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Thread: the elderly, we love them but dang.....

  1. #26
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    here's the first part of my story, I told the second part yesterday.

    a year and a half ago we got a call from my parents neighbor in Florida. She thought something was wrong which confused my brother and I since my Father had repeatedly told us all was well. I flew from NY to Florida the next morning and had a person from my parent's community pick us up. My brother's then girlfriend came with me. My folks had no idea we were coming. I got there at noon and by 2 pm had both my parents in the hospital. Dad in ICU with advanced double pneumonia and mom on a regular floor with a very bad UTI. My dad went from bad to worse and four days later I signed the papers to take him off life support. He passed away that day but I was able to be with him and I promised him I would take care of Mom. The hardest part was telling her. Even now it makes me cry. I worked with a nursing home near me in NY and she flew out of Florida and was admitted to the home at midnight the day after Dad passed. I stayed in Florida and boxed up what I could fit in two vans and my brother and my best half drove down in our van and loaded up our's and Mom and Dad's and we took it all back to NY. My Mom went from me at the door, surprise!, to the hospital, to NY and never saw her husband, her friends, or her home again. And I gained a then 86 yr old child. We had a memorial service for Dad a year ago when Mom was able to at least go and now Dad resides on my china cabinet waiting for Mom. They were married 63 years. He took care of her for 63 years so how could I not take over. Funny thing, I'm not their favorite child. My brother is the family golden child but it's not about praise or who Mom loves best, it's about doing what's right and keeping a promise. Even funnier thing, I'm a better parent to Mom than she ever was to me :)
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  2. #27
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    Wow that is terrible! I am glad that the neighbor called ya. I so feel the same with your last couple of sentences! I was the worst kid my mom had... the best now! She calls my sister my name every time she is here to visit. My brothers dont see my mom, due to them thinking that I have spent all their portion of the money... there wasnt much, but I have only spent what needed to be to care for her over the years.
    Its not easy to hide all this damage inside ~ Aaron Lewis

  3. #28
    Senior Member morbidT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PunkerDuckie View Post
    Worst. Lesbian. Ever.

    Sometimes I forget I'm only a lesbian on the internet.

    Quote Originally Posted by MoonDancer View Post
    That's the absolute shits, mT. IF either of the daughters had been living in your aunt's home for at least two years prior to her going into the nursing home, the state of OH couldn't have legally taken the house. But it was the 39 year old who had established residential rights to keep the home. IF you or someone else cared to contact a lawyer, I'm pretty sure her effed up scheme could be over-turned. It just burns me to know she did this. Or, if it can be proven that he has a form of autism or other comprehension problems, the deal she pulled isn't legal in the first place.

    Hope you don't mind a little advice on that.

    You are exactly right. Although, this is in Indiana, but the law is the same as Ohio. I spoke to the other cousin and she is going to take the 39 year old to the welfare office (I'm not sure if that's the correct term) to see if he can get assistance. I told her they might be a resource in getting him an advocate through legal aid or something. He has never written a check, never made his own doc or dental appointment, never been on a date, never got a drivers license (I know this isn't a big deal for people who live in large cities, but they live in rural Indiana), and really doesn't talk. If he talks it's about a new action figure he bought or a new movie. I don't know how get got through the job interview at his job. Anyway, we are all working on trying to find him an advocate.

    I don't mind the advice, at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    I'll adopt you if you promise to do the chores that annoy me.
    Okay.......I think. haha

    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    here's the first part of my story, I told the second part yesterday.

    a year and a half ago we got a call from my parents neighbor in Florida. She thought something was wrong which confused my brother and I since my Father had repeatedly told us all was well. I flew from NY to Florida the next morning and had a person from my parent's community pick us up. My brother's then girlfriend came with me. My folks had no idea we were coming. I got there at noon and by 2 pm had both my parents in the hospital. Dad in ICU with advanced double pneumonia and mom on a regular floor with a very bad UTI. My dad went from bad to worse and four days later I signed the papers to take him off life support. He passed away that day but I was able to be with him and I promised him I would take care of Mom. The hardest part was telling her. Even now it makes me cry. I worked with a nursing home near me in NY and she flew out of Florida and was admitted to the home at midnight the day after Dad passed. I stayed in Florida and boxed up what I could fit in two vans and my brother and my best half drove down in our van and loaded up our's and Mom and Dad's and we took it all back to NY. My Mom went from me at the door, surprise!, to the hospital, to NY and never saw her husband, her friends, or her home again. And I gained a then 86 yr old child. We had a memorial service for Dad a year ago when Mom was able to at least go and now Dad resides on my china cabinet waiting for Mom. They were married 63 years. He took care of her for 63 years so how could I not take over. Funny thing, I'm not their favorite child. My brother is the family golden child but it's not about praise or who Mom loves best, it's about doing what's right and keeping a promise. Even funnier thing, I'm a better parent to Mom than she ever was to me :)
    I know my brothers expect me to take care of my parents. They've always expected it, even when I lived hundreds of miles away. When they lived within a couple of miles. I have thought long and hard over what will happen, but I really hope I don't crack and end up taking care of them. I always thought it was about doing the right thing, but it wouldn't be doing the right thing for me. If any of this makes sense.

