Movie reviews by a sick twisted alien creature (me).

[zerg]

I've got several movies to review in this first batch, so here we go -

As a note, if you're interested in watching any of these flicks I found all of these torrents on www.demonoid.com

Dirty Work

This is an older flick I really enjoy, I've seen it before but I wanted to grab it to reminisce. Norm MacDonald here, in all of his glory. Him and a friend, who is played by Artie Lang team up and start a 'revenge for hire' business. So basically, they get paid to play pranks on people. There's no real redeeming social commentary or any of that garbage in this movie, but there IS a scene where norm ruins a live tv commercial for a car dealership by making it look like the cars all have dead hookers in the trunks.

If you've seen Norm on SNL then you'll recognize a lot of the same jokes in this movie, but that isn't a bad thing. Remembering Norm say 'crack whore' and then stare into the camera for 15 seconds is worth the price of admission. However, if you haven't seen Norm on SNL you probably won't appreciate this movie as much.

Rating: 4 tentacles up (+2 modifier for previous norm exposure)

[Allied Forces Unite]

i gotta be honest with you here, norm was my least fave. of the news "anchors" on SNL, i thought some of his shit was funny, but his stint on SNL was short lived, and i liked the other stuff he did (though very little).  But you had me at dead hookers in a trunk, I'm renting the movie through netflix as soon as i can.  and if it's not good, you're out of the penis manwich!

[NeoNinja]

Yes, while engaging in a hot manwich, you have to be funny....or else i ruins the mood

[zerg]

next up we have

Mad Max and its sequal The Road Warrior (double review)

First up, Mad Max. Unfortunately, I think I got the usa version of this movie, which has a lot of the thick australian accents dubbed over. I noticed a few times where it seemed like the audio wasn't quite synched to the lips. I enjoy watching movies in their original form, and wtf guys, they speak english, you don't need to dub them! Anyways, this flick is about a highway pursuit cop who gets pushed to the brink of insanity from the job, contemplates retirement, and then fate deals him a cruel hand that forces him over the edge. Thats about as much plot as the movie really has.. what the movie is really about is a man alone on the road, with only his car and his skills as a driver (and a couple of guns) to fend off a vicious gang of biker thugs. The meat of the movie is in the driving, crashing, and fighting scenes, and its fairly impressive, considering the film was made in 1979. However, I personally find the subpar storytelling to diminish the glorious vehicular combat that this movie made famous, so it loses some marks there.

Rating: 2 tentacles up

Now, the sequal to mad max - 1985's The Road Warrior. Our last movie left Max a broken man. This one basically throws out everything from Mad Max except for two things - Mad Max, and his trusty ride - The Last of the V8 Interceptors (and a sweet ride she is). What it adds to the equation to start us off are two things - a dog (yay) and a nuclear holocaust (boo). Thats right, now max truely is alone in the wasteland, and the currency of this new post-apocalyptic world is gasoline. There is more of a plot to The Road Warrior, and at the same time they exponentially increased the vehicular crashy smashy - these guys know what they're doing, finally! I only have two problems with this movie - first, again, the story. Mad Max is a total badass, yet he ends up wussing out and helping these pussyfied girly-men. Totally weak. Second (and pseudo ending spoiler here) the car dies. Ok, you probably think I'm a total geek for being upset that the car dies... but the saying is sometimes true - the car makes the man. How long do you think Michael would have lasted without KITT? Not very. My personal feeliing is that  a big part of Max's identity is lost with the Last of the V8's untimely demise, in fact, I think that moment is what ultimately ended this franchise. Still, this is a fun movie to watch, and mel gibson plays a good max.

Rating: 4 tentacles up (minus 2 modifier for killing the V8 Interceptor)

*BONUS!!!* Mini-review of
Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome

Remember how I said the franchise died with the V8 Interceptor? This is the proof. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. Your friends may harass your for hours... nay days by going back and forth saying - 'Who rules Bartertown?' "MasterBlaster rules Bartertown!"

Do not give in. Seriously.

[zerg]

[quote author=Allied Forces Unite link=topic=458.msg14983#msg14983 date=1154334945]
i gotta be honest with you here, norm was my least fave. of the news "anchors" on SNL, i thought some of his shit was funny, but his stint on SNL was short lived, and i liked the other stuff he did (though very little).  But you had me at dead hookers in a trunk, I'm renting the movie through netflix as soon as i can.  and if it's not good, you're out of the penis manwich!
[/quote]I think you'll like it. There are so many good one-liners, and the deadpan ending is hilarious :)

[zerg]

Another double review!

