the death of a parent.

[wheresthebeef]

[quote author=GothaBella link=topic=17884.msg1131203#msg1131203 date=1230497228]

I missed that lesson!!!
[/quote]

Me too apparantly. :lol:

[brie]

Losing my dad is one of my worst fears.
I haven't even lost him and I have had nights crying about it.

Seeing someone who has lost their dad and them calling them "daddy" in any way will turn me into a puddle of tears.
"I love you daddy"
"I miss you daddy"
It can be a 60 year old woman calling him daddy and I will picture an 8 year old girl without her daddy.
ugggggggg 

[Bella]

[quote author=wheresthebeef link=topic=17884.msg1131204#msg1131204 date=1230497272]
Me too apparantly. :lol:
[/quote]

I should have taken notes, somewhere!
I have four kids, and four decades under my belt...something just isn't working for me here!  :lol:

[teifl]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131193#msg1131193 date=1230496781]
Oh, believe me, I think about what my dad would want; DAY IN AND DAY OUT. But I think about his death obsessively. It's ridiculous. One of those things you can't get out of your head. It's manipulating me in the worst way. But I'm attempting to work through it. I mean I can only take so many steps at once, actually, only one step at a time. :-\
[/quote]

I was 14 when my mom died. I understand what you mean about not getting it out of your head. I carried my mom's memorial book around with me for over 6 months. I didn't think there would ever be a time when I would be able to go even a day without thinking of her death.

It has been 23 years since her death and I still miss her terribly. I am not tormented by the memory of her death anymore though. I don't know how long it was before I could think of her without crying, but it did happen.

I wish there were some magic words that I could offer you that would make this easier. All I have is a   

Hell, I have more than one of those. 

AND,

[Bama Star]

[quote author=brie star link=topic=17884.msg1131206#msg1131206 date=1230497472]
Losing my dad is one of my worst fears.
I haven't even lost him and I have had nights crying about it.

Seeing someone who has lost their dad and them calling them "daddy" in any way will turn me into a puddle of tears.
"I love you daddy"
"I miss you daddy"
It can be a 60 year old woman calling him daddy and I will picture an 8 year old girl without her daddy.
ugggggggg 

[/quote]

I'm the same exact way. I don't know what I'd do without my dad, especially since we used to be so close and have drifted away. I'm trying to work on our father-daughter relationship so we can get back to where we were. I'm so scared I'll lose him before I get the chance.

I'm sorry for your loss RIPDaddy, I can't imagine what you're feeling but I can tell you that it always helps to talk about it. This is a perfect place because everyone here is willing to listen and give advice. Never shy away from asking for help or a chance to talk, no one here will turn you away. 

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=Chompin link=topic=17884.msg1131201#msg1131201 date=1230497142]
Stay away from boys as well...they will get you in even more trouble.

By the time you are 30, you will know how to handle us.
[/quote]

haha. i've actually found it easier to trust guys more than girls. :]

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=brie star link=topic=17884.msg1131206#msg1131206 date=1230497472]
Losing my dad is one of my worst fears.
I haven't even lost him and I have had nights crying about it.

Seeing someone who has lost their dad and them calling them "daddy" in any way will turn me into a puddle of tears.
"I love you daddy"
"I miss you daddy"
It can be a 60 year old woman calling him daddy and I will picture an 8 year old girl without her daddy.
ugggggggg 

[/quote]

aw. yea, well the best advice i can give you is "hold on to him as long as possible". Don't regret a moment with him. And he won't be taken before his time comes. I believe that there's a set time for us all, and whether it be sooner or later, it had to happen eventually. my favorite quote comes from a song i heard the day my daddy died "We said our last goodbyes to a man we thought would never die" and it's so true. You don't usually think of it happening until it does. even if you've talked or thought about it a thousand times, you really never deeply think about it until the time comes

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=teifl link=topic=17884.msg1131210#msg1131210 date=1230497726]
I was 14 when my mom died. I understand what you mean about not getting it out of your head. I carried my mom's memorial book around with me for over 6 months. I didn't think there would ever be a time when I would be able to go even a day without thinking of her death.

It has been 23 years since her death and I still miss her terribly. I am not tormented by the memory of her death anymore though. I don't know how long it was before I could think of her without crying, but it did happen.

I wish there were some magic words that I could offer you that would make this easier. All I have is a   

Hell, I have more than one of those. 

AND,


[/quote]

aw thanks. yea I was fourteen when my dad died.  & I'll never forget this, my mom said "It's harder to lose a mom than a dad, Because your mom takes care of you more" I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT LOGIC AT ALL. 

