Terry Joe (TJ) Volner (22) slit a 4 yo boy's throat and sent photos to his own mother to prove it

[poppy213]

So by reading the obituary his father is engaged to someone else and NOT the mom's boyfriend. So why did he go after the boy?

[bowieluva]

I'm guessing the boy was just the nearest available male he could vent his frustration through.

[zeebee]

[k_bass]

Love letters from Volner to the boy's mother were found in the home where the killing took place.

it says in the original article there were love letters between Volner and the baby's mother inside the home.

Just for clarification.

[wmdeeznuts]

There are some good points being made defending mom. For instance, the situation may have started out fairly normal, but then the guy started coming on strong and made it really awkward. Meanwhile, mom still has to make it to work on time and make sure her kids are looked after. In a situation like that it would be difficult to just boot the babysitter out and start over. Not that it would be impossible, but that scenario would be harder than just turning a blind eye to it and hoping things work themselves out.

What we don't know is what types of love letters, text messages, and phone calls were being exchanged leading up to the murder. Maybe the guy got offended at something she said and the situation quickly escalated out of control.

[poppy213]

Some young girls are not good at confrontation, also. That whole people pleasing thing. She might have found it difficult to straight up kick him out?

I do know that some childcare places cost almost as much as your bringing home. I remember being quoted more than my take home pay for the month for part-time care!

[wmdeeznuts]

It's especially difficult with guys like this, who are obviously ignorant, immature, and vindictive. Because they won't just take the hint and move on with their lives once you tell them you don't like them and they need hit the road.

And when you are talking about free childcare for multiple children, that's hundreds of dollars a WEEK you are saving.

But then there is the question of why/how she was affiliated with the killer in the first place. Was this guy coming around because he was initially a "romantic interest"? Mom obviuosly doesn't have good taste in men if that is the case.

[zeebee]

Some young girls are not good at confrontation, also. That whole people pleasing thing. She might have found it difficult to straight up kick him out?

Guys lie too. I have had the unfortunate experience of being told by a guy that he was totally fine with being just friends after he confessed his attraction to me, and I told him that I wanted to be just friends. Everything seemed OK, and then one day, he just lost it and called me names, said that I lied, went off, etc. Totally out of the blue. I tried to talk to him about it, how he had said that he was totally OK with being friends, and I took his word at that. He said, basically, that I was a bitch because I should not have believed him. So, I'm a bitch because he lied to me.

Yeah, we're not friends anymore.

[bowieluva]

The easiest way to defend the mother is to simply point out that she was working to support her family and did not slit her kid's throat, and doesn't need to defend herself.

[poppy213]

Guys lie too. I have had the unfortunate experience of being told by a guy that he was totally fine with being just friends after he confessed his attraction to me, and I told him that I wanted to be just friends. Everything seemed OK, and then one day, he just lost it and called me names, said that I lied, went off, etc. Totally out of the blue. I tried to talk to him about it, how he had said that he was totally OK with being friends, and I took his word at that. He said, basically, that I was a bitch because I should not have believed him. So, I'm a bitch because he lied to me.

Yeah, we're not friends anymore.

Hot damn, if he was that bad NOT dating him, how bad would he be if you had!

[wmdeeznuts]

Nobody's saying that the mom is guilty of conspiracy to commit murder. It goes without saying that Terry is the killer and solely responsible for what he did.

Putting that issue aside, we can look at mom and her decisions leading up to the murder. At a very young age she chose to allow herself to get pregnant 4 times. Bad choice. She chose to let a young male with a criminal record take care of her children. Bad choice. She allowed a man who expressed physical and romantic feelings towards her to remain intimately involved in her life, despite not feeling the same way towards him. Again, bad choice.

The fact that she is the family member of a murder victim is tragic, but it does not excuse her from being a bad person.

[Nancy Drew]

Nobody's saying that the mom is guilty of conspiracy to commit murder. It goes without saying that Terry is the killer and solely responsible for what he did.

Putting that issue aside, we can look at mom and her decisions leading up to the murder. At a very young age she chose to allow herself to get pregnant 4 times. Bad choice. She chose to let a young male with a criminal record take care of her children. Bad choice. She allowed a man who expressed physical and romantic feelings towards her to remain intimately involved in her life, despite not feeling the same way towards him. Again, bad choice.

