the death of a parent.

[RIP DADDY]

So, I just thought I'd let everyone know exactly what brought me here. Well, my dad died May 29, 2007. His friends told me about this site and that I could talk to people who understand and don't just nod they're head (or i guess just nod they're keyboard? ha) because they really have no idea what your talking about. Honestly, I feel exactly like I did the day my dad died. The feeling hasn't changed much. It sucks. I hate it. Well, I suppose things have somewhat changed. I'm getting a little help at school and after asking god for more help I found out that my mom asked my sister to find me a counselor. And I USED TO BE somewhat suicidal. But that was over a year ago, before I learned that suicide is very selfish. (my cousin attempted) and I learned how bad it feels to have someone else do that to you. So I have changed, and I used to hate people. I used to blame everything bad on the world. None of it was natural. It was always someone's fault. At one point I blamed god. I blamed god and said that he stole my dad from me. A friend of mine taught me that it's man or disease who takes the ones we love, and god simply carries them to heaven. So I've changed a lot through this time of loss. But I still miss my dad the same way I've always missed him!  :2sad: Well, I'll end this here for now. REPLY ! :D  Give me advice, thoughts, or if YOU need someone to talk to leave something or IM me. :]

[wheresthebeef]

You are very well spoken for 15.

The best advice I can give is to not hold it all in. Talk it out. Sort through all the feelings you have and understand that everything you feel is perfectly natural and ok to feel. It's ok to be hurt, it's ok to be angry.

[Chompin]

Nice post...

Sorry to hear about that and I know it hurts, but take this horrible thing as a sign that you should do everything you can to make your daddy proud, even if he is gone. 

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=wheresthebeef link=topic=17884.msg1131139#msg1131139 date=1230494778]
You are very well spoken for 15.

The best advice I can give is to not hold it all in. Talk it out. Sort through all the feelings you have and understand that everything you feel is perfectly natural and ok to feel. It's ok to be hurt, it's ok to be angry.


[/quote]

why thank you! I guess I'm "well spoken" because I write a lot. I always look up new words and whatnot. So I tend to extend my vocabulary more than most. And thanks. Yea, I have a lot of anger and hurt all built up inside and I'm attempting to work through them. My counselor said that since I had all these feelings pushed aside for so long that I'm starting to feel emotion again and I don't really recognize it.

[Bella]

We have some wonderful suicide and suicide survivor threads here, in case you even know anyone that needs to be directed to them.

Every time someone close to me dies, I try to think of what they would want me to do.
I don't mean to not have time for grieving, but to live life to the fullest that you possibly can...without getting yourself in trouble-THAT is the part I have a hard time in, staying out of trouble. 

I agree with WTB, too, you are very well spoken. I know reaching out isn't always easy, but it will help. 

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=Chompin link=topic=17884.msg1131145#msg1131145 date=1230494927]
Nice post...

Sorry to hear about that and I know it hurts, but take this horrible thing as a sign that you should do everything you can to make your daddy proud, even if he is gone. 


[/quote]
Yea I know before I make any decision I think about what my dad would want for me. :]

[wheresthebeef]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131147#msg1131147 date=1230495160]
why thank you! I guess I'm "well spoken" because I write a lot. I always look up new words and whatnot. So I tend to extend my vocabulary more than most. And thanks. Yea, I have a lot of anger and hurt all built up inside and I'm attempting to work through them. My counselor said that since I had all these feelings pushed aside for so long that I'm starting to feel emotion again and I don't really recognize it.
[/quote]

Then you are further than most. It took me a long time to get to that point. I say start a journal. It may sound hokey, but it helps. Or you can just talk to us.

There are a lot of threads about other subjects too, it's not all sad and death related. Check those out when you are ready.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=GothaBella link=topic=17884.msg1131149#msg1131149 date=1230495251]
We have some wonderful suicide and suicide survivor threads here, in case you even know anyone that needs to be directed to them.

Every time someone close to me dies, I try to think of what they would want me to do.
I don't mean to not have time for grieving, but to live life to the fullest that you possibly can...without getting yourself in trouble-THAT is the part I have a hard time in, staying out of trouble. 