    You're a good person.


    Quote Originally Posted by blighted star View Post
    ..... it wasn't anything personal, she just mistook him for a serial killer......

  4. #29
    Member BugBug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    your child still can meet them through your stories and your memories. those your brother cannot take.
    I have a daughter now too and I keep both of my parents alive in the memories for each of them.

    We call the brother who took off with the goods Peter Pan because he never wants to grow up. Come to find out later, my mother had been sending him money every month (he's over 50 now) and that's why he came home after she died. His gravy train came to an abrupt stop.

    That's awesome of you to not let any resentment keep you from caring for your mom the right way. Not a lot of people could do that. My heart just hurts for those that have to go through this. Every time I hear a story about as situation like this, it brings it all back like it was yesterday.

  5. #30
    Orig FUCKING MDS lesbian sogs's Avatar
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    Only lesbian on the Internet? How the hell did I meet my gfs then?

  6. #31
    Senior Member morbidT's Avatar
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    Wut?


    Quote Originally Posted by blighted star View Post
    ..... it wasn't anything personal, she just mistook him for a serial killer......

  7. #32
    Moderator bowieluva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by morbidT View Post
    Sometimes I forget I'm only a lesbian on the internet.


    Quote Originally Posted by morbidT View Post
    Wut?
    It's one comment above hers!

  8. #33
    Senior Member morbidT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    It's one comment above hers!
    I figured she was commenting on my comment. But, either she is having a reading comprehension fail or I am.


    Quote Originally Posted by blighted star View Post
    ..... it wasn't anything personal, she just mistook him for a serial killer......

  9. #34
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    I thought I was but then I reread it and knew she'd misread.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  10. #35
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    It's the weekend which for me means no staying up with mom. My brother goes up for an hour each Sat/Sun. so I don't burn out. We have a whole 'nother set of the elderly to tend on weekends. My best half's parents (80, 87) and his Aunt who is a whopping 95 yrs old and actually lives alone in her condo. We had her in an assisted living place but she wanted to go back to her condo and NYS law says she's got a clear head. Our lives revolve around the olds.

    I plan to spend my tomorrow cooking and researching the services of United Healthcare Nursing Home plan. I have a meeting Monday so any imput would be greatly appreciated.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  11. #36
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    God, I can so relate to all of this. Taking care of people is extremely hard and it really does take a toll on you, I know it did me.

    Most people know my backstory as it is but my grandmother was never a grandma to me. She wasnt in my life for a very long time, her choice, not mine. She started talking to me a year or more before she started to go downhill. She started falling down and not able to do alot. She had parkinsons and it was pretty bad.
    She asked us to move in to take care of her. I was her only grandchild and no other relatives on her side besides me. Her and I were it besides my three boys. Anyways, she was mean, she was hateful and said terrible things and required so much of me. I couldnt finish college, I wasnt able to take my kids any places, I was a 24/7 maid/caregiver for a woman who didnt give a shit about me.
    She never wanted to go into a nursing home and this is why she wanted my husband and i to move in. I folllowed her wishes and she died in her home with my husband and i here with her. Right before she died, about 4 days or so, she told me how much she appreciated me and loved me. It made all those years worth it. It made all my anger and frustration go away.

    My mother relied on me to take her to dialysis 3 times a week, sometimes more. She was still young, 64. She had broken feet, walked on crutches, had seizures, out of control diabetic, i took care of her laundry, her groceries, her dr appt's. My mom decided to go off of dialysis knowing that she would die. She died 15 days after her last dialysis was done. She has been gone for just a little over a year.

    Two weeks after mom went, My best friends mom passed. I was involved with her care also from the day she went on hospice (2 days after my mom passed) to when she passed away. About a week later, my mother in law's cancer was getting the best of her and she passed a few weeks after. I was with her the night before trying to get her comfortable and the next morning until she passed that afternoon and until she was taken to the funeral home.

