View Poll Results: Also, please vote for what you cherish more from your deceased loved one

Voters
35. You may not vote on this poll
  • Old texts or email

    2 5.71%
  • Handwritten letters/artifacts

    13 37.14%
  • Voice or video recordings

    7 20.00%
  • Online memorial page (Facebook)

    1 2.86%
  • Personal possession/heirloom/gift

    12 34.29%
Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

  1. #1
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    Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    I am undertaking research about online communication technologies and their potential in helping people grieve. After losing my mother to cancer recently, I was overwhelmed among other things to find that a majority of my friends and family used e-mail, social networking sites such as Facebook, and SMS text messaging to express their grief and sympathy. It is a growing trend, and I am interested to survey other bereaved people to learn of their experiences. Perhaps more importantly, I am curious how the bereaved themselves cope with or without these technologies.

    There are 12 questions below with no right or wrong answers. You can respond or reply however you feel comfortable. I appreciate and value everybody's opinions and feelings equally. If you prefer to email your response, please send them to me at danielkiwa@gmail.com. Please answer with as much detail as you feel comfortable disclosing. I thank you for what you share and I will make all disclosures anonymous. In other words, I will not publish your names or other personally identifying details.

    For information on ethics or details of my research please visit http://i.imgur.com/NoUsW.png

    Kindest regards

    Daniel


    1. How old are you?



    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?



    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?



    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?



    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?



    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?



    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.



    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?



    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?



    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.



    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?



    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.



    Thank you again for sharing your story with me.

  2. #2
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    Just so you know a bit about me - I cherish copies of my mum's (I'm Australian) handwriting. She had this really bulbous style - graffiti-esque. I just love that it seems current - like she wrote it yesterday. She died 3 years ago to cancer - It was the most significant loss I have experienced. I am 26 and I am studying an MA. I also have emails that she sent me but somehow these don't capture a trace of her the way her handwriting does. I have been looking into online grieving and memorialization for sometime and If you feel comfortable maybe sharing some stories that would be greatly appreciated. Of course you're are not obligated. I hope to hear from you

  3. #3
    The Dude abides. strmmrgrrl's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    1. How old are you?
    39


    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?
    I actually have three – my pops, my sister and my grandmother, in that order.  My pops was only about two years ago.


    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?
    I had tons of emails from my pops but my computer crashed and I lost them all.  My pops didn’t text, :lol:


    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?
    Did not receive sympathy texts but did receive a lot of notes via MDS/MySpace/Facebook


    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?
    Yes.  Honestly not sure how important they are as they are still sitting in my trunk.  Probably important as I haven’t thrown them out yet I haven’t had the heart to read through them again.


    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?
    We have an online memorial through the obituary.  It was nice to see “tributes” to him where anyone perusing by could see how loved and awesome he was.  But yeah, very important because when my Uncle renewed it ($$) a week before it was to expire I was tremendously relieved.


    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.
    Bittersweet, actually.  Sweet because I like to have a “part of him” that I can hold and look at.  Proof that he existed.  Bitter because it’s a list of songs he wanted me to download for him and I procrastinated :(


    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?
    A phone voice message is probably more important because while I can keep the words they spoke or wrote in my memory, for some reason I tend to forget the sound of my loved one’s voice.


    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?
    Messages from friends because it’s comforting to know people have your back and are there for you and also that you’re not alone.  That at least half your friends have been through the same thing and you have a newfound “kinship” and someone to talk to that actually understands what you’re going through.


    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.
    MDS/MySpace/Facebook for the reasons noted above.  The general support and love as well as support/advice from those that have been through it as well.


    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?
    Nope.  Had all I needed in MDS/MySpace/Facebook <3


    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.
    I’m not sure about grief forums but memorials are nice because it’s great to share and possibly see/hear the wonderful things people have to say about your loved one and to hear stories about that loved one you may not have heard before.  Or to hear how they affected other peoples lives.  In addition to the small memorial site on Legacy.com I try to post as many pics on Facebook of my pops as I want to share him with everyone and because I want everyone to “know” him as much as possible.  Because he was pretty fucking awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Getting arrested for coke in Vegas is like being found eating a chocolate bar in the willy wonka factory.

  4. #4
    The Dude abides. strmmrgrrl's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    :2angry: Damn Internet!
    Quote Originally Posted by bowieluva View Post
    Getting arrested for coke in Vegas is like being found eating a chocolate bar in the willy wonka factory.