I agree with WTB, too, you are very well spoken. I know reaching out isn't always easy, but it will help. 
[/quote]

Yea. I know I always think about what my dad would want me to do. And i'm going through a really rough patch at the moment. My mom is an alcoholic and whatever, and she just got engaged, I'm not so thrilled. And she's only been with this guy for three months.(my parents were split up) And when he moved in which was a month ago, she said "I'm gunna marry him& your gunna call him daddy" and when she said this it was a year and six months for my dad. (she was joking) But still not something to joke about...

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=wheresthebeef link=topic=17884.msg1131161#msg1131161 date=1230495648]
Then you are further than most. It took me a long time to get to that point. I say start a journal. It may sound hokey, but it helps. Or you can just talk to us.

There are a lot of threads about other subjects too, it's not all sad and death related. Check those out when you are ready.
[/quote]

Well I write poems and raps and things like that. So I suppose that's kind of like a journal. They're all in a notebook and they're all about the hardships that I'm forced to overcome. So it has it's similarities. :]

[wheresthebeef]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131164#msg1131164 date=1230495810]
Yea. I know I always think about what my dad would want me to do. And i'm going through a really rough patch at the moment. My mom is an alcoholic and whatever, and she just got engaged, I'm not so thrilled. And she's only been with this guy for three months.(my parents were split up) And when he moved in which was a month ago, she said "I'm gunna marry him& your gunna call him daddy" and when she said this it was a year and six months for my dad. (she was joking) But still not something to joke about...
[/quote]

You need to remember your mom is greiving too. My dad got married to a horrible woman about a year after my mom died. It didn't last long. He looks back now and sees that he was just screwed up from my moms death looking for comfort. Sounds like that might be what she is going through. Have you talked to her about it?

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=wheresthebeef link=topic=17884.msg1131167#msg1131167 date=1230495985]
You need to remember your mom is greiving too. My dad got married to a horrible woman about a year after my mom died. It didn't last long. He looks back now and sees that he was just screwed up from my moms death looking for comfort. Sounds like that might be what she is going through. Have you talked to her about it?
[/quote]


Hell, she's not grieving. She was happy when my dad died. They were separated for 8 years. She didn't care. She drank before the wake and she had been on match.com before he died. She thinks she's in love. Idk. 

[wheresthebeef]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131172#msg1131172 date=1230496169]

Hell, she's not grieving. She was happy when my dad died. They were separated for 8 years. She didn't care. She drank before the wake and she had been on match.com before he died. She thinks she's in love. Idk. 
[/quote]

After 3 months? I'm sorry.

Has she always been an alcoholic? Oh, and I'm sure she feels SOMETHING. That's why she drinks. Makes those feelings go away. Even if she didn't love him anymore, somewhere she feels for you.

I hate my ex, but the grief for my children not having their father would still be painful.

[Bella]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131172#msg1131172 date=1230496169]

Hell, she's not grieving. She was happy when my dad died. They were separated for 8 years. She didn't care. She drank before the wake and she had been on match.com before he died. She thinks she's in love. Idk. 
[/quote]

I went through the same thing with my mother.
She still tells me she is happy that he is gone. No, it's not appropriate, but I guess they don't understand.
My dad was killed in a really bad car accident when he was 24. I was about to turn five.
I wish I would have had a few more years with him.

[the color nine]

It is hard when a parent dies no matter what age you are when it happens, you have a feeling of abandonment.  When my parents died my sister looked at me and said, "well I guess we are now orphans."  It's the feeling you get at any age.

I'm sure that your father had thoughts and dreams of what he wanted for you in life.  I don't think you holding on to his death in such a crippling way was one of them.  Like GothaBella said, think of how he would have wanted you to live your life, how he wanted you to be happy.

[wheresthebeef]

[quote author=GothaBella link=topic=17884.msg1131180#msg1131180 date=1230496361]
I went through the same thing with my mother.
She still tells me she is happy that he is gone. No, it's not appropriate, but I guess they don't understand.
My dad was killed in a really bad car accident when he was 24. I was about to turn five.
I wish I would have had a few more years with him.
[/quote]

Ugh. Maybe I'm wrong. Bitter parent's drive me crazy.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=wheresthebeef link=topic=17884.msg1131176#msg1131176 date=1230496266]
After 3 months? I'm sorry.