    I was severely burned out. I was lost and very sad and very hurt and filled with pain and confusion. BUT I will always be thankful for being able to e apart of their lives especially during something so incredible as a passing. I don't think death when you know it's coming has to be so devastating. Of course I WAS devastated but I also got to be with each one of them when they left this world.
    Each time it was peaceful and relaxing nd their was no pain or hurt.

    I am thankful for that and it's still hard to think about my mom more than anything but i KNOW i took care of each one of them and made sure they were in peace and not in pain.

  12. #37
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    My grandparents raised me. Last year we had a lot of trouble with my grandma. In the summer she was walking down the steps lost her balance broke two ribs and two vertebrae. She was in the hospital and freaked out thinking she was at home. She has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and they said it was just because she was in a different place and her mind couldn't comprehend where she was. She went into a rehab facility came home with a nurse and therapy team who had us put up rails for her. She was completely fine.

    Then in November her diabetic doctor wanted her to do an over night stay at a hospital to get all of her meds back on track. The rehab place likes to mess with meds there. So while at this hospital the kidney doctor saw how bad her feet were swollen and wouldn't release her (she's been in kidney failure for years). Her kidney levels dropped and they tried to restore them with meds and nothing was working. No choice but dialysis. She her first day she goes through all is well except they put her in a chair instead of her bed knowing she would be tired and weak after dialysis. So she tried to get up and go to bed, fell and broke her hip. Her overnight hospital stay has now been about a month at that point. She was freaking out at that hospital and the doctor said it was pain meds. She was transferred back to the rehab place and was doing great up walking hip was healed just working on her strength. The aides out there are so lazy! My grandpa and I were sponge bathing her since her catheter couldn't get wet. One day after dinner my gram got really sick so my pap put her to bed and we just thought she got the flu since it was really bad. At 6 am the rehab called she was unresponsive with good vitals and a fever of 104. She was taken to another hospital and found out the aides at the rehab wasn't taking any care to her catheter and it got infected. That hospital fixed it up and all was good but that set her back on her rehab progress. She just finally came home last Saturday and still needs a lot of rehab but we have her old at home therapist and nurse team back.

    We are suing the hospital that she fell at and my one aunt got the lawyer. So she tells my pap to sign papers and he does it. The one day he handed me some and here my aunt had him sign a power of attorney with our home address on it (yes I still live at home with them)! She claims it's just so the doctors will tell her info. Since the first fell with the broken ribs my aunt has wanted them out of the house so I'm very worried about this. She wants them out so I have to get out.

    My grandparents now sleep downstairs in the living room and last night my gram told me to sleep on the other couch which was really odd since I never had to before. So I asked thinking something happened while I was on vacation and she asked me if I don't sleep there where else would I sleep? I said in my bed and she just laughed saying oh I thought you was someone else.

  13. #38
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    I would have your atty. contact the Aunt and see if those papers are legal. My brother and I both had to be present, otherwise the atty. wouldn't do it They contact me and then I tell him. If your Aunt wanted to be informed she had only to ask. I'd be worried she will try to have them put into a home and then take the house.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  14. #39
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by White trash bitchy blonde View Post
    God, I can so relate to all of this. Taking care of people is extremely hard and it really does take a toll on you, I know it did me.

    Most people know my backstory as it is but my grandmother was never a grandma to me. She wasnt in my life for a very long time, her choice, not mine. She started talking to me a year or more before she started to go downhill. She started falling down and not able to do alot. She had parkinsons and it was pretty bad.
    She asked us to move in to take care of her. I was her only grandchild and no other relatives on her side besides me. Her and I were it besides my three boys. Anyways, she was mean, she was hateful and said terrible things and required so much of me. I couldnt finish college, I wasnt able to take my kids any places, I was a 24/7 maid/caregiver for a woman who didnt give a shit about me.
    She never wanted to go into a nursing home and this is why she wanted my husband and i to move in. I folllowed her wishes and she died in her home with my husband and i here with her. Right before she died, about 4 days or so, she told me how much she appreciated me and loved me. It made all those years worth it. It made all my anger and frustration go away.

    My mother relied on me to take her to dialysis 3 times a week, sometimes more. She was still young, 64. She had broken feet, walked on crutches, had seizures, out of control diabetic, i took care of her laundry, her groceries, her dr appt's. My mom decided to go off of dialysis knowing that she would die. She died 15 days after her last dialysis was done. She has been gone for just a little over a year.

