I had a friend pass away last night

[PatSmith]

Sooooo, I get this really weird voice mail from a friends boyfriend today to call them back because they want to ask me something very important. I really HATE messages like that because I always feel like I did something wrong and they are about to point the finger at me. Come to find out that they were calling because he was looking for pallbearers for his brothers' funeral. I'm like......WHAT?!?!?! You can call me for this but NOT call me to tell me that your brother has been sick for over a month and that he has cancer bad? I am totally stuck with what I should or shouldn't do at this point? This is someone that I have known for the past 10 years, I am crying because I wans't there for them and that I simply didn't know what was going on.

[FloobaToob]

Now is your chance to be there for them. They wouldn't ask you to do it if they didn't think something of you.

Don't hold it against them that they didn't tell you he was sick.

Sorry for your loss.

[PatSmith]

Thought that maybe some of you guys on here would be able to help me out.

[leapfreak]

Thought that maybe some of you guys on here would be able to help me out.

I'm confused as to what you need help with. I agree with everything flooba said.

I'm sorry about your friend

[PatSmith]

Thanks Flooba but I know the main reason why it wasn't mentioned around where I live. He was gay and wasn't accepted in the town I live in. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years but had I known he was sick, I would have visited with him and let him known that I WAS one of his friends and that I cared and thought about him. I just don't know what to do at this point because I have other obligations with my job the day of his funeral and am so upset about it all.

[PatSmith]

The person who passed was a good but not very close friend of mine. I am scheduled to go out of town with my job for a week but I get "this" call about needing pallbearers because he didn't really have alot of family and so forth. I'm stumped????

[leapfreak]

Thanks Flooba but I know the main reason why it wasn't mentioned around where I live. He was gay and wasn't accepted in the town I live in. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years but had I known he was sick, I would have visited with him and let him known that I WAS one of his friends and that I cared and thought about him. I just don't know what to do at this point because I have other obligations with my job the day of his funeral and am so upset about it all.

You shouldn't feel bad about not being there. If no one told you then how were you supposed to know. Like flooba said, now is your chance to be there for them. You obviously meant something to them for them to ask you to attend.

Would going make you feel better? It might give you some closure. Do you have time to think about it? You might be more able to make a decision once the initial shock wears off.

[FloobaToob]

Leap has a good point, how long do you to let it soak in? Will work be difficult? I'm guessing it's likely you will regret not going, and that won't wear off quickly.

[FloobaToob]

Again, don't beat yourself up about not seeing him and not knowing he was ill. It's not uncommon for people to keep cancer quiet.

[PatSmith]

I'm pretty much f*cked when it comes to my job, it's not like it was family so I can't just ask for it off. But yet I feel privalaged (sp?) to be asked and that knowing that he didn't have alot of friends or I guess family that cared for him and for me to be asked???

[FloobaToob]

All of that aside, do you want to do it?

[leapfreak]

I'm pretty much f*cked when it comes to my job, it's not like it was family so I can't just ask for it off. But yet I feel privalaged (sp?) to be asked and that knowing that he didn't have alot of friends or I guess family that cared for him and for me to be asked???

That's a good way to look at it. Maybe try and focus on that. It is a privilege to be asked. It shows that you meant something.

[PatSmith]

Thanks Floob and Leap, I think the inital shock is still there followed by the "why's" of his brother and family and why no one was told. Do I want to be there? YES, but I think that I will just send a flower arraingment (sp?) and a card of sympathy, my job is important to me and I am doing this out of town thing as an appreation (sp?) to the company I work for. I do feal really bad about not being there and so forth but maybe it's my fault for not being "in touch" with my friends. Maybe this is a wake up call for EVERYONE that has friends that they haven't talked to in a while?

[PatSmith]

R.I.P. Marty..........Love ya

http://hooffuneralhome.com/detail10.php?recordID=222
Martin T. "Marty" Nevins, age 48, of Reedsburg, died on Wednesday, June 20, 2012 in the Reedsburg Area Medical Center. He was born on November 17, 1963 in Hillsboro, the son of Thomas and Monica (Stanek) Nevins. Marty attended Webb High School in Reedsburg. He enjoyed making jewelry, cooking, horses, keeping up with the latest fashions and was a great dancer. Survivors include his mother: Monica Nevins, of Reedsburg; his brother: Ron Nevins, and his fiancée, Missy, of Reedsburg; his nephew: Jacob Nevins; two aunts: Angela Marshall, of Reedsburg and Mary Ellen (Jim) Baham, of Nevada; other relatives and friends. He was preceded in death by his father; his grandparents; three uncles: Clarence, James and George Stanek; and one aunt: Mildred Steckel. Funeral services will be conducted at 11:00 A.M. on Monday, June 25, 2012 at the Hoof Funeral Home in Reedsburg with Deacon Tom Hale officiating. Interment will be in Calvary Cemetery. The family will receive friends from 5:00 P.M. to 7:00 P.M. on Sunday at the funeral home. The Hoof Funeral Home is serving the family.