Suicide Prevention / Suicide Survivors Thread

[tyt115]

[quote author=The Joker link=topic=6444.msg988897#msg988897 date=1220100722]
The one thing that annoys me the most, i say one however it will probably be several...

When people such as myself who have had one or more failed attempts in the past, are then completely ignored when expressing a massive interest in suicide once more. Noone takes me seriously its as though they think, he wont do it and if he does, oh well. Seriously i wish people would take the warning signs more seriously rather than..

Waiting until its too late, then blaming themselves or turnign roudn and saying "how could you be so selfish?" "how could you do this to me?" and then several so called 'friends' use your death to get sympathy for themselves. Its fucking pathetic and disgusts me completely.
[/quote]


I know it has been a few weeks since this post....but dont ever think that everyone is ignoring you or not taking you seriously.  Recently I went to a family members house when I got out of work ( Im 21, and my mother called bc she was fighting with her sister) and although her and my mother had both been drinking my mother had told me that her sister threatened to commit suicide. At the time that she told me...my aunt was upstairs putting her daughter back to bed (who I guess had woken up when the two of them were fighting..she has twins) and I didnt know what to do.I soon realized that they both had been drinking and Well I cornered my aunt and asked her if she had actually threatened to kill herself..and she admitted telling my mother that she was going to kill herself bc my mother (her oldest sister) had told her that she was a bad mom. As I tried to calm my aunt down...who has a history or mental health problems...my mother was calling 911..for what I think was a personal gain. at this point I had my aunt screaming to hang up...and since I knew that emergency personnel would call back/respond to a hang up I did what she asked. Immediately the phone rang after I hung up and I tried to say everything was ok...and the officer on the other end said he had to respond...I simply asked that they not use the sirens bc children were in the house.  Before they arrive I ran upstairs to find the girls...I heard one of them cryingg but could not find them...each had a tent made over their bed. After calling their name I heard their father yelling...I walked into the master bedroom and explained the situation using 'code' names hoping the little ones woudlnt understand. Her husband didnt seem to care so I had to lie to the children about why the police department, as well as 2 ambulances and fire trucks were outside their window...all the while trying to avoid having my mother get a fine for being drunk in public. As I

[tyt115]

[quote author=The Joker link=topic=6444.msg988897#msg988897 date=1220100722]
The one thing that annoys me the most, i say one however it will probably be several...

When people such as myself who have had one or more failed attempts in the past, are then completely ignored when expressing a massive interest in suicide once more. Noone takes me seriously its as though they think, he wont do it and if he does, oh well. Seriously i wish people would take the warning signs more seriously rather than..

Waiting until its too late, then blaming themselves or turnign roudn and saying "how could you be so selfish?" "how could you do this to me?" and then several so called 'friends' use your death to get sympathy for themselves. Its fucking pathetic and disgusts me completely.
[/quote]


I know it has been a few weeks since this post....but dont ever think that everyone is ignoring you or not taking you seriously.  Recently I went to a family members house when I got out of work ( Im 21, and my mother called bc she was fighting with her sister) and although her and my mother had both been drinking my mother had told me that her sister threatened to commit suicide. At the time that she told me...my aunt was upstairs putting her daughter back to bed (who I guess had woken up when the two of them were fighting..she has twins) and I didnt know what to do.I soon realized that they both had been drinking and Well I cornered my aunt and asked her if she had actually threatened to kill herself..and she admitted telling my mother that she was going to kill herself bc my mother (her oldest sister) had told her that she was a bad mom. As I tried to calm my aunt down...who has a history of mental health problems...my mother was calling 911..for what I think was a personal gain. at this point I had my aunt screaming to hang up...and since I knew that emergency personnel would call back/respond to a hang up I did what she asked. Immediately the phone rang after I hung up and I tried to say everything was ok...but the officer on the other end said he had to respond...I simply asked that they not use the sirens bc children were in the house.  Before they arrived I ran upstairs to find the girls...I heard one of them cryingg but could not find them...each had a tent made over their bed. After calling their name I heard their father yelling...I walked into the master bedroom...both girls were hiding.. and explained the situation using 'code' names hoping the little ones woudlnt understand. Her husband didnt seem to care so I had to lie to the children about why the police department, as well as 2 ambulances and fire trucks were outside their window...all the while trying to avoid having my mother get a fine for being drunk in public. After I finally convinced them that my aunt was not a suicide risk (although i believed that she would be ok i was up all night) and that i was ok to drive (police tend to question people who are overly emotional...they may be drunk/simply mentally unstable)...they let my mother and I leave. Less than 12 hours later I learned my aunt was dead...and never will I call her selfish. this story wasnt meant to gain pity from anyone...I just needed to share my story. Some days I blame myself...some days even my mother blames me...but being someone who overcame suicide...deep down I know it is not MY fault...and no suicide is YOUR fault...I know she showed all the signs..but I thought she was better..I thought she had changed..Ill never blame myself and I will never blame her...

