Jessica Clem (39) died of breast cancer

[mialynneb]

What sucks more (jeez, I hope I'm not jinxing myself here ) is we have an unbelievable amount of trust. He's the only one I've ever trusted. So if he's out with his friends and is running late or not answering my texts, I never think "oh god, he's screwing around on me". Instead, I'm pacing the floors thinking "yup! He's dead in a ditch. I'm a fucking widow. OMG OMG OMG I gotta start planning a funeral."

I'm glad I'm not the only one. My mind never wanders to "What if he's cheating on me?!" I immediately go into "He's dead on the side of road somewhere and I'm in bed reading my book and he's suffering!" Then I hear the door and am torn between yelling at him for my insane brain or just hugging him that he's okay. Stupid brain.

Jessica is awesome, btw. I don't want to detract from this posting. Anyone that can have the outlook she had and have a FUN-eral - that says a lot about her and her outlook on life. Amazing woman. I hope her husband tells their son what an awesome mom he (has) had. Screw you, cancer.

[UncomfortablyNumb]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. My mind never wanders to "What if he's cheating on me?!" I immediately go into "He's dead on the side of road somewhere and I'm in bed reading my book and he's suffering!" Then I hear the door and am torn between yelling at him for my insane brain or just hugging him that he's okay. Stupid brain.

Jessica is awesome, btw. I don't want to detract from this posting. Anyone that can have the outlook she had and have a FUN-eral - that says a lot about her and her outlook on life. Amazing woman. I hope her husband tells their son what an awesome mom he (has) had. Screw you, cancer.

Sorry I wasn't trying to hi-jack the thread. I agree completely...what an amazing woman.

[nestlequikie]

Neener that is currently what I am doing. He has done horrible things to me, and is verbally abusive on a daily basis. My self-esteem has never been so low. However, I dunno if it's the self esteem that's keeping me around, or what. I just feel like I don't have the strength to leave.

You need to dig deep and find your inner strength and get away from him.

I would intensely dislike having another member added to the memorial section.

I don't think Jessica would mind me saying this to you in her thread.

[Ron_NYC]

You need to dig deep and find your inner strength and get away from him.

I would intensely dislike having another member added to the memorial section.

I don't think Jessica would mind me saying this to you in her thread.

She had a FUN-eral for crying out loud. She'd tell the girl to stop being a Debbie Downer.

[nestlequikie]

She had a FUN-eral for crying out loud. She'd tell the girl to stop being a Debbie Downer.

And then she'd tell her to leave his ass and move on!!

[neenerneener]

And how does one go about getting a woman to lose her mind and follow you around like that?

oh, ronald.

Neener that is currently what I am doing. He has done horrible things to me, and is verbally abusive on a daily basis. My self-esteem has never been so low. However, I dunno if it's the self esteem that's keeping me around, or what. I just feel like I don't have the strength to leave.

the thing is, he KNOWS your self-esteem is low, and he's doing everything in his power to keep it that way. he knows that the lower he keeps you, the less likely you are to walk away. you need to take that power back from him. it took me a long time, but i finally grew some balls and dumped my ex. 2 weeks later, i met my husband. he's awesome, hilarious, and treats me the way i deserve to be treated. and let me tell you, i am a handful. lol. i have aspergers, so i have a lot of quirks that aren't easy to deal with. he has taken it all in stride and supported me 100%. i still can't believe how lucky i am. <3

there's someone like that out there for you, too. i will lend you my balls, so you have the strength to leave the jerk you're with now.

[neenerneener]

And how does one go about getting a woman to lose her mind and follow you around like that?

You need to dig deep and find your inner strength and get away from him.

I would intensely dislike having another member added to the memorial section.

I don't think Jessica would mind me saying this to you in her thread.

all of this.

[Ron_NYC]

oh, Ronald

OK, maybe building my own is a bit too difficult. Where can I go and find these low-self-esteem chicks ready to use?

[neenerneener]

OK, maybe building my own is a bit too difficult. Where can I go and find these low-self-esteem chicks ready to use?

the internet. thats where my ex found me.

[Ron_NYC]

the internet. thats where my ex found me.

Could you be more specific, please?

[Cat Pajamas]

what is it about him that makes you love him that way? i'm super in love with my husband, but its not to the point of all that. lol. maybe because i don't get attached to people that easily? there are some people who take it too far....staying with someone who's a habitual cheater, puts them down, is sneaky, etc. i used to have that mentality where i'd stay through anything, but not anymore. fuck that shit. for me, it was like one day i woke up and just thought *uh. wtf am i doing? no. nonono.* and that was it.

Who freaking knows. I mean, you guys know how shitty it was there for awhile when we weren't together (ugh, makes my stomach hurt) but there's just no way I could have turned him away once he decided to come back. I don't know why or how that works. I mean, I'm glad it worked out that way because we're both genuinely happy. We were actually talking about it a few weeks ago, whether starting off our relationship so shitty was advantageous or detrimental. Where we're at now, it seems like there isn't much that could happen in the future that would be a hell of a lot worse than what we already went through, so maybe we just have a head start. I have no idea.

[UncomfortablyNumb]

oh, ronald.



the thing is, he KNOWS your self-esteem is low, and he's doing everything in his power to keep it that way. he knows that the lower he keeps you, the less likely you are to walk away. you need to take that power back from him. it took me a long time, but i finally grew some balls and dumped my ex. 2 weeks later, i met my husband. he's awesome, hilarious, and treats me the way i deserve to be treated. and let me tell you, i am a handful. lol. i have aspergers, so i have a lot of quirks that aren't easy to deal with. he has taken it all in stride and supported me 100%. i still can't believe how lucky i am. <3

there's someone like that out there for you, too. i will lend you my balls, so you have the strength to leave the jerk you're with now.

Thank you NQ, and Neener. You guys are incredibly sweet. I have borderline personality disorder so I am very mood swingy and make irrational, shitty decisions on a whim so I think a lot of it for me is worrying that no one will be able to deal with me either, cuz I am also a handful. But you give me hope, and thank you for lending me a good, solid pair of balls!