One of the most difficult conversations I've ever had with her was after I had moved to Austin.
We would talk on and off for days and there were times that she was really sweet to me.....like when I wasn't fucking up things in my life.
She told me that in one of her last meetings with a panel of doctors they were very rude to her....
It went something like...
"well....you'd probably only live for maybe 5 more years and you'll be in the same pain you're in now for the rest of your life and after the transplant you won't be able to use the same types of pain medications".
It reminded me of when I was a kid I used to take my glasses off before school because I thought I looked like a nerd and all the other kids would make fun of me.
When I went to the eye doctor I was screamed at and told I was going to go blind if I kept doing that.
Although in her case it was asshole doctors that were telling her that she's going to die anyway.
That was when she decided that the lungs should go to a healthier person.
We cried together on the phone and I asked her if she forgives me for everything I did and ....didn't do.
I wanted her to be with her family and I had felt like I was ruining the last part of her life. She told me that of course she forgives me and she had come to terms with what was going to happen a long time ago.
I remember she used to try tell me about her reading into how a person with cf dies....I would always make her stop before she could go into detail.
Not a plug .....but this is the page I had created a long time ago to post articles so that I could remember to read to her later while she rode.
It was a quiet ranch just North of Stone oak in San Antonio and she would just walk the horses while I read to her....
https://www.facebook.com/The-Bad-New...38628/?fref=ts