[brie]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131229#msg1131229 date=1230499413]
aw thanks. yea I was fourteen when my dad died.  & I'll never forget this, my mom said "It's harder to lose a mom than a dad, Because your mom takes care of you more" I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT LOGIC AT ALL. 
[/quote]

that's bullshit.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=brie star link=topic=17884.msg1131230#msg1131230 date=1230499498]
that's bullshit.
[/quote]

I KNOW! lol.
like when she first said it i was in such a daze so i was just like yea i know.
And now looking back I'm like WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT. haha

[RIP DADDY]

I'm amazed at how much I've already gotten to know so many of you and I just want to thank you all for being so nice to me! AND I'M NO LONGER A NOOB! (even though I just joined today, SHHHH!) :D
I already love it here, you've all made me feel so welcome here, and yes, I'm addicted! hahaha. Yet another post we can all post and chat on has come to an end. Or at least the intro has. lol

[teifl]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131229#msg1131229 date=1230499413]
aw thanks. yea I was fourteen when my dad died.  & I'll never forget this, my mom said "It's harder to lose a mom than a dad, Because your mom takes care of you more" I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT LOGIC AT ALL. 
[/quote]

That is one of the stupidest things I have ever [s] heard [/s]  read.

It sounds like your mom wishes that she was a better parent, but instead of actually becoming a better parent, she cuts down your dad to make her look better.

My mom's boyfriend of 11 years married my mom's sister a year after she died. She moved into the house that they had bought together and then started complaining about my mom. She used to get drunk and tell me that my mom was a terrible parent because she was drunk all the time. Well, guess who was partying right along with her?

I believe my aunt felt bad about herself as a parent, and for marrying my mom's boyfriend. Her way to make herself feel better was to dog my mom.

[Chompin]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17886.msg1131238#msg1131238 date=1230500742]
I'm amazed at how much I've already gotten to know so many of you and I just want to thank you all for being so nice to me! AND I'M NO LONGER A NOOB! (even though I just joined today, SHHHH!) :D
I already love it here, you've all made me feel so welcome here, and yes, I'm addicted! hahaha. Yet another post we can all post and chat on has come to an end. Or at least the intro has. lol
[/quote]

Oh dont worry, the honeymoon will end soon...

What are your feelings on abortion?  :lol: :lol: :lol:

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=Chompin link=topic=17886.msg1131241#msg1131241 date=1230501063]
Oh dont worry, the honeymoon will end soon...

What are your feelings on abortion?  :lol: :lol: :lol:
[/quote]

aw you're too kind. LOL.
But I feel that abortion is cruel. :|

[White trash bitchy blonde]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131131#msg1131131 date=1230494428]
So, I just thought I'd let everyone know exactly what brought me here. Well, my dad died May 29, 2007. His friends told me about this site and that I could talk to people who understand and don't just nod they're head (or i guess just nod they're keyboard? ha) because they really have no idea what your talking about. Honestly, I feel exactly like I did the day my dad died. The feeling hasn't changed much. It sucks. I hate it. Well, I suppose things have somewhat changed. I'm getting a little help at school and after asking god for more help I found out that my mom asked my sister to find me a counselor. And I USED TO BE somewhat suicidal. But that was over a year ago, before I learned that suicide is very selfish. (my cousin attempted) and I learned how bad it feels to have someone else do that to you. So I have changed, and I used to hate people. I used to blame everything bad on the world. None of it was natural. It was always someone's fault. At one point I blamed god. I blamed god and said that he stole my dad from me. A friend of mine taught me that it's man or disease who takes the ones we love, and god simply carries them to heaven. So I've changed a lot through this time of loss. But I still miss my dad the same way I've always missed him!  :2sad: Well, I'll end this here for now. REPLY ! :D  Give me advice, thoughts, or if YOU need someone to talk to leave something or IM me. :]
[/quote]

Hey girl!
I think it's totally awesome that you are looking for help on here!  Sometimes it's the people you don't know that can give you the best help and support!  This way, you know that you arent alone!
My dad is a "missing person" since 1994 and in 1995 his father committed suicide.  It was the worst feeling ever.  i was 16 and then 17 when this all happened and I'll tell you that the best thing for me was to surround myself with close family and friends!  I would sleep in my dad's favorite quilt while I was wearing his flannel shirts!  I just had to be around anything of his just to make me feel like he was still here with me!  My mom took me to counselors and they tried to help me get my shit straight and I'll tell you, it was hard.  but it was worth it!  Alot of pent up anger can be your enemy!  And believe me, I had lots of anger to go around!  My mom was so concerned that she went to a garage sale, bought a big box of breakable dishes, ceramics and whatever and she brought it home to me....She made me go outside by myself, grab different things out of that box and just start throwing them!  Sounds funny, i know, but while I was throwing stuff, I was yelling and screaming!  I was getting it all out!