[Onthedarkside]

[quote author=tyt115 link=topic=6444.msg1009914#msg1009914 date=1221728981]

I know it has been a few weeks since this post....but dont ever think that everyone is ignoring you or not taking you seriously.  Recently I went to a family members house when I got out of work ( Im 21, and my mother called bc she was fighting with her sister) and although her and my mother had both been drinking my mother had told me that her sister threatened to commit suicide. At the time that she told me...my aunt was upstairs putting her daughter back to bed (who I guess had woken up when the two of them were fighting..she has twins) and I didnt know what to do.I soon realized that they both had been drinking and Well I cornered my aunt and asked her if she had actually threatened to kill herself..and she admitted telling my mother that she was going to kill herself bc my mother (her oldest sister) had told her that she was a bad mom. As I tried to calm my aunt down...who has a history of mental health problems...my mother was calling 911..for what I think was a personal gain. at this point I had my aunt screaming to hang up...and since I knew that emergency personnel would call back/respond to a hang up I did what she asked. Immediately the phone rang after I hung up and I tried to say everything was ok...but the officer on the other end said he had to respond...I simply asked that they not use the sirens bc children were in the house.  Before they arrived I ran upstairs to find the girls...I heard one of them cryingg but could not find them...each had a tent made over their bed. After calling their name I heard their father yelling...I walked into the master bedroom...both girls were hiding.. and explained the situation using 'code' names hoping the little ones woudlnt understand. Her husband didnt seem to care so I had to lie to the children about why the police department, as well as 2 ambulances and fire trucks were outside their window...all the while trying to avoid having my mother get a fine for being drunk in public. After I finally convinced them that my aunt was not a suicide risk (although i believed that she would be ok i was up all night) and that i was ok to drive (police tend to question people who are overly emotional...they may be drunk/simply mentally unstable)...they let my mother and I leave. Less than 12 hours later I learned my aunt was dead...and never will I call her selfish. this story wasnt meant to gain pity from anyone...I just needed to share my story. Some days I blame myself...some days even my mother blames me...but being someone who overcame suicide...deep down I know it is not MY fault...and no suicide is YOUR fault...I know she showed all the signs..but I thought she was better..I thought she had changed..Ill never blame myself and I will never blame her...
[/quote]

I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt.  Like you said it was not your fault.  We believe what people tell us, and she said she wasn't going to do anything.  I am so sorry. 

[emmy_dreamy]

Due to my recent experience with an attempted suicide in the family, I would like to weigh in on the selfishness discussion.  In order to be selfish one must not be mentally ill.  Since most suicides have a history of mental illness, I think saying that they are selfish is off the mark.  To be selfish requires rational intent and people with mental illnesses are typically not rational.  If anything they see their actions as selflessness.  The complete opposite of what you are saying.  They think the world would be better off with out them or that they are a hindrance to others.  Killing themselves is the only way they can think of irrationally albeit, to save friends and family the pain of having to deal with their illness.  My nephew for instance has always been antisocial and shy.  Just with in the last couple of years he has gotten a few friends and started dating.  Although I do not know yet what lead him to choose suicide, I believe it may have been the depression medications he is prescribed.  If not taken correctly, which he wasn't, they can really fuck with your head. 