The fact that she is the family member of a murder victim is tragic, but it does not excuse her from being a bad person.

Yes, because bad choices = bad person.

[bowieluva]

Oh my god. Shut up. You can do that to every single person on earth. No one can predict the behavior of someone when it results in something like this.

[bowieluva]

I hope you never picked the wrong chapter in a choose your own adventure book, wmdeez

[McMama]

Nobody's saying that the mom is guilty of conspiracy to commit murder. It goes without saying that Terry is the killer and solely responsible for what he did.

Putting that issue aside, we can look at mom and her decisions leading up to the murder. At a very young age she chose to allow herself to get pregnant 4 times. Bad choice. She chose to let a young male with a criminal record take care of her children. Bad choice. She allowed a man who expressed physical and romantic feelings towards her to remain intimately involved in her life, despite not feeling the same way towards him. Again, bad choice.

The fact that she is the family member of a murder victim is tragic, but it does not excuse her from being a bad person.

Why are you trying so hard to make this out to be the mother's fault?
I'm confused.

[wmdeeznuts]

It's her fault because every mom in the world knows you don't let men babysit your kids. Sure, maybe a handful actually trust guys enough to do that, like the woman I sit for. But obviously she is positive that I'm an upstanding guy and wouldn't just let any dude off the street around her children.

But this girl was oblivious to not only common sense, but the OBVIOUS warning signs of a potentially dangerous person and an extremely unhealthy living sitauation. And a child died as an indirect result of this series of bad choices made by mom. That is why she is at fault, imo. Not for murder, but for being a BAD MOTHER.

[Natasha_XO]

Are you retarded? I'm fucking serious. I have two children that are beyond loved and adored. And ya know what? Last weekend my friend Dan visited, and Dan watched Millie and Avi while we went to pick up bagels. They managed to not get their throats slit, and not get raped. I have several male friends that are close with my babies. Get the fuck out of here.

[bowieluva]

It's her fault because every mom in the world knows you don't let men babysit your kids. Sure, maybe a handful actually trust guys enough to do that, like the woman I sit for. But obviously she is positive that I'm an upstanding guy and wouldn't just let any dude off the street around her children.

But this girl was oblivious to not only common sense, but the OBVIOUS warning signs of a potentially dangerous person and an extremely unhealthy living sitauation. And a child died as an indirect result of this series of bad choices made by mom. That is why she is at fault, imo. Not for murder, but for being a BAD MOTHER.

No, and this is the dumbest thing and shockingly sexist. You're an idiot and everything you say in these two paragraphs just reflects your overwhelming ignorance.

[bowieluva]

This child died from a direct choice of a psycho slitting his throat. No mystery. End of story.

[zeebee]

Hot damn, if he was that bad NOT dating him, how bad would he be if you had!

No joke. I dodged a bullet!

[zeebee]

Ha ha ha, he always does this. He's either a troll or he is mind numbingly stupid. Maybe both!

[Nancy Drew]

Wait, didn't you say like two posts ago that you are a man who babysits kids?

[Nic B]

It's her fault because every mom in the world knows you don't let men babysit your kids. Sure, maybe a handful actually trust guys enough to do that, like the woman I sit for. But obviously she is positive that I'm an upstanding guy and wouldn't just let any dude off the street around her children.

But this girl was oblivious to not only common sense, but the OBVIOUS warning signs of a potentially dangerous person and an extremely unhealthy living sitauation. And a child died as an indirect result of this series of bad choices made by mom. That is why she is at fault, imo. Not for murder, but for being a BAD MOTHER.

Do you tell the mother of the children you sit for that she shouldn't ever let a man babysit her kids? What an idiotic and hypocritical thing for you to do.

[wmdeeznuts]

Tried to check on google to see what others think about mom's letting men babysit their kids. Most of the results just lead to joke sites. But there were a few that actually addressed the issue seriously. From what I read, more people than not said that gender shouldn't be an issue. But you could tell that these were sanctimonious posts where people were trying to act all high and mighty by pointing out others for being sexist.

Even if you are willing to overlook the gender issue, the killer was a convicted felon and just got out of prison. Had he been a woman, it would've been just as bad to let him babysit. Fortunately, Terry will get his chance to be a woman in prison, probably for many years.

[bowieluva]

Considering all of us are women, I would say you lost.