Now, I keep a journal and write down my thoughts and feelings.  When i get donew ith a journal, I take it with me in the mountains when we go up to go muddin and i burn it at the camp fire.

Find something you like and put your heart into it!  Your going to be fine and we are all here to listen to you!

Much love little sister!  My thoughts are with you!

[ZoMyGoddess!]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17886.msg1131242#msg1131242 date=1230501154]
aw you're too kind. LOL.
But I feel that abortion is cruel. :|
[/quote]

oh oh,..

haha well welcome.  hopefully you will absorbed into our pool of awesomeness.

[Chompin]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17886.msg1131242#msg1131242 date=1230501154]
aw you're too kind. LOL.
But I feel that abortion is cruel. :|
[/quote]

I totally agree on the abortion...

Unfortunately for you, only .2% of the posters here agree with us...this is a hotbed for radical liberalism, but I like it here anyway.

So like I said, the honeymoon is over, and I apologize for baiting you...okay, no I dont, I am an asshole.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=teifl link=topic=17884.msg1131240#msg1131240 date=1230500835]
That is one of the stupidest things I have ever [s] heard [/s]  read.

It sounds like your mom wishes that she was a better parent, but instead of actually becoming a better parent, she cuts down your dad to make her look better.

My mom's boyfriend of 11 years married my mom's sister a year after she died. She moved into the house that they had bought together and then started complaining about my mom. She used to get drunk and tell me that my mom was a terrible parent because she was drunk all the time. Well, guess who was partying right along with her?

I believe my aunt felt bad about herself as a parent, and for marrying my mom's boyfriend. Her way to make herself feel better was to dog my mom.

[/quote]

yea. people can be extremely ignorant sometimes. I suppose that could be a reason I have trust issues. :|

[teifl]

[quote author=White trash bitchy blonde link=topic=17884.msg1131245#msg1131245 date=1230501209]
Hey girl!
I think it's totally awesome that you are looking for help on here!  Sometimes it's the people you don't know that can give you the best help and support!  This way, you know that you arent alone!
My dad is a "missing person" since 1994 and in 1995 his father committed suicide.  It was the worst feeling ever.  i was 16 and then 17 when this all happened and I'll tell you that the best thing for me was to surround myself with close family and friends!  I would sleep in my dad's favorite quilt while I was wearing his flannel shirts!  I just had to be around anything of his just to make me feel like he was still here with me!  My mom took me to counselors and they tried to help me get my shit straight and I'll tell you, it was hard.  but it was worth it!  Alot of pent up anger can be your enemy!  And believe me, I had lots of anger to go around!  My mom was so concerned that she went to a garage sale, bought a big box of breakable dishes, ceramics and whatever and she brought it home to me....She made me go outside by myself, grab different things out of that box and just start throwing them!  Sounds funny, i know, but while I was throwing stuff, I was yelling and screaming!  I was getting it all out!

Now, I keep a journal and write down my thoughts and feelings.  When i get donew ith a journal, I take it with me in the mountains when we go up to go muddin and i burn it at the camp fire.

Find something you like and put your heart into it!  Your going to be fine and we are all here to listen to you!

Much love little sister!  My thoughts are with you!
[/quote]

Your mom is a wise woman. You are so lucky you had/have such a great support system.

I love the journal idea.

P.S.
Tell your mom I am available for adoption. I was waiting for Brad and Angelina, but they never answer my letters.  :lol:

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=White trash bitchy blonde link=topic=17884.msg1131245#msg1131245 date=1230501209]
Hey girl!
I think it's totally awesome that you are looking for help on here!  Sometimes it's the people you don't know that can give you the best help and support!  This way, you know that you arent alone!
My dad is a "missing person" since 1994 and in 1995 his father committed suicide.  It was the worst feeling ever.  i was 16 and then 17 when this all happened and I'll tell you that the best thing for me was to surround myself with close family and friends!  I would sleep in my dad's favorite quilt while I was wearing his flannel shirts!  I just had to be around anything of his just to make me feel like he was still here with me!  My mom took me to counselors and they tried to help me get my shit straight and I'll tell you, it was hard.  but it was worth it!  Alot of pent up anger can be your enemy!  And believe me, I had lots of anger to go around!  My mom was so concerned that she went to a garage sale, bought a big box of breakable dishes, ceramics and whatever and she brought it home to me....She made me go outside by myself, grab different things out of that box and just start throwing them!  Sounds funny, i know, but while I was throwing stuff, I was yelling and screaming!  I was getting it all out!