[yellowCake1]

[quote author=emmy_dreamy link=topic=12478.msg1010010#msg1010010 date=1221746113]
Due to my recent experience with an attempted suicide in the family, I would like to weigh in on the selfishness discussion.  In order to be selfish one must not be mentally ill.  Since most suicides have a history of mental illness, I think saying that they are selfish is off the mark.  To be selfish requires rational intent and people with mental illnesses are typically not rational.  If anything they see their actions as selflessness.  The complete opposite of what you are saying.  They think the world would be better off with out them or that they are a hindrance to others.  Killing themselves is the only way they can think of irrationally albeit, to save friends and family the pain of having to deal with their illness.  My nephew for instance has always been antisocial and shy.  Just with in the last couple of years he has gotten a few friends and started dating.  Although I do not know yet what lead him to choose suicide, I believe it may have been the depression medications he is prescribed.  If not taken correctly, which he wasn't, they can really fuck with your head. 


[/quote]

I'm not saying you nephew was selfish by all means. people with mental illness may not think rational, but people with mental illnesses can be meticulous in there thought process, and maniacal. two very self serving attributes.

I'm not saying if you commit suicide you are selfish, nor am I saying they believe it is the one act the can do to appease everyone. I'm just saying :|

[trailerparktrash]

[quote author=yellowCake1 link=topic=12478.msg1010019#msg1010019 date=1221747043]
I'm not saying you nephew was selfish by all means. people with mental illness may not think rational, but people with mental illnesses can be meticulous in there thought process, and maniacal. two very self serving attributes.

I'm not saying if you commit suicide you are selfish, nor am I saying they believe it is the one act the can do to appease everyone. I'm just saying :|
[/quote]

So what are you saying? You say a lot of what you're not saying.

[deeply shaded]

[quote author=yellowCake1 link=topic=12478.msg1010019#msg1010019 date=1221747043]
I'm not saying you nephew was selfish by all means. people with mental illness may not think rational, but people with mental illnesses can be meticulous in there thought process, and maniacal. two very self serving attributes.

I'm not saying if you commit suicide you are selfish, nor am I saying they believe it is the one act the can do to appease everyone. I'm just saying :|
[/quote]

But if they are not thinking rationally it matters not how meticulous they are. Mental illness is mental illness, no matter how you go about it.

[yellowCake1]

[quote author=trailerparktrash link=topic=12478.msg1010031#msg1010031 date=1221748042]
So what are you saying? You say a lot of what you're not saying.
[/quote]
:hitwitrock: again you :lol:

Thats what the little Undecided Emoticon is for


[quote author=deeply shaded link=topic=12478.msg1010035#msg1010035 date=1221748278]
But if they are not thinking rationally it matters not how meticulous they are. Mental illness is mental illness, no matter how you go about it.
[/quote]

That is exactly my point. saying there are selfish, or it is selflessness, is a moot point.

[deeply shaded]

[quote author=yellowCake1 link=topic=12478.msg1010037#msg1010037 date=1221748579]
:hitwitrock: again you :lol:

Thats what the little Undecided Emoticon is for


That is exactly my point. saying there are selfish, or it is selflessness, is a mute point.
[/quote]

Okay, gotcha. [size=6pt]The word is moot, not mute. [/size]

[yellowCake1]

[quote author=deeply shaded link=topic=12478.msg1010041#msg1010041 date=1221748990]
Okay, gotcha. [size=6pt]The word is moot, not mute. [/size]
[/quote]

yes teacher. grasshopper is learning

[deeply shaded]

[quote author=yellowCake1 link=topic=12478.msg1010043#msg1010043 date=1221749206]
yes teacher. grasshopper is learning
[/quote]

Well I agreed with the point you were making. The mute/moot thing is just kinda a pet peeve of mine. I'm trying to learn to let that stuff go. PLUS I spelled peeve wrong in the karma I gave you.  :oops: :lol:

[yellowCake1]

[quote author=deeply shaded link=topic=12478.msg1010097#msg1010097 date=1221753102]
Well I agreed with the point you were making. The mute/moot thing is just kinda a pet peeve of mine. I'm trying to learn to let that stuff go. PLUS I spelled peeve wrong in the karma I gave you.  :oops: :lol:
[/quote]

Don't Sweat it, I do the same thing. I don't like to see mistakes, but I also know that I make some, so I try not to point it out. Hell you should see how long it takes me to post sometimes. I have to reread eveything to make sure I spelled it right. :lol:

[sweet elixir]

Hello mds.