  5. #5
    Senior Member rosebuddy's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn


    1. How old are you?
    - i'm on the high end of 28.

    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?
    - my mother passed away unexpectedly when i was 15. She got sick on a monday night and was gone by wednesday afternoon. She had sjogrens syndrome and died from pneumonia. She was 36.

    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?
    - email was just becoming mainstream back in 96/97, so i don't think my mother ever emailed me, and we definitely weren't using cell phones either, at that time. however, i would love to have any sort of record of my mother's most mundane thoughts, via email or text.

    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?
    i would imagine that that would be the norm, now, but then, it was phone calls and actual cards/letters in the mail. i can't really imagine how much importance i would place on text/email condolences, in terms of them being something i would want to keep. not that i wouldn't appreciate it, but it doesn't strike me as comforting to refer back to them. 


    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?
    - there's a box of them somewhere at my grandparent's house. i stumbled across them a few years ago and it brought me right back to that time. so, while it was comforting to be reminded just how much people loved my mother, it also brought up the rawness of her passing and that's not something i want to visit very often.


    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?
    - for a current death? yes. it would be nice to have a place for all mourners/friends/family to share their memories and photos. no one talks about her anymore, and it sucks.

    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.
    - i have a birthday card, and my baby book. both talk about just how much she loved me and while i already know that, it's nice to see it in her handwriting.

    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?
    - a phone message would be just as valuable as a note, because you get to hear their voice, instead of just trying to re-create it in your mind. i don't have any emails or voice messages, but we do have one video with her in it and it kind of feels like she's hugging me when i can see her and hear her. if i had to choose between more video/voice messages or more hand-written notes, i'd definitely choose the video/voice messages because it's too easy to forget the sound of someone's voice.

    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?
    - nothing else.  we weren't a very media-friendly family, as we were basically always together.

    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.
    - this wasn't around much when it happened, but i think it would make things easier to deal with because everyone would know what was going on. the worst was having to go back to school and explain why i had been out of school for a few days, to my friends and teachers. the more often i had to explain, the harder it was for me to deal with because the look of pity on everyone's faces was just too much to handle. these days, i could text a few friends and then update on facebook, with what happened, funeral information, etc, and it wouldn't have to be a face-to-face thing.

    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?
    - i wish i had found some. i was just learning how to use the internet, and i didn't know what was out there. i feel like i could have been more honest about my feelings, if i could have shared my feelings and thoughts and questions anonymously. finding others in similar situations would have made me feel like less of a weirdo, being the only kid in school with a dead parent. instead, i was forced to talk to the school counselor three times a week, and i wasn't ready to talk, so i learned how to suppress it all.

    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.
    - it's hard to feel like they're relevant to me now, because it has been so long and my grief is no longer raw and is on the way to tolerable. i have come to accept that my mother won't be coming back just as i accept that i will never have a unicorn. i empathize with others because i know what it feels like, but i can never really identify with anyone else's story.

    she was so great. :)

    good luck with your project!


  6. #6
    Lionfish Whisperer PCP777's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    1. How old are you?  45



    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?  My father's death



    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?
    No. There were none.


    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?
    No. There were none.


    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?
    No. There were none.


    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?
    No.


    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.
    Yes. They remind me of him.


    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?
    No. There were none. So hand written notes, be default, become more valued.


    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?
    No. There were none.



    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.
    Blogging about his death and it's imapct on me was helpful as an emotional outlet.


    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?
    I never did.


    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.
    No value to me.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Feetprints's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    1. How old are you?
    31



    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?
    Both my grandfathers are dead. One when I was 18, one just over a year ago.


    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?
    There weren't any. I do have emailed pics of my grandfather that passed last year just sitting in my inbox but they weren't sent by him, he had alzheimer's by the time email became common place in rural SE Kentucky.


    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?
    Nope. My cousin and I talked on facebook the night he died but I didn't save the conversation or anything.


    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?
    Never got any.


    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?
    No. I have never visited my grandfathers graves since they've been buried. It's nice if that's comforting to other people but to me they're not there, so what's the point? Online memorial, I might visit but it wouldn't be all that important to me.


    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.
    Sadly, no. Grandpa on mom's side usually had granny do all the writing, and grandpa on dad's side dropped out in grammar school to work so writing wasn't his strong point and he rarely did any.


    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?
    Never had VM or notes from either. They weren't big phone talkers.


    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?
    No.