    Two weeks after mom went, My best friends mom passed. I was involved with her care also from the day she went on hospice (2 days after my mom passed) to when she passed away. About a week later, my mother in law's cancer was getting the best of her and she passed a few weeks after. I was with her the night before trying to get her comfortable and the next morning until she passed that afternoon and until she was taken to the funeral home.

    I was severely burned out. I was lost and very sad and very hurt and filled with pain and confusion. BUT I will always be thankful for being able to e apart of their lives especially during something so incredible as a passing. I don't think death when you know it's coming has to be so devastating. Of course I WAS devastated but I also got to be with each one of them when they left this world.
    Each time it was peaceful and relaxing nd their was no pain or hurt.

    I am thankful for that and it's still hard to think about my mom more than anything but i KNOW i took care of each one of them and made sure they were in peace and not in pain.


    it makes me feel more normal to know I'm not the only one who has struggled with all of this. Sometimes it's about doing the right thing I guess.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  15. #40
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    I sometimes think the key to all of us getting through, this without going Kerplunk,is knowing it's okay to laugh. Yesterday was bowling day. Table top bowling, it's pretty competitive. I watched the entertainment people do their thing and I admire them so much. They have nicknames for everyone and running jokes. They cheer them on, poke at them a little, and remember stories to mention. God bless them.
    I know them well now. We all know each other's teams. To maintenance I am 'Detroit' my poor Lions They tease me and I poke at them. I admire anyone who chooses a life career of tending the elderly. I may live it but I didn't choose it.
    And those of you who tend in-home, God bless you.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  16. #41
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    It is hard work, no doubt about that and not everyone in your immediate circle may realize how you feel or how you are doing when you are taking care of others. It's not an easy job by any means. I was soewhat resentful because my kids were able to leave, my husband could go to work but i had to be readily available for who I waas caring for.

    It's not all roses at all but I got a lot of support from hospice, a few friends in my real life and also here. I just needed to vent sometimes other times I just needed to cry.

    All together, I am proud of how well I took care of my loved ones because I was meticulous in their care but I more thankful that I was able to be there for them at the end.

    It took time to get over my grandma. Her past was a mystery to me and she was bullheaded and just difficult but i still struggled for her to love me.

    The one that has hurt me the most and the one that i just can't get over yet is my mom. I can't let her go yet in my mind. It's very difficult.

    Make sure you have support and try to find some outlets where you can get away for just a little bit.

  17. #42
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    I'm almost glad this thread went into sleep mode. My mom is the same-ish, she's not going to improve and that's a bit hard to handle. She's having a bad summer and it will be a miracle if she sees Christmas but she's 89 soon and miserable. Her doctor told me a couple months at the most but she's a tough old bird so who knows. We cater to her because I think she deserves to be as happy as she can be and I reauthorized the morphine as needed for her pain. That's about it for an update. Every day is the same as the one before it. Updates from all of if you see this please.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  18. #43
    Senior Member ImBatman!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    I'm almost glad this thread went into sleep mode. My mom is the same-ish, she's not going to improve and that's a bit hard to handle. She's having a bad summer and it will be a miracle if she sees Christmas but she's 89 soon and miserable. Her doctor told me a couple months at the most but she's a tough old bird so who knows. We cater to her because I think she deserves to be as happy as she can be and I reauthorized the morphine as needed for her pain. That's about it for an update. Every day is the same as the one before it. Updates from all of if you see this please.
    Im sorry sweetie.....I am an odd bird, I can't wait to be an old. I have a man at my shelter right now who is 78! He reminds me of my gpa before he passed. I've taken a shine to him. He has a slew of case managers though which is good!
    I was talking to one of resident services supervisors yesterday who does street outreach. She said that what she is seeing more and more of is elderly folks on the street cause their social security does not cover them....sad.
    "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; They listen with the intent to reply." ~ anonymous
    "Keep calm and sing Soft Kitty"
    "it is what it is!"

