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Thread: Funny/Absurd Headlines

  1. #1
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    Smile Funny/Absurd Headlines

    Death related or not, post them here.

    --------------------

    My first choice is from a local paper circa 2007:

    'Murder Enquiry Man Is Dead'

    Really? There's a surprise .
    The story was that a man actively involved in a murder enquiry had been found dead but the headline was vague!

  2. #2
    Senior Member deeply shaded's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beli View Post
    kim kardashian - made famous for having a sex tape, should die in a fire
    Quote Originally Posted by McMama View Post
    Have you ever walked into a mall, sat on God's lap, and had your picture taken?

  3. #3
    Senior Member deeply shaded's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beli View Post
    kim kardashian - made famous for having a sex tape, should die in a fire
    Quote Originally Posted by McMama View Post
    Have you ever walked into a mall, sat on God's lap, and had your picture taken?

  4. #4
    Senior Member deeply shaded's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beli View Post
    kim kardashian - made famous for having a sex tape, should die in a fire
    Quote Originally Posted by McMama View Post
    Have you ever walked into a mall, sat on God's lap, and had your picture taken?

  5. #5
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    There's nothing like a bit of clarity eh :D

  6. #6
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    'Incinerator Drop-In Sessions Held'

    Hmm, the Health and Safety Exec. should probably look into that ;).

  7. #7
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    In an old email, I found some others:

    'One Armed man Applauds the Kindness of Strangers'


    'Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism'


    'SPORTS: Rangers Get a Whiff of Colon'


    'Great Tits Cope Well With Warming'

    Thanks for that insight, BBC Nature News ;)


    'Keegan Fills Schmeichel's Gap With Seaman'

    Football news btw*


    'Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls Nike Says'

    I didn't think that was all all he playsed with, just sayin.


    'Rosie Weds Longtime Girlfriend, Slams Bush'

    Ms O' Donnell


    'Local Child Wins gun from Fundraiser'


    'Federal Agents Raid Gun shop, Find Weapons'


    'Condon Truck Tips, Spills Load'


    'Army Vehicle Disappears'
    They could not find after painting it with camouflage paint.

    '

  8. #8
    Sana sana colita de rana beli's Avatar
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    those are pretty funny
    Quote Originally Posted by Gawna View Post
    Roses are red, violets are blue, seriously where is the fucking ring I gave Julie and ask her mom about the flowers
    Quote Originally Posted by Ron_NYC View Post
    In all fairness, we have no idea how big this dude's cock was.

  9. #9
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    Found another old email with some more headlines. The responses were not typed in by me.

    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
    I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    No crap, really? Ya think?
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------








    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Now that's taking things a bit far!
    -----------------------------------------------------------








    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    What a guy!
    ---------------------------------------------------------------









    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
    ---------------------- --------------------------------






    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    See if that works any better than a fair trial!
    ----------------------------------------------------------





    War Dims Hope for Peace
    I can see where it might have that effect!
    ----------------------------------------------------------------





    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Ya think?!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------





    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Who would have thought!
    ----------------------------------------------------------------





    Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;PoliceSuspect Homicide




    They may be on to something!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------





    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
    ----------------------------------------------------------





    Man Struck By Lightning:Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!
    ----------------------------------------------





    New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group
    Weren't they fat enough?!
    -----------------------------------------------





    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    That's what he gets for eating those beans!
    -------------------------------------------------





    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Do they taste like chicken?
    ****************************************





    Local High SchoolDropoutsCut in Half
    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
    ************************************************** *





    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Boy, are they tall!*******************************************





    And the winner is....
    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    Did I read that right?
    ************************************************** *

  10. #10
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    "Palestinian ambassador to Prague killed in safe explosion"

    Not that safe clearly! ;-)

    (Actually, [URL="http://www.theguardian.com/ [/URL] editor needs to sort headline phrasing - it's a ref to a security safe that blew up)

  11. #11
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    'Road Improvement Ceremony Marred by Crash'


    A careless driver, and no-one was hurt, but still unfortunate timing.

  12. #12
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    "Dead Russian Lawyer wins 10-year rights battle"

    Amazing, if not very beneficial to him 🙃

  13. #13
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    The Headline:

    'Bin men hit pub's tree and blamed lightning'

    (Ah, going for the 'Act of God' defence).

    The pub landlady is very upset because
    "the character of the pub has been ruined"
    👀

  14. #14
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    "I arrived as pandemic was peaking and volunteers fled"

    Well, try not to take it personally 😷

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