    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.
    I learned of grandpa #2's death via my cousin on facebook and got a lot of sympathy on this forum. It was nice but I wouldn't say it effected how I grieved either way. I had known it was coming for a long time.


    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?
    Does this forum count? I was on here probably within an hour or so after I found out my grandpa had passed. It's because I have friends here.


    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.
    Meh. I would've dealt with it about the same either way, I think.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ron_NYC View Post
    SMH. White people! Always trying to help and shit.

  8. #8
    Senior Member krazegirl's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    1. How old are you?  29



    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life? My boyfriend was murdered



    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them? I wish I lost the phone they were in. :(



    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you? I still have emails from his family. And yes they are special to me.



    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not? Yes I still have the cards and they mean a lot to me.



    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one? Yes I like to be able to look at pictures and family memories online. His grave is in another state and it is hard to get there.



    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you. No I dont



    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why? Would be if I had it.



    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you? He didnt have a fb or a myspace



    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.  It is nice to remember the day with his family and friends online.



    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this? Um dont think I went to a grief forum.



    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain. I like memorial sites for family and friends to talk.


    ron_nyc: I don't like the black ones much.

  9. #9
    ballet, bitches! verysad2see's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    You use the term "loved one" and my experience is a bit different, as I didn't meet this person until right before they died, but I don't know anyone else in my situation, so it might be of use. You can read more about my experience in the Introduction thread, but the abridged version was is that Gay Pride 2008, I found myself in a "Good Samaritan" situation where the victim I was trying to help, a stranger, died regardless of my efforts. She was my age, and it fucked me up for a while.

    [quote author=biscuittin link=topic=27254.msg1728759#msg1728759 date=1286208117]
    1. How old are you? 23



    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?
    Gay Pride 2008 I literally tripped over a girl dying over an overdose in the streets. I lifted her over the barricade, got her out of the crowd to somewhere safe, and then watched as she died while the ambulance struggled to get through the drunk crowd.


    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them? N/A



    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you? Yes, Yes, Yes.



    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not? N/A



    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one? Yes, and she did have an online memorial for about a year.



    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you. N/A



    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why? N/A



    N/A



    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain. MDS and depressionforums.com helped me come to terms with the fact that I had survivors guilt and did more than most people did, even if I could not save her from dying.


    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this? About a year. And because nobody understood what it was like and I didn't know anyone else who had been in the same situation.



    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain. Very. This is the only place I can open up about what happened that night.


    [/quote]

    That might not help you at all, or it might.

  10. #10
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    Wow, thank you for sharing these stories. verysad2see, I really feel for you and get that it must have been difficult without anybody (with a similar experience) with which you could share your story. This must also be the case for you krazegirl - it is so unjust and cruel to have lost somebody so precious in such circumstances. I am really grateful to all of you for these responses.

  11. #11
    senior cunt emmieslost's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    1. How old are you?
    30



    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?
    i dunno.  my friend ratt i think.  though its hard to put him in front of my dads.  he probably played a more significant role in my life as a whole.



    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?
    i keep lots of emails.  i have some from my dad.  i just suck at deleting things.


    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?
    i just write letters here in the dear so and so threads.


    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?
    no.


    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?
    no.  i love visiting graves.


    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.
    i have some of my old poetry that my dad tried to make into songs...or something i'm not really sure what all the scrawling is.  i'm not even sure how he got a hold of all my old poetry so i kept it.


    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?
    i don't think so?  i don't know how to answer this i guess.  i guess a hand-written note would be more personal.



    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?
    nope. 


    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.
    mds gives me a place to remember and write about people i want to remember.  its therapeutic.



    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?
    i guess it was a few years after ratt and some of the others.  but fuck me, they just keep dying left and right.


    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.
    i've been on this site for almost a decade.  sometimes i wish it wasn't so 'important' and i could just 'get over it.' but it seems to be easier said than done.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Trahnse's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    My Dad's death was most significant in my life, but he passed long before texting, email and internet use was commonplace; I chose my second most significant loss which was more recent.

    1. How old are you?
    34


    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?
    My bestest internet friend whom I met through online gaming


    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?
    Yes, I kept private messages from a gaming message board that he sent me. I like to go back and read them every once in awhile when I am really missing him.


    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?
    A few messages on Facebook, I didn't save them though. They were your typical "sorry for your loss" messages


    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?
    N/A


    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?
    Physical memorials don't have as much meaning to me, because I know he's not there. Online memorials would be more important because it's easier to share with others what kind of person he was and how much he meant to me through pictures, posts or emails.