  19. #44
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ImBatman! View Post
    Im sorry sweetie.....I am an odd bird, I can't wait to be an old. I have a man at my shelter right now who is 78! He reminds me of my gpa before he passed. I've taken a shine to him. He has a slew of case managers though which is good!
    I was talking to one of resident services supervisors yesterday who does street outreach. She said that what she is seeing more and more of is elderly folks on the street cause their social security does not cover them....sad.


    elderly care is a big buck business. I never saw it clearly before.
    I don't mind getting old. What my Mom is seems a little cruel. She's miserable, sickly, and her dementia is rolling downhill and picking up speed. But the worst thing is this .. she knows what is happening to her mind and she's skeered poopless. We can keep people alive longer but I do not want to be alive longer so I can spend that extra time being miserable. No one up at the home is truly happy. They hate that they cannot do anything for themselves. They hate being herded like cattle, and they really hate always being in pain. Right now my Mother is at the end of hope. She made her wishes clear, no hospitals again..ever This is ever for her. She's just getting more muddled and lost every day and whatever is making her sick is doing it slowly. She hurts. Inside and out. This sucks.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  20. #45
    Senior Member ImBatman!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    elderly care is a big buck business. I never saw it clearly before.
    I don't mind getting old. What my Mom is seems a little cruel. She's miserable, sickly, and her dementia is rolling downhill and picking up speed. But the worst thing is this .. she knows what is happening to her mind and she's skeered poopless. We can keep people alive longer but I do not want to be alive longer so I can spend that extra time being miserable. No one up at the home is truly happy. They hate that they cannot do anything for themselves. They hate being herded like cattle, and they really hate always being in pain. Right now my Mother is at the end of hope. She made her wishes clear, no hospitals again..ever This is ever for her. She's just getting more muddled and lost every day and whatever is making her sick is doing it slowly. She hurts. Inside and out. This sucks.
    Oh Marshmallow...I am so sorry. My gpa died of Alzheimer's a while ago and it was awful! At the onset he would just forget little things. That progressed into him accusing my gma of having affairs throughout their marriage and her stealing all his money and worldly possession even though those possession were right in front of him. It was very hard on my dad. He was used to seeing his father always be in total control. He passed at the age of 91 from the disease which we were all heartbroken by and also very relieved. His wife, my gma passed away last year at the age of 89. My gma was the person I totally looked up to. She got mean and cantankerous towards the end but still seemed to possess all the qualities I loved about her. I have no idea what possessed me to post about them I just know that my own folks are getting up in age and that since I live just a block away and my sister lives in Dallas that I am going to be the one to have to step in if something happens. Scares the dickens outta me! My parents are a very young 70 and 76. They still hike the mountain trail every morning with the dog!!

    And if anyone out there are praying folk....please say a prayer for all the elderly who do not have people in their lives like Marshmallow and WTBB. Too many of our elderly are ending up destitute and dying on the streets all over the country.
    "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; They listen with the intent to reply." ~ anonymous
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    "it is what it is!"

  21. #46
    Senior Member curiouscat's Avatar
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    I really hate family members that take advantage of other family members when they're ill.
    My husband's step-mother passed away from a rare brain aneurysm. She was 54 or so. Her spoiled son never lifted a finger to help, but he was glad to receive a $75,000 life insurance policy which helped him "pay" off his mortgage (or so he claimed on his popular blog). He's never had to pay off a mortgage in his life.

    My uncle is in his 50's and he lives with my grandmother. He doesn't have a job. Never married. I think they live off of her social security checks. He's the worst kind of leech! I don't know what will happen when my grandmother dies. I'm pretty sure my mom will not allow my dad to let leech live in their home.

  22. #47
    Senior Member marshmallow's Avatar
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    I never gave the end of this story. My Mom passed away on May 17, 2014. The last few weeks of her life were hell. Her mental illnesses and her dementia had a party and she screamed nonstop from the time she woke up until she fell asleep. WE kept her sedated the best we could because she acquired super strength and tried to walk. She also bit. A lot. Usually me. Her last coherent words were directed toward her minister of 25+ years, I had him come to visit while she was still somewhat with it and she stopped yelling long enough to look at him and say "what the hell do you want". She went into a coma and a week later passed. I miss her, I miss her crazy. She and my Dad now reside in boxes in our back bedroom. I'm waiting for my Brother to pull it together enough to bury their cremains. That may never happen. December 2014 my brother took a drunken header down his flight of stairs and suffered severe injury including neurological damage that will never heal. At this time he is a recovering alcoholic who does stumble occasionally but is trying his hardest. When the truth all came out earlier this year the extent of his lies and covering up made me cry. Ad it broke me heart to find out he'd spent all of Dad's life insurance on who knows what at a time when the Mr and I were struggling to pay Mom's expenses. Mom's golden child tarnished and quite badly but he's all that's left of my childhood family and I do love him. Who knew I'd turn out to be the strong one in the family and dare I same closest to normal.
    Marshmallow here is the one I liken to Ed Gein... Originally Posted by Heartbroken1


  23. #48
    Senior Member curiouscat's Avatar
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    My grandma has a Facebook page. I think she's 90. I haven't spoken to her in 10 years. I really dislike my dad's side of the family. Most of my immediate relatives could die and I wouldn't care. I found out in November that my aunt died in September. I only wanted to know how and why no one told me till I overheard a phone conversation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Boston Babe 73 View Post
    I don't have a thousand dollars hanging around to buy a fart in a jar lol.