Has she always been an alcoholic?
[/quote]

Well, yea I suppose. It's part of the reason she and my dad split up. They were never legally divorced, though. Because my dad wanted to wait for me to graduate in 2011. :|

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=GothaBella link=topic=17884.msg1131180#msg1131180 date=1230496361]
I went through the same thing with my mother.
She still tells me she is happy that he is gone. No, it's not appropriate, but I guess they don't understand.
My dad was killed in a really bad car accident when he was 24. I was about to turn five.
I wish I would have had a few more years with him.
[/quote]

But my mother SHOULD understand seeing as she lost her dad when she was 5. He got in a motorcycle accident after he'd been drinking

[azkarisma]

I lost my dad when I was 28 and had a hard time with it -- I can't imagine being a teenager.

You'll find inspiring stories here, and also some crap.  Less crap, but still some.  Just take what you need, share what you can, and leave the rest.

A book that really helped me cope with my dad's passing was the Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James & Russell Friedman.  It's like a workbook with exercises that helps you move through at your own pace.

Sounds like you have other issues to deal with with your mom, so I hope you have other adults in your life that you can go to when you need help and support.

[Chompin]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131187#msg1131187 date=1230496565]
But my mother SHOULD understand seeing as she lost her dad when she was 5. He got in a motorcycle accident after he'd been drinking
[/quote]

You would think she would be the last person to be a drunk...

Hopefully you break that poor family tradition...

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=the color nine link=topic=17884.msg1131181#msg1131181 date=1230496387]
It is hard when a parent dies no matter what age you are when it happens, you have a feeling of abandonment.  When my parents died my sister looked at me and said, "well I guess we are now orphans."  It's the feeling you get at any age.

I'm sure that your father had thoughts and dreams of what he wanted for you in life.  I don't think you holding on to his death in such a crippling way was one of them.  Like GothaBella said, think of how he would have wanted you to live your life, how he wanted you to be happy.
[/quote]

Oh, believe me, I think about what my dad would want; DAY IN AND DAY OUT. But I think about his death obsessively. It's ridiculous. One of those things you can't get out of your head. It's manipulating me in the worst way. But I'm attempting to work through it. I mean I can only take so many steps at once, actually, only one step at a time. :-\

[Bella]

[quote author=wheresthebeef link=topic=17884.msg1131183#msg1131183 date=1230496443]
Ugh. Maybe I'm wrong. Bitter parent's drive me crazy.
[/quote]

Same here, which is why I let my oldest live with his dad...2500 miles away.
It's what my son wanted, and I had to put his happiness ahead of my selfishness. It's not easy, and I miss him like crazy, so do his lil siblings.

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=azkarisma link=topic=17884.msg1131188#msg1131188 date=1230496594]
I lost my dad when I was 28 and had a hard time with it -- I can't imagine being a teenager.

You'll find inspiring stories here, and also some crap.  Less crap, but still some.  Just take what you need, share what you can, and leave the rest.

A book that really helped me cope with my dad's passing was the Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James & Russell Friedman.  It's like a workbook with exercises that helps you move through at your own pace.

Sounds like you have other issues to deal with with your mom, so I hope you have other adults in your life that you can go to when you need help and support.
[/quote]

Yea I have others in my life. My older sisters (or half sisters.) I needed to distinguish that because they have not gone through the loss of a parent. But I usually just call them my sisters. My older brother. But he keeps everything bottled up. And all my aunts and uncles. :]

[RIP DADDY]

[quote author=Chompin link=topic=17884.msg1131190#msg1131190 date=1230496695]
You would think she would be the last person to be a drunk...

Hopefully you break that poor family tradition...
[/quote]

You would think that, wouldn't you?
And yes, I do plan on breaking that horrid tradition.
I've never touched any alcohol or drugs or anything DISGUSTING. 

[Chompin]

[quote author=RIP DADDY link=topic=17884.msg1131199#msg1131199 date=1230497041]
You would think that, wouldn't you?
And yes, I do plan on breaking that horrid tradition.
I've never touched any alcohol or drugs or anything DISGUSTING. 
[/quote]

Stay away from boys as well...they will get you in even more trouble.

By the time you are 30, you will know how to handle us.

[Bella]

[quote author=Chompin link=topic=17884.msg1131201#msg1131201 date=1230497142]
Stay away from boys as well...they will get you in even more trouble.

By the time you are 30, you will know how to handle us.
[/quote]


I missed that lesson!!!