    Administrator Olivia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bermstalker View Post
    Some women just can't live without a man. A man is their identity in life.

    My mom always remarried fast after husbands would die. within months. She just left her newest boyfriend and lives in a new apt. She has dementia and a million other health problems....and she still has men that sniff around.
    Dead husbands? Plural? How many?

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    Senior Member bermstalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olivia View Post
    Dead husbands? Plural? How many?
    Two husbands.
    One suicide and the other- a heart attack. Years apart and she was nowhere around.
    Her middle (ex) husband may also be dead by now. Not sure.

  16. #16
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    I don't think there is any hard and fast rule either way, or that anything you do after losing someone you love is necessarily wrong.

    I do think it's a problem when you use someone's illness as an attention getting mechanism and put it out there in the public and play the poor distraught spouse and get tons of sympathy and use it for your gain, and then jump in someone else's bed and marry them before your old spouse is even cold.

    I do think you can't really have all that great a relationship with one of the spouses (either the old or new...maybe both) to move on that quickly.

  17. #17
    Senior Member missbad's Avatar
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    I just read a post elsewhere from the deceased husbands cousin, and his family is not happy at all. They are questioning everything includiding all the money that was donated to them. It's not looking good.


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  18. #18
    Senior Member Defy Gravity's Avatar
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    I just found a forum where one of his family members is posting.
    What I've read thus far is they aren't happy, it was done in secret and they were told after, he doesn't even have a headstone yet and it was before 3 months passed:/ That's all the further I am so far.
    This is going to tear whatever relationship she had with them apart. This is so very sad.

  19. #19
    Senior Member debk589's Avatar
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    How is she that skinny with that many kids

  20. #20
    Administrator Olivia's Avatar
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    Where's the forum that the family are posting in?

  21. #21
    Moderator Bewitchingstorm's Avatar
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    I find it weird she moved on so quickly but grief is something unique to each individual.
    Last edited by Bewitchingstorm; 09-28-2016 at 03:45 PM.

  22. #22
    Moderator bowieluva's Avatar
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    this has come up many times before.

    it is VERY COMMON for men to reenter relationships almost immediately after breaking up or being widowed. women tend to stay single longer, but mostly that's the result of cultural stigma and judgement. We are taught that grief is something we should bear alone in the dark, a weight we struggle with alone, that somehow because someone died, we should also feel guilt for being alive.

    I really do not give a shit about how soon I think someone should move on or not, because that is not mine to judge about.

  23. #23
    Senior Member daisylane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisedbywolves View Post
    I do think it's a problem when you use someone's illness as an attention getting mechanism and put it out there in the public and play the poor distraught spouse and get tons of sympathy and use it for your gain, and then jump in someone else's bed and marry them before your old spouse is even cold.
    I was too much of a pussy to say this, but yeah, that was my other thinking.

    Quote Originally Posted by missbad View Post
    I just read a post elsewhere from the deceased husbands cousin, and his family is not happy at all. They are questioning everything includiding all the money that was donated to them. It's not looking good.
    Thank you. My thinking exactly. He didn't just rock up ad get married within 3 months, they would ahve definitely be talking - as said above HE may have been comfy with it - but out of respect for the family, maybe even mention it to them? Or wait for your dead husband you looooooooooved to have a headstone?

    It just reads to me, he helped make a career for her, he died, she ran with the win. Rough? Yes.

    But hey, she put it out there, I'm here just havin' my thoughts.
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  24. #24
    Senior Member queenaevadamthng's Avatar
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    To tell you what a prick my grandfather was, he met my dad's stepmother in the waiting room at the hospital while both of them had spouses dying of cancer. They got married just a few months later.

    My daughter is having a really tough time after the death of her granny. Her paw paw just remarried his girlfriend he had before he married my daughter's granny when they were teenagers. Granny only died back in November.

    Just last weekend my daughter and her aunt had to have an estate sale to get rid of all her granny's belongings. Step granny is totally removing any hint that granny #1 ever existed. Paw Paw is so wrapped up in new wife that he totally forgot my daughter's birthday which really hurt her. My daughter is trying to say she is ok with everything because she didn't want to see her Paw Paw sad, but I know she isn't.

    The real kicker here is that mt daughter's Paw Paw and new wife are living in a house and living off family money that came from my daughter's granny's family. He was SC trash before he married daughter's granny, that's why new wife's family ran him off when they were teenagers.


    "Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang from a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy. But use your eyes, your common sense".... JIM GARRISON

  25. #25
    Senior Member missbad's Avatar
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    So the new husband "accidentally" shot himself in the hand/arm and her in the knee, while all 5 kids were in the home.

    http://www.kmvt.com/content/news/Cou...415382583.html

    https://www.facebook.com/thefreckled...11274065695459


    Quote Originally Posted by sogs View Post
    Nothing matters but the lesbian.

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