    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.
    no


    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?
    I would value hand-written notes or voice mails much more than email if I had them. They are much more personal than typed letters on a screen. One can really connect with their loved one through handwriting and hearing their voice.


    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?
    no


    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.
    When he died, the gaming forum we were a part of all felt a terrible loss. He was much loved by the entire community, and we all were able to share memories and grieve with each other.


    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?
    I did not partake in online grief forums. I felt that grieving with my fellow gamers who knew him was what I needed.


    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.
    They are not important to me. I preferred to grieve with people I know.. whether it be online or in real life.


    Rip Kasim.. still missing j00 

  13. #13
    Senior Member andrea0121's Avatar
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    1. How old are you?

    31


    2. What has been the most significant bereavement in your life?

    My brother (now I'm an only child).

    3. Have you kept any SMS text messages and/or Emails from your deceased loved one? If so, how and why did you store them?

    He sent out a text to several people (myself included) 2 days before he died.  It was a text-forward type of deal, but considering he died 2 days later, it held a whole lot of meaning after the fact.  I stored it in my phone, until I changed phones.  I also kept his number in my phone until then.  I saved whatever texts I had from him as well.  The final text he sent out, my mom typed out and laminated the message for several people to carry in their wallets.



    4. Did any friends or family email or send SMS text messages expressing their sympathy as a preferred method of initial contact about your loss? Did you attempt to store them? Are they special to you?

    I had a couple friends/ex's text me their sympathies.  I didn't attempt to store them, and no they weren't particularly special.

    5. Do you still have your sympathy cards from friends and family? Are they important to you? Why/why not?

    I do have whatever sympathy cards were given specifically to me.  My mom has all of the others.  I have a keepsake box with little trinkets of his, a Duke baseball cap that he was wearing when he passed (smells like him) and his In Memoriam cards in that box.

    6. Even if you don't have an online memorial, would an online memorial be just as important to you as the place of burial of your deceased loved one?

    We still have a tribute to him through the funeral home's website, it was nice to see comments from people - however, I don't think it holds the same significance (not necessarily importance) as where he's buried.

    7. Do you have handwritten letters from your loved one? Please share why these are special to you.

    I just found one several months ago actually.  I was going through some paperwork from my old house, my brother lived with me for several months there.  It was a letter saying he was going to run out and that he'd be right back.  I cried obviously.  My brother didn't leave much behind so even the smallest things are a gift.  I ended up giving it to my mom to keep.


    8. Is an email or phone voice message from a now deceased loved just as valuable to you as a hand-written note from them? Can you explain what you might value more and why?

    I had a voicemail stored from him that I kick myself for letting get deleted.  It said "ANSWER YOUR PHONE, SON" and I can just picture his mannerisims as he said it.  That was more important to me than his little note.  It was his voice, sadly it's fading from my memory and it'll only be 3 years that he's gone in January.  I remember that voicemail vividly though. 


    9. Have you kept or stored any other letters or messages such as Facebook messages from friends/family or your loved one? What about them or it is special to you?

    I haven't kept anything from family members, however, the only reason I keep my myspace open is because he's my friend on it and I can go look at his picture or stuff he put up on his profile.  I don't know if I've ever shared his myspace link on MDS before:  www.myspace.com/218843029


    10. How did Email/SMS text messaging/forum participation or Facebook (or similar) have an effect on how you coped with your grief? If one or more or even none helped, please explain.

    Myspace at the time.  I rambled on his like he could read it.  That's about it, it didn't really help me in the grieving process....I don't think.


    11. How soon after your bereavement did you access online grief forums? Why did you choose to do this?

    I didn't access online grief forums.  I think I asked for prayers here (as I don't really frequent any other forums) and that was the extent of reaching out.

    12. How important are online grieving sites such as memorial websites or grief forums to you? Please explain.

    Memorial websites are a nice thing to have, I didn't really fall back on it though. Everyone is different.  I can only answer for myself and say that it's nice to have but wasn't huge in my grieving process.



  14. #14
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    Re: Please help death researcher out if you have some time to burn

    Thankyou for sharing andrea, Trahnse and emmieslost... Andrea I visited your brothers Myspace account and it was nice to get a very real sense of who he was and how he loved his family. I am grateful that you could open that door for me and others, and although it is sad - I felt quite welcome and warm on there because of your lovely comments and messages to him.

    You are all so inspiring and I am eternally grateful !!

    Daniel

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