  24. #49
    Senior Member KimTisha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
    I never gave the end of this story. My Mom passed away on May 17, 2014. The last few weeks of her life were hell. Her mental illnesses and her dementia had a party and she screamed nonstop from the time she woke up until she fell asleep. WE kept her sedated the best we could because she acquired super strength and tried to walk. She also bit. A lot. Usually me. Her last coherent words were directed toward her minister of 25+ years, I had him come to visit while she was still somewhat with it and she stopped yelling long enough to look at him and say "what the hell do you want". She went into a coma and a week later passed. I miss her, I miss her crazy. She and my Dad now reside in boxes in our back bedroom. I'm waiting for my Brother to pull it together enough to bury their cremains. That may never happen. December 2014 my brother took a drunken header down his flight of stairs and suffered severe injury including neurological damage that will never heal. At this time he is a recovering alcoholic who does stumble occasionally but is trying his hardest. When the truth all came out earlier this year the extent of his lies and covering up made me cry. Ad it broke me heart to find out he'd spent all of Dad's life insurance on who knows what at a time when the Mr and I were struggling to pay Mom's expenses. Mom's golden child tarnished and quite badly but he's all that's left of my childhood family and I do love him. Who knew I'd turn out to be the strong one in the family and dare I same closest to normal.
    I know this is old and it doesn't look like marshmallow posts much, but I could so relate to her story. I lost my 90yo father in March, it was a very long goodbye. I predicted his "last Christmas" four years in a row. I'm sorry for your loss.

    Also, WTBB: I had no idea. You are an amazing person.

    Quote Originally Posted by curiouscat View Post
    My grandma has a Facebook page. I think she's 90. I haven't spoken to her in 10 years. I really dislike my dad's side of the family. Most of my immediate relatives could die and I wouldn't care. I found out in November that my aunt died in September. I only wanted to know how and why no one told me till I overheard a phone conversation.
    I'm sorry. "Societal norms" tell us what a "family" is supposed to act like but it's rarely reality. I grew up like "Eight is Enough," large nuclear family, great memories. It wasn't until we were adults that the foundation cracked and two of my siblings decided to leave the family in a huge flurry of anger and accusations of hurt feelings. I'm serious, hurt feelings. They took a with-us-or-against-us stance and it's been 5 years since they've spoken to anyone in the family. It doesn't bother me, they were both drama queens and the family is much better without them IMO. But I feel badly for my elderly parents who were left reeling and never understood what happened. They reached out repeatedly and were rebuffed.
    You are talking to a woman who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.
    ...Collector of Chairs. Reader of Books. Hater of Nutmeg...

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    Senior Member curiouscat's Avatar
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    I haven't spoken to my grandmother since my uncle called me to curse me out. I was asking my grandmother if my fiance (now husband) and I could stay at her place for a couple of nights (like my family used to when I was a kid). She got upset for some reason, my uncle called me and cursed me out via voicemail. I couldn't stay there, my dad got them sick. Blah, blah.
    Now, this same uncle kicked out/put his mother in a nursing home so he and his gf could live in my grandmother's condo. This uncle has no idea how to take care of himself. He's always lived with a relative except when he tried to become a catholic priest. My grandmother hates the nursing home and wants someone to put her out of her misery.
    Gosh, I can't wait to get old.

    Another story about family fallout. My husband's stepmother passed away from a brain aneurysm/stroke. Her life insurance was supposed to be split 50/50. Her son received $75,000, the husband (my husband's dad) received $25,000. The son's family no longer speaks to us.

    A large family wasn't in the cards for me. My dad has three siblings. My mom has three siblings. I have a brother. My husband has a sister. I think my baby is going to be an only child. My husband will be 40 this year.
    My husband's dad had lots of siblings. My husband's mom has 6-7 siblings. They all live near each other so they gather together for birthdays, holidays, etc. Meanwhile, all my dad's family live in separate states and my mom's side lives in Japan.

    Sorry for the rambling.
    Quote Originally Posted by Boston Babe 73 View Post
    I don't have a thousand dollars hanging around to buy a fart in a jar lol.

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