Originally Posted by
Justice11
February 11, 2013
[I]Dear Diary,
I have the best news to share today. My artwork is selling like hotcakes on ebay. When I get out of this jail I am, um, going to open up my own gallery. I always knew I would be famous. I am working on a very special project right now. It is called "Used Pieces of Toilet Paper." I am saving my used toilet paper and making a collage. It will probably sell for a million dollars. That is just how popular I am. My cell mate is complaining about the, um, odor. I taught her a lesson. I told everyone that she confided in me that she is a child molester. It was so much fun making up the stories about her. I am such a good story teller. Did I mention I have also decided that I want to be a writer? I got the idea when I was sextifying on the stand. My stories are so detailed and filled with so much, um, passion. I can tell everyone believes every word I say. That is how I know I will be a successful fiction author.
Speaking of sextifying...today was another hot and, um, steamy day! I almost blushed when Nurmi asked me where I had sex. I told him a few of the places, like in my car, in parking lots, in motels, in houses, and on porches. The question really got me thinking. So, I decided to make a list of all the places I've had sex: my grandparent's bed, The Sizzler, playgrounds, Walmart, garages, truck stop bathrooms, Starbucks, tents, trailers, Applebee's, barns, RVs, churches, post offices, Taco Bell bathrooms, parking garages, car dealerships, golf courses...the list goes on and on. Oh, and jail of course! Duh, how could I forget that?
But, I didn't get a chance to tell him, um, all the places because the perv wanted all the details about the sex on the porch. That was a sexy story! Okay, so it didn't happen, um, exactly the way I said. Basically, there was no sex on the porch with Travis. I made that all up. But, I made it seem like a true story by throwing in the reference to the Toblerone chocolates. It's the details in the story that convince everyone I am telling the truth. Even when I'm lying. That is why I always have lots of details. I am so going to be on the New York Time's best seller list someday soon.
Well, I'm going to work on my stories for tomorrow. I don't want to let anyone down. I know they just can't wait to hear more from me!
Till next time,
Jodi