Originally Posted by
Bewitchingstorm
He posted this on March 5th:
I am not trying to make excuses. I fucked up, and may pay for it for the rest of my life. M and will do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn't happen again.I just hope that my friends family can forgive me. Know I probably lost the best thing I could have ever wanted or needed in malinda. I am hoping I go into rehab Monday. Its a start. I can't take back what I've done. God knows I wish I could. For those that hate me now, I'm sorry. No one an hate me more than I hate myself right now.all I can do is ask for forgiveness, I can't forgive myself for what I've done right now. Ruined everything good in my life, and have no one to blame but myself. I fucked everything up in my life that I hold dear. I am and will do everything in my power to see that this doesn't happen again.. all I can do is go one day at a time. I truly am sorry for everyone I let down and hurt. I did what I did, and will pay for it for the rest of my life. I know I've lost the respect of everyone. I know what Ive done, with MA Linda being gone I know all too well. She is my life, and she may be gone forever. I know I've lost some friends over this, and lost the respect of everyone I know. No one but me can know what I think and feel about myself. Or hate me more.to MA Linda, I hope in time I can be worthy of your love again. I will do anything and everything to possibly have the chance to make everything right, and have the chance to be with you again.
For those that feel I am making excuses, I'm sorry, that wasn't how I was wanting what I wrote to come across like. There is no excuse for what I've done. No matter why I did what I did, I did it. I AM asking for those that are friends will still be friends, and I haven't lost everyone. I know that there are those that will hate me for the rest of my life,
To malindas family, I'm sorry for hurting her like I have. She told me that I showed her a love like she has never known before, and I destroyed that, and betrayed her trust and love. I am asking those that know me and believe in god will pray for me, and try to believe in me again in time. I have a long road ahead of me, but whatever it takes, I will do. I am not looking for understanding, Cruz I don't deserve it, at LST not right now. Anyway. Just noted to try and clear up that I was looking at excuses, Cruz there are none. I did what I did, and there is nothing I can do to take it back. And after 15 years clean, there will never be an excuse.
I pray that MA Linda can forgive me in time, and I can prove to her that I will do whatever it takes to never do this again. And hopefully in time those I've betrayed and hurt can forgive me.