[quote author=hollisann link=topic=12478.msg736762#msg736762 date=1203541155]
I have shared some of my story in a prior thread, but can give a rundown for those who haven't seen it.
When I was 9 (my sister was 7)my father shot himself while my sister and I were asleep upstairs. My mom had left him (he was a VERY abusive alcoholic and cocaine user) and finally and we were living about 5 miles from him. On the night it happened he broke into our house and cut the phone wires. He was searching for my mom, but couldn't find her, so he came upstairs to the bedroom my sister and I shared. He woke us up, told us he loved us very much and he had left presents for us downstairs. He then told us to put our heads under our pillows and go back to sleep (of course we did what we were told, we were half asleep and it seemed like a dream). We were woken up an hour (maybe less) later by a sobbing police officer in our bedroom (he was sobbing because he thought we were dead - the pillows were still over our heads), and whisked out of the house to the neighbors.
I just looked out the window of the neighbor's house and said to my mom - he's dead, isn't he? I found out from my uncle when I was 18 that he had left a suicide note explaining why he had killed himself, his wife, and both of his daughters.
I have been through counseling, but think the whole experience made me a much stronger person. I have never even considered suicide and have definitely discussed the impact it had on my life with some friends who were depressed.
Unfortunately, I have married a man a lot like my father (without the abusive part) - I think in a effort for my subconscious to "save him". I am afraid every day that he will commit suicide and my daughter will end up without a father like I did.
Sorry for the long story - just wanted to share :oops:
Your story always amazes me hollisann. I can't even begin to imagine how someone deals with something like that. You are a very strong lady. Thank you for sharing