Lady Snowblood (Japanese language, English subs)

First a little trivia - one of the songs in this movie was used by Quentin Tarantino in Kill Bill. I've no doubt this is a movie he enjoys, and you won't either if you see it (hell, after you read the review, you'll know). Another unusual thing about this movie (and its sequel as well) is that i believe they were made in the late 60s, early 70s. Now, I'm not a professional movieguy, especially when it comes to foreign films, but this movie has a TON of over the top blood and gore, which surprises me for a movie from this time period. Alright, so here's the premise of the film - a couple and their young child move to a new town, only to be ambushed outside the gates by a gang of 3 men and a woman. The gang kill the womans husband and son, and then brutalize her (that means rape, you pervs). One of the men forces her to become his slave, but she murders him, and plans to murder the other 3 in her quest for vengeance. Unfortunately, she is thrown in jail... but this is where the story truely begins. She gives birth to a child in prison... a child that has been tainted by her evil karma that thirsts for vengeance. The will of the mother becomes the will of the child... who will grow up training to avenge the deaths of her father, her brother, and her mother, who dies in childbirth. Wow. Let me just say that the movie delivers, and is very enjoyable from start to finish. The only con to the movie would be the fight scenes - if you're used to the professionally choreographed and realistic fights in today's movies, then these leave a bit to be desired. However, I personally didn't find it hard to suspend disbelief and enjoy the rest of this film, and I doubt you will either. Don't let the subtitles prevent you from watching this great movie.

Rating: 7 tentacles up

Lady Snowblood 2: Love Song of Vengeance

You remember how strong and interesting the premise was for the last movie? Well here, its pretty much the opposite. In other words, its weak. The writer and director choose to take the character that I feel really strays from her core, and I think it hurts the movie. So i'm not even going to bother with an overview of the plot here, i'll just say this - If you really, really, really loved Lady Snowblood, and are just dying for more, then see this as well. Thats the only way you won't find it lackluster and disappointing, in my opinion.

Rating: all tentacles shrugging with indifference

[zerg]

Next up we another foreign flick, only this time its one for the ladies!

I Wish I Had A Wife (Chinese? language, English subs)

This is a romantic movie. Not so much a romantic comedy like we american audiences are used, or one of those ultra sappy chick flicks hollywood keeps feeding us. Admittedly, I don't watch too many girly movies, but the movie this most reminds me of is Amelie, a french film (which I also highly recommend). Here we have a nerdy but genuine and lovable man who records a home movie just after new years 1997, and laments that he wishes he had a wife. He addresses the videotape to his future femme, and tells her things about bout himself, as well as qualities that he knows she is going to posess (like a beautiful smile). From here, we follow his everyday life as a bank manager in hong kong as he leaves no stone unturned while looking for love... or does he? Life seems to continue to pass him by, and nothing seems to work out for him as he has to endure the wedding of his roommate, who he dubbed 'the ultimate bachelor' for his womanizing ways. Its a touching and romantic story, and proof that you can't really make love happen... you just have to let it find you.

Rating: 3 tentacles up (-1 modifier cause being a man i can't give this movie the same rating i gave The Road Warrior... I just can't)

[Phoenix647]

you watch too many movies due get out and live a litte. and besides, thunderdome kicked ass,. it was my fave. and you forgot to mention in the reviews that it takes place in the future and stuff.

[[Pandora]]

I watch a lot of movies too and I get out plenty. STFU.

[zerg]

[quote author=Phoenix647 link=topic=458.msg15032#msg15032 date=1154348236]
you watch too many movies due get out and live a litte. and besides, thunderdome kicked ass,. it was my fave. and you forgot to mention in the reviews that it takes place in the future and stuff.
[/quote]wow, and among my friends i'm not even the 'movie guy'. You'd really take issue with their social lives, no doubt :)

Thunderdome... is terrible. The series already had enough continuity issues to begin with (nuclear holocaust in between films for 500, alex), but thunderdome is the CROWN JEWEL of continuity flubs, perhaps in all of cinema. The first and second half of the movie are directed by entirely different people, and it blatantly shows. After developing Bartertown, the Thunderdome, Masterblaster and all of those characters, Max is tossed into the wilderness and meets up with the 'lost boys', who all live in some sort of commune together. So we almost completely forget about everything the movie has just built up to, and instead introduce a brand new cast of characters, a second plot, and we just somehow duct tape it all together and release it to the public.