I have been a long time lurker and have finally decided to post as I am wondering if anyone can perhaps shed some light for me.

From the time I was small (now 36) my parents best friends were a husband and wife couple that were both great people.  They were basically an aunt and uncle to me with us getting together with them weekly.

The wife had always suffered one medical ailment or another as far back as I can recall and her husband took incredible care of her, the household, the finances, everything.  This lasted through all of my childhood and into my early 20's when sadly enough she passed on.

I can remember my parents saying how though such a sad event that it had to offer him some sort of relief as for over 20 years he had thought that he could lose her any day over the entire 20+ years.

Anyway, husband did go on to meet someone else and started to live what seemed a happy and full life.  He met another woman, got re-married, travelled, bought several properties and seriously seemed to be finally enjoying his life and doing all of the things he hadn't been able to while taking such incredible, selfless care of his first wife.  Everyone was happy that he was able to make another life for himself and that he seemed so happy.

Suddenly, 6 years after his first wife's passing he was found in his running car in his garage.  It absolutely broke all of our hearts.  We believe that the pain of being able to do all of this but without his beloved is what did it to him.  He just wanted so badly to be with her that he was willing to give up everything he had worked so hard for all of those years.

I never could understand and was sad & mad at him for "taking the easy way out" and leaving us all to suffer without him in our lives anymore. 

Last week I lost my dear sweet dad whom I was very close with for all of my 36 years.  Last November he suffered a stroke one night and a week later he began suffering from vascular dementia and barely even knew who we were.  We are talking going from a man who routinely phoned me every Sunday morning to ask me how my horses were doing to seeing little green men running around the hospital floor within the space of 7 days.  This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and it is killing me.  I know that I can't bring him back but the thought does keep crossing my mind that the alternative is that I could always join him -- if that is how it works when we are gone. 

I can now suddenly relate to what our family friend must have been thinking all of those 6 years without his beloved wife.  Without her everything meant nothing.  Without her all of the money and trips and properties etc. weren't worth squat. 

So I guess my question here is, is it a normal part of the grieving process to consider joining those we've lost or do I have a problem that could possibly fester for 6 years until I realize that I just can't cope without my dear dad? 

I apologize if I make no sense or am confusing at all, I am just a bit emotional at this time and can't be sure how well I might come across.

Thank you for any input in advance. 

[sue_vicious]

[quote author=sweet elixir link=topic=12478.msg1030353#msg1030353 date=1223337499]
Hello mds.

I have been a long time lurker and have finally decided to post as I am wondering if anyone can perhaps shed some light for me.

From the time I was small (now 36) my parents best friends were a husband and wife couple that were both great people.  They were basically an aunt and uncle to me with us getting together with them weekly.

The wife had always suffered one medical ailment or another as far back as I can recall and her husband took incredible care of her, the household, the finances, everything.  This lasted through all of my childhood and into my early 20's when sadly enough she passed on.

I can remember my parents saying how though such a sad event that it had to offer him some sort of relief as for over 20 years he had thought that he could lose her any day over the entire 20+ years.

Anyway, husband did go on to meet someone else and started to live what seemed a happy and full life.  He met another woman, got re-married, travelled, bought several properties and seriously seemed to be finally enjoying his life and doing all of the things he hadn't been able to while taking such incredible, selfless care of his first wife.  Everyone was happy that he was able to make another life for himself and that he seemed so happy.

Suddenly, 6 years after his first wife's passing he was found in his running car in his garage.  It absolutely broke all of our hearts.  We believe that the pain of being able to do all of this but without his beloved is what did it to him.  He just wanted so badly to be with her that he was willing to give up everything he had worked so hard for all of those years.

I never could understand and was sad & mad at him for "taking the easy way out" and leaving us all to suffer without him in our lives anymore. 

Last week I lost my dear sweet dad whom I was very close with for all of my 36 years.  Last November he suffered a stroke one night and a week later he began suffering from vascular dementia and barely even knew who we were.  We are talking going from a man who routinely phoned me every Sunday morning to ask me how my horses were doing to seeing little green men running around the hospital floor within the space of 7 days.  This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and it is killing me.  I know that I can't bring him back but the thought does keep crossing my mind that the alternative is that I could always join him -- if that is how it works when we are gone. 