Now, I keep a journal and write down my thoughts and feelings.  When i get donew ith a journal, I take it with me in the mountains when we go up to go muddin and i burn it at the camp fire.

Find something you like and put your heart into it!  Your going to be fine and we are all here to listen to you!

Much love little sister!  My thoughts are with you!
[/quote]

wow. that's rough. I wish my mom would do something for me. :[
I had been begging her since the day my dad died for a psychologist or whatever. Never would she budge. She told me I was fine, and she only thought that because I don't trust her, so I never let her know how I really feel. And I went to my soccer coach, who was also my history teacher last year, and had already known about some of my troubles. I unloaded EVERYTHING on him. The first day I met w/ him, I told him everything except that my mom was an alcoholic. And then that night my friend yelled at me and told me that's the most important thing that I need to tell him. So I went to him the next day, told him that I there was something I didn't tell him because I was/am scared. And he told me to come to him at lunch, and so I did. He told me "we" had a meeting at sixth period. And I almost shit my pants. And I said "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" becasue I thought he called home, after I had already specified not to. And he looked at me and said "me, you, and the guidance counselor" and I wa slike OH OKAY. and whatever. He got someone to cover his sixth period class and brought me down to guidance and he told the counselor everything he already knew. And he turned and looked at me and was like, I'm really scared to here what you said you hadn't told me. And I sat there for five minutes staring into the eyes of my soccer coach and guidance couselor before I could get the words out. But the other day I asked god for more help, and not four hours later, my sister told me that she was going to find me a counselor. :] So as you can see, I'm attempting to straigten myself out.

[teifl]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131250#msg1131250 date=1230501419]
yea. people can be extremely ignorant sometimes. I suppose that could be a reason I have trust issues. :|
[/quote]

yet another sent your way.

For what it is worth, I don't believe your mom is intentionally hurting you. She may be just trying to make herself feel better and not even thinking about what she is saying, or to whom.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=teifl link=topic=17884.msg1131252#msg1131252 date=1230501521]
Your mom is a wise woman. You are so lucky you had/have such a great support system.

I love the journal idea.

P.S.
Tell your mom I am available for adoption. I was waiting for Brad and Angelina, but they never answer my letters.  :lol:
[/quote]

I  must say I am extremely jealous, as well.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=teifl link=topic=17884.msg1131260#msg1131260 date=1230501918]
yet another sent your way.

For what it is worth, I don't believe your mom is intentionally hurting you. She may be just trying to make herself feel better and not even thinking about what she is saying, or to whom.
[/quote]

yea, i know. :|
My mom's not big on the whole thinking thing.

[brie]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131259#msg1131259 date=1230501893]
wow. that's rough. I wish my mom would do something for me. :[
I had been begging her since the day my dad died for a psychologist or whatever. Never would she budge. She told me I was fine, and she only thought that because I don't trust her, so I never let her know how I really feel. And I went to my soccer coach, who was also my history teacher last year, and had already known about some of my troubles. I unloaded EVERYTHING on him. The first day I met w/ him, I told him everything except that my mom was an alcoholic. And then that night my friend yelled at me and told me that's the most important thing that I need to tell him. So I went to him the next day, told him that I there was something I didn't tell him because I was/am scared. And he told me to come to him at lunch, and so I did. He told me "we" had a meeting at sixth period. And I almost shit my pants. And I said "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" becasue I thought he called home, after I had already specified not to. And he looked at me and said "me, you, and the guidance counselor" and I wa slike OH OKAY. and whatever. He got someone to cover his sixth period class and brought me down to guidance and he told the counselor everything he already knew. And he turned and looked at me and was like, I'm really scared to here what you said you hadn't told me. And I sat there for five minutes staring into the eyes of my soccer coach and guidance couselor before I could get the words out. But the other day I asked god for more help, and not four hours later, my sister told me that she was going to find me a counselor. :] So as you can see, I'm attempting to straigten myself out.
[/quote]

this makes me extremely happy that you are taking the steps to get yourself help.
there are so many people that won't go to counseling, (even some of us here on MDS ahem)
or some people that want counseling, but just don't get around to doing it.
you are a very wise young woman, I'm impressed.
When I went to counseling in high school, they had to drag me there kicking and screaming the whole way.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=Chompin link=topic=17886.msg1131248#msg1131248 date=1230501357]
I totally agree on the abortion...

Unfortunately for you, only .2% of the posters here agree with us...this is a hotbed for radical liberalism, but I like it here anyway.

So like I said, the honeymoon is over, and I apologize for baiting you...okay, no I dont, I am an asshole.
[/quote]

Damn, you mean you shall no longer be so kind to me? :[