Now, I'm not saying you can't enjoy it... I certainly enjoy a couple movies that are almost universally derided (Tank Girl, for one). But I take issue with you saying it 'kicks ass' :)

official rating of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome: 24 tentacles DOWN :)

[saidgrace]

[quote author=zerg link=topic=458.msg15385#msg15385 date=1154364813]
[quote author=Phoenix647 link=topic=458.msg15032#msg15032 date=1154348236]
you watch too many movies due get out and live a litte. and besides, thunderdome kicked ass,. it was my fave. and you forgot to mention in the reviews that it takes place in the future and stuff.
[/quote]wow, and among my friends i'm not even the 'movie guy'. You'd really take issue with their social lives, no doubt :)

Thunderdome... is terrible. The series already had enough continuity issues to begin with (nuclear holocaust in between films for 500, alex), but thunderdome is the CROWN JEWEL of continuity flubs, perhaps in all of cinema. The first and second half of the movie are directed by entirely different people, and it blatantly shows. After developing Bartertown, the Thunderdome, Masterblaster and all of those characters, Max is tossed into the wilderness and meets up with the 'lost boys', who all live in some sort of commune together. So we almost completely forget about everything the movie has just built up to, and instead introduce a brand new cast of characters, a second plot, and we just somehow duct tape it all together and release it to the public.

Now, I'm not saying you can't enjoy it... I certainly enjoy a couple movies that are almost universally derided (Tank Girl, for one). But I take issue with you saying it 'kicks ass' :)

official rating of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome: 24 tentacles DOWN :)
[/quote]

hudsucker proxy, joe vs. the volcano (movies i like that everyone else hates)

[Allied Forces Unite]

[quote author=zerg link=topic=458.msg15385#msg15385 date=1154364813]
[quote author=Phoenix647 link=topic=458.msg15032#msg15032 date=1154348236]
you watch too many movies due get out and live a litte. and besides, thunderdome kicked ass,. it was my fave. and you forgot to mention in the reviews that it takes place in the future and stuff.
[/quote]wow, and among my friends i'm not even the 'movie guy'. You'd really take issue with their social lives, no doubt :)

Thunderdome... is terrible. The series already had enough continuity issues to begin with (nuclear holocaust in between films for 500, alex), but thunderdome is the CROWN JEWEL of continuity flubs, perhaps in all of cinema. The first and second half of the movie are directed by entirely different people, and it blatantly shows. After developing Bartertown, the Thunderdome, Masterblaster and all of those characters, Max is tossed into the wilderness and meets up with the 'lost boys', who all live in some sort of commune together. So we almost completely forget about everything the movie has just built up to, and instead introduce a brand new cast of characters, a second plot, and we just somehow duct tape it all together and release it to the public.

Now, I'm not saying you can't enjoy it... I certainly enjoy a couple movies that are almost universally derided (Tank Girl, for one). But I take issue with you saying it 'kicks ass' :)

official rating of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome: 24 tentacles DOWN :)
[/quote]

yea, i liked tank girl too! 

[J]

[quote author=zerg link=topic=458.msg14979#msg14979 date=1154334692]
I've got several movies to review in this first batch, so here we go -

As a note, if you're interested in watching any of these flicks I found all of these torrents on www.demonoid.com

Dirty Work

This is an older flick I really enjoy, I've seen it before but I wanted to grab it to reminisce. Norm MacDonald here, in all of his glory. Him and a friend, who is played by Artie Lang team up and start a 'revenge for hire' business. So basically, they get paid to play pranks on people. There's no real redeeming social commentary or any of that garbage in this movie, but there IS a scene where norm ruins a live tv commercial for a car dealership by making it look like the cars all have dead hookers in the trunks.

If you've seen Norm on SNL then you'll recognize a lot of the same jokes in this movie, but that isn't a bad thing. Remembering Norm say 'crack whore' and then stare into the camera for 15 seconds is worth the price of admission. However, if you haven't seen Norm on SNL you probably won't appreciate this movie as much.

Rating: 4 tentacles up (+2 modifier for previous norm exposure)
[/quote]

I thought this movie was awesome too!