I can now suddenly relate to what our family friend must have been thinking all of those 6 years without his beloved wife.  Without her everything meant nothing.  Without her all of the money and trips and properties etc. weren't worth squat. 

So I guess my question here is, is it a normal part of the grieving process to consider joining those we've lost or do I have a problem that could possibly fester for 6 years until I realize that I just can't cope without my dear dad? 

I apologize if I make no sense or am confusing at all, I am just a bit emotional at this time and can't be sure how well I might come across.

Thank you for any input in advance. 
[/quote]
Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm so sorry. It seems as though you've had to deal with a lot of loss. 
I may be wrong here, but I think that when you lose someone so close to you, this is a natural thought process to want to be with them. I don't know how much thought you've given it, but if you really feel that you might try to end your life, there are lots of people here who are willing to listen and help in any way that they can in order to keep you from doing so. Please remember how you feel now having lost your father, and remember that someone is going to feel that way when you're gone.

[sweet elixir]

Aw, thank you Sue. 

I don't believe that I am in any danger of suicide as I love my life as much as I love/d my dad and my surviving wee ma.  I just have never suffered the loss of a parent before and of course during this process so many things have crossed my mind that I wondered if this was normal thinking or not.  And then especially thinking of what our friend went through. 

I have way too many animals that need me (cat rescue, show horses, retired horses, orphaned lambs, alpacas & llama's - holy geez I just realized that's a lot of animals!)  as well as a great family and friends. 

I do suppose that it will get easier with time but the fact that I stopped to ponder it sort of scared me enough to ask about it. 

I truly appreciate your post.  Many heartfelt thanks to you. 

[tgyta]

[quote author=sweet elixir link=topic=12478.msg1030436#msg1030436 date=1223342203]
Aw, thank you Sue. 

I don't believe that I am in any danger of suicide as I love my life as much as I love/d my dad and my surviving wee ma.  I just have never suffered the loss of a parent before and of course during this process so many things have crossed my mind that I wondered if this was normal thinking or not.  And then especially thinking of what our friend went through. 

I have way too many animals that need me (cat rescue, show horses, retired horses, orphaned lambs, alpacas & llama's - holy geez I just realized that's a lot of animals!)  as well as a great family and friends. 

I do suppose that it will get easier with time but the fact that I stopped to ponder it sort of scared me enough to ask about it. 

I truly appreciate your post.  Many heartfelt thanks to you. 
[/quote]

I'm not an expert or anything, I've only got my own experience to go off of.  After my husband committed suicide I think I spent the first week or 2 just trying to come to terms with the fact that he was actually gone.  I wasn't prepared at all for his death and I think part of me felt like he was still there, or maybe it was more like he was supposed to be there but my brain was interpretting as him still being there.  Hell, I don't really know what was going on in my head really.  Reality was a little distorted. 

I do remember however the thought occuring to me that because I loved him so much, missed him so much, couldn't comprehend life without him, that for some reason maybe I was supposed to want to be with him, or join him...like I thought that was part of how it went when someone you loved died.  It was like I was questioning myself.  "Am I supposed to want to kill myself now too?"  I remember driving over a bridge soon after and it was like I was observing myself, waiting for some sort of urge to come over me, like I was waiting to suddenly want to kill myself... 

I don't know if any of that made sense.  Obviously I realized pretty quick that I didn't want to kill myself and that I still had a life to live and was in no rush to meet up with him.  He's not going anywhere and we can quarrel/make-up when and if I get there, if there is a there to get to.  It sounds like you've got a lot to live for and realize it.  but yea...I don't know if it's natural or not but I've been there too...

Anyway, if the urges do get serious don't be afraid to reach out!

[sweet elixir]

Thank you.  I appreciate your sharing that with me.

All the best to you in the future. 

[mydeathspace]

[quote author=sweet elixir link=topic=12478.msg1030353#msg1030353 date=1223337499]
This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and it is killing me.  I know that I can't bring him back but the thought does keep crossing my mind that the alternative is that I could always join him -- if that is how it works when we are gone.  
[/quote]

Welcome sweet elixir!

Without getting into religion, I personally think you don't go anywhere when you die. It's just over. I don't think we are extended the opportunity to "join anyone" once our time expires.