[J]

[quote author=saidgrace link=topic=458.msg15390#msg15390 date=1154365016]
[quote author=zerg link=topic=458.msg15385#msg15385 date=1154364813]
[quote author=Phoenix647 link=topic=458.msg15032#msg15032 date=1154348236]
you watch too many movies due get out and live a litte. and besides, thunderdome kicked ass,. it was my fave. and you forgot to mention in the reviews that it takes place in the future and stuff.
[/quote]wow, and among my friends i'm not even the 'movie guy'. You'd really take issue with their social lives, no doubt :)

Thunderdome... is terrible. The series already had enough continuity issues to begin with (nuclear holocaust in between films for 500, alex), but thunderdome is the CROWN JEWEL of continuity flubs, perhaps in all of cinema. The first and second half of the movie are directed by entirely different people, and it blatantly shows. After developing Bartertown, the Thunderdome, Masterblaster and all of those characters, Max is tossed into the wilderness and meets up with the 'lost boys', who all live in some sort of commune together. So we almost completely forget about everything the movie has just built up to, and instead introduce a brand new cast of characters, a second plot, and we just somehow duct tape it all together and release it to the public.

Now, I'm not saying you can't enjoy it... I certainly enjoy a couple movies that are almost universally derided (Tank Girl, for one). But I take issue with you saying it 'kicks ass' :)

official rating of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome: 24 tentacles DOWN :)
[/quote]

hudsucker proxy, joe vs. the volcano (movies i like that everyone else hates)
[/quote]

I love hudsucker proxy.  you know, for kids!  what a great movie!

[J]

speaking of movies you like that everyone else hates... joe dirt.  I LOVE IT!

[[Pandora]]

[quote author=J link=topic=458.msg16145#msg16145 date=1154390861]
speaking of movies you like that everyone else hates... joe dirt.Â* I LOVE IT!
[/quote]

i like it too.  :oops:

[Phoenix647]

who hates joe jerk. that movie is loved by everyone. a least it is around here anyhow.


i liked the wizard of oz 2, but like no one has seen it. it was never very popular.

[Jezebel]

Is it me or have some people changed their usernames? :?

[[Pandora]]

just jessica.. i havent seen any other ones changed.

[NeoNinja]

That.....and tons of noobs

[saidgrace]

[quote author=NeoNinja link=topic=458.msg16235#msg16235 date=1154413686]
That.....and tons of noobs
[/quote]

sex

[borat]

[quote author=zerg link=topic=458.msg14979#msg14979 date=1154334692]
I've got several movies to review in this first batch, so here we go -

As a note, if you're interested in watching any of these flicks I found all of these torrents on www.demonoid.com

Dirty Work

This is an older flick I really enjoy, I've seen it before but I wanted to grab it to reminisce. Norm MacDonald here, in all of his glory. Him and a friend, who is played by Artie Lang team up and start a 'revenge for hire' business. So basically, they get paid to play pranks on people. There's no real redeeming social commentary or any of that garbage in this movie, but there IS a scene where norm ruins a live tv commercial for a car dealership by making it look like the cars all have dead hookers in the trunks.

If you've seen Norm on SNL then you'll recognize a lot of the same jokes in this movie, but that isn't a bad thing. Remembering Norm say 'crack whore' and then stare into the camera for 15 seconds is worth the price of admission. However, if you haven't seen Norm on SNL you probably won't appreciate this movie as much.

Rating: 4 tentacles up (+2 modifier for previous norm exposure)

[/quote]

Ah yes the classic dirty work. How could I forget Bob Saget's great directing, and the infamous Mr. Hamilton laying it on the fat Sam Mckenna. Artie Lang gave an oscar winning performance. A very underated movie!!!!

[Allied Forces Unite]

[quote author=J link=topic=458.msg16145#msg16145 date=1154390861]
speaking of movies you like that everyone else hates... joe dirt.Â* I LOVE IT!
[/quote]

I love David Spade!!! I thought that movie was gonna be so stupid, I watched it one night on HBO when nothing else was on and I've seen it like 5 times since! 

[J]

Ya I like the movies he's done with chris farley.

Rip chris farley.  He was one funny fat man.

[Allied Forces Unite]

[quote author=J link=topic=458.msg16303#msg16303 date=1154425079]
Ya I like the movies he's done with chris farley.

Rip chris farley.Â* He was one funny fat man.
[/quote]

What were they??? Black Sheep and Tommy Boy?  I didn't really like either of those, Chris Farley was just way too loud and obnoxious for me...But THE BEST COMEDY EVER has to be FLETCH!!!