I cannot really relate though since I have not lost anyone close to me.

I wish you the best though in your grieving and look forward to you posting more.

[candy_assss]

It's been 3 months since my brother in law hung himself...its still so hard to deal with. I find myself up nights not getting him out of my head :(

[sweet elixir]

[quote author=mydeathspace link=topic=12478.msg1031313#msg1031313 date=1223413429]
Welcome sweet elixir!

Without getting into religion, I personally think you don't go anywhere when you die. It's just over. I don't think we are extended the opportunity to "join anyone" once our time expires.

I cannot really relate though since I have not lost anyone close to me.

I wish you the best though in your grieving and look forward to you posting more.
[/quote]

Thanks, mds.  It's nice to meet ya.

I hear you on the unreligious note though I was kind of hoping that if I were to quickly become a chrismormjehmusbuddkrishna that I'd get all bases covered just in case?

I am sorry about your loss, candy. 

[FemmeFatality]

[quote author=candy_assss link=topic=12478.msg1031388#msg1031388 date=1223418690]
It's been 3 months since my brother in law hung himself...its still so hard to deal with. I find myself up nights not getting him out of my head :(
[/quote]

[PrivateIdaho]

I'm new here but I wanted to share some of my experiences. I have never tried to commit suicide but it has reared it's ugly head a couple of times in my life.

When I was 10 years old (I am now 43) my mother caught my father on Christmas eve with the neighbor. She downed a whole bottle of sleeping pills. I was much too young to comprehend what had happened but I only knew mom was in a hospital. My father explained what happen later when I was 14 years old. I never really let it get too me I think because I had been very young and could not comprehend it. About 15 years ago I drove my mother to a doctor appointment. She was suffereing with arthritis, osteoporosis and a fractured spine. She was in a lot of pain. She told the doctor, while I stood there waiting, that she wished she could just end it all so she would not be a burden on her kids. It is very hard to hear your mother speak like this.

I also had a friend in high school (the 80's) commit suicide because the pressure of being gay and not being accepted by his parents was too much. That hit me hard.

Now a few days ago a teen at my daughters school shoots himself in the head. She took it hard and it hurt and I think I hurt more than she did because I'm a parent and I could only imagine was his parents are going through. I think all parents hurt when a child hurts regardless of the circumstance.

[heavenleigh]

[quote author=angie35 link=topic=12478.msg869462#msg869462 date=1211863494]
     Damn, no wonder your husband killed himself. Your a BITCH!
[/quote]Oh wow.i knew that I had said some horrible things on here,because I was angry with the world,but this is possibly the worst ever! From the bottom of my heart,I apologize. My mind was so full of hate and lashing out at everyone and anyone 2 blame for the awful things that were happening. I pray that you find it in your heart to forgive me,if not ,I understand.  I am sooo sooo sorry for saying such an awful thing. Is there by any chance a favorite charity,or something,anything I can do to help,ANYTHING!  Anything,just name it.Words cannot express how ashamed I feel.  Im soo sorry. Please message me if I can be of ANY help :-(

[sue_vicious]

[quote author=heavenleigh link=topic=12478.msg1056927#msg1056927 date=1225182543]
Oh wow.i knew that I had said some horrible things on here,because I was angry with the world,but this is possibly the worst ever! From the bottom of my heart,I apologize. My mind was so full of hate and lashing out at everyone and anyone 2 blame for the awful things that were happening. I pray that you find it in your heart to forgive me,if not ,I understand.  I am sooo sooo sorry for saying such an awful thing. Is there by any chance a favorite charity,or something,anything I can do to help,ANYTHING!  Anything,just name it.Words cannot express how ashamed I feel.  Im soo sorry. Please message me if I can be of ANY help :-(
[/quote]
If you are being sincere, this is very big of you.

[nolajersey]

A good friend of mine that I have know since I was 15 (30 now) hung himself in the middle of the night 3 days ago.  His wife found him and it was too late to save him.  I have never known anyone who killed themselves before.  It's so hard for me to understand.  I am sad and hurt but I am also so angry.  Then I feel guilty for being angry.  I am just so angry that he left his daughter without a father and his wife without a husband.  I am so angry that he left us all to deal with pain of losing someone who meant the world to us.